Top Five Friday
Friday - December 20th, 2024
Top 5 Books I Read This Year
Introduction:
Nearly rounding out the year and it’s time to take a look back on all the books I read this year, those I liked and those I didn’t. I am physically incapable of not finishing a book once I start, for better or for worse, and that leads me to finish some very mediocre books.
I know, I know, life is too short and all that, but I have to make sure I dislike all of something before passing judgement.
Thankfully there were some diamonds in the rough this year and I got to read, listen, reread, and experience a number of truly great books.
These are official recommendations, and yes, there will be a pop quiz so pay attention.
5. The Color of Magic
Sir Terry Pratchett is often regarded as one of the most whimsical minds in fantasy literature. And one thing about me—I love me some whimsy.
I can’t claim that the narrative of this story was particularly tight or novel, but being the first of nearly 40 books, it does it’s job introducing us to Discworld. The story is an oddball ensemble adventure with some truly great writing and an author that can turn a phrase like no other.
It also includes some wonderful quotes like:
“If complete and utter chaos was lightning, then he'd be the sort to stand on a hilltop in a thunderstorm wearing wet copper armour and shouting 'All gods are bastards!’”
All around a great read, also quick and easy if you’re into that sort of thing.
4. Comedy Sex God
The lack of commas in the title is already comedy enough for me.
This was the only audiobook that cracked the list for me this year and it was amazing, could not recommend enough. I also am very partial to autobiographies that are narrated by the author, it just feels more personal.
Pete Holmes is a brilliant comedian with a fascinating life story and a very unique relationship with spirituality that bleeds into his goofy style of comedy.
In it, he explores the little questions like: What does it mean to exist? What is God? And how do we cope with never finding the answers to these questions?
Just some light, fun reading (listening).
If you have a chance, I highly suggest listening to this on audio, where you can hear gems such as:
“Like how people who claim to have had pastlife experiences are always saying they were Cleopatra, or Napoleon, never just some dude named Kyle who smokes menthols and shovels poop at the zoo.”
3. The Will of the Many
One of the best books I read all year and my most highly anticipated sequel for 2025. Having never read his first trilogy that put him on the map, I really liked James Islington’s story telling in this book and the shroud of mystery that hangs over every interaction.
There was so much to uncover as the pages turned and at some points I was losing a lot of sleep because I had to find out what happened next.
Sadly for me, it is the first in a planned trilogy so I will be waiting for a while longer, but still, for only the 4th published book, Islington nailed the characters, plot, and pacing in this book. Would recommend.
2. The Lies of Locke Lamora
I have a difficult relationship with my love for fantasy because some truly amazing authors have great difficulty finish series that they start.
I get it, writing is hard and once people come to love a thing, the pressure is immense to make sure you’re delivering the same quality story over time. Still, there is something to be said for just finishing something. (looking at you R. R. Martin and Rothfuss). Like Game of Thrones T.V. ended badly, but at least it ended…
Anyway, The Lies of Locke Lamora was one of the most fun books I have read in recent memory, only hampered by the fact that the series is supposed to be 7 books and only 3 are out. Credit to Scott Lynch, the author, is due however, because he has been every forthcoming with his plans to continue soon.
This book was a fantasy heist / gang-war epic set in a more magical Venice and it delivered on all accounts: pacing, characters, humor, emotion, twists, resolutions.
I dove right into the sequel and look forward to reading the third soon. (And hopefully 4-7 in the years to come).
1. This Is How You Lose The Time War
This was a re-read for me this year, but one that has always stuck with me. If I could summarize this book in one word it would be: Ephemeral.
It feels like a dream or fugue state every time I read it and it is an absolute masterclass in writing because of it. I can’t say for certain if I know exactly what happened in the book, but it is so captivating and brilliantly written (and short) that it is worth several reads.
Definitely the kind of book anyone is liable to bounce off of, but I think it is worth pushing through simply for the experience of it.
The general premise is futuristic, spy thriller, romance, but even that can’t do it justice. Just do yourself a favor and read it.
It also has some absolute gems like:
“I want to meet you in every place I ever loved. Listen to me. I am your echo. I would rather break the world than lose you.”
I mean, seriously, who hurt you?
What the Friday? – The Magicians
Maybe it’s just me.
Maybe I missed the right time in my life to read these, or maybe I am just not the target audience, but reading The Magicians by Lev Grossman was one of the oddest reading experiences I’ve had recently.
The book is sort of a crossover between Harry Potter and Narnia but with drugs, sex, and rock-n-roll. On paper that is right up my alley, but in execution, something was missing. The characters are all fairly angsty and constantly getting in their own ways. This can work as a plot device to drive a story forward, but it never feels like any of them grow?
From what I have heard, the T.V. series is better than the books and deviates quite a bit, so I don’t think I’ll be reading the sequels, but perhaps I will watch.
This wasn’t a bad book, but I do feel like it missed the mark for me.
Wrap-Up:
It was a good year in reading. 20 books and over 10,000 pages down, not too bad at all. You have about 10 days left to finish up that yearly book goal so take some time to relax and catch up this weekend.
Friday - December 13th, 2024
Top 5 Things We Don’t Appreciate as Children
Introduction:
Growing up is a scam.
I know it. You know it. We all know it. Hell, our parents even warned us that it was a scam and yet our dumb little adolescent minds wanted to be bigger and more responsible. Why? What were we thinking?
The days when we had simply no responsibilities outside of homework and mustering up the courage to ask someone to the school dance were truly great. Sadly, like humans so often do, we wasted them looking toward the future, when we would be so mature and have it all figured out.
Well now we have bills and true responsibilities, some of us with partners or dogs or children or parents to care for and put quite simply: I want to get off this ride.
5. Low Stakes Socialization
Not only were you around a ton of friends (hopefully) in school every day, but the stakes in these interactions were very low. Sure it sucked when you didn’t get invited to a birthday party, or had a falling out with a friend, but as adults you simply lose touch with people because you don’t have time to keep up.
Just getting to learn about life when you’re not worried about HR or losing a friendship or ruining a relationship was a beautiful thing we did not appreciate enough.
4. Getting to Learn All Day
Along with getting to learn how to be social, we also just got to learn. Sure, I complained about school like everyone else, but it was truly an amazing thing to just be fed knowledge all day long.
It’s hard to appreciate anything when you’re in it, especially math class, but work life just isn’t the same. Learning new things as you get older is not impossible, but it does take a more dedicated effort.
If I could be paid to stay in a library forever now, I would have no second thoughts.
3. Being Irresponsible
Along with socialization having generally low stakes, so did pretty much every aspect of our lives as kids. There was not much that held a ton of weight even if we felt like it did at the time. Missed homework, a failed book report, having a fight with siblings or friends, all generally pretty harmless things.
Not that every decision in adulthood has major consequences, but it is definitely harder to be fully irresponsible. We can’t just go out and about with our friends all day every day and expect our lives to continue like that very successfully for long.
Like I said… Growing up is a scam.
2. No Bills
Money truly makes the (modern) world go round and we did that to ourselves as a species. Truly a terrible decision in my opinion, we had adventure and food aplenty and decided that we had to create a middleman of commerce.
Shame on us.
As a child our needs are taken care of (again, hopefully) by adults who are paying all our bills. Slowly as we grow up that responsibility gets transferred to us, gradually then all at once. Being able to just learn and be with friends and also not have to worry about the roof over your head or the food on your table?
Truly a blessing that we simply did not appreciate enough as children.
1. True Free Time
Some of this may be a product of social media and the unrelenting increase of our pace of life, or it might just be me being jaded, but having time to simply waste seems like a bygone concept.
Sure there is still the opportunity, but when was the last time any of us just laid in a field somewhere or took a walk with no distractions and just let our worries go? I would venture even if you feel like you have free time, your mind is occupied by bills and children and friends and the million other things we worry about all day every day.
As a kid I remember being bored.
I would give almost anything to just be bored these days, to have some time that was truly my own where I didn’t feel like I needed to be responsible.
What the Friday? – Aging
The biggest scam is that you grow in size and strength to a physical peak then just start deteriorating.
Like… immediately.
I can’t claim to be getting so old that my body doesn’t work anymore, but you do start feeling the changes very quickly. If you don’t use it, it fades so fast. Muscle, limbs, joints, all of it. And I spent my childhood imagining the day I’ll be old and tall and strong.
What a little idiot.
Wrap Up:
If someone could make life simpler that would be great. Okay? Thanks.
Seriously, there was no way to impress on our tiny little minds that growing up truly wasn’t all it’s cracked up to be and that’s sad. We still spend our days imagining some better future where we will be financially set and stress free, but we spend so much time looking forward that we don’t appreciate what we have now.
I hope this weekend we can all take some time to just appreciate where we are.
After all, you will never be this young again.
Friday - December 6th, 2024
Top 5 Best Story Tropes
Introduction:
Tropes are exactly that for a reason—they have stood the test of time. While occasionally this can make a story predictable, it also is relying on decades, centuries even, of tried-and-true, successful story telling. The Hallmark channel simply wouldn’t be the same if the leads didn’t eventually fall in love; we know what we’re signing up for and we get what we expect.
While I am a fan of stories that take a bigger swing (even if it falls flat), I acknowledge that it can be a risk to divert from a traditional trope: to leave the leads unhappy or unsatisfied, or to have the ultimate goal fail and have the main characters have to live with their failure. Some people get upset about these, but in general, they are different and for that alone, they deserve some points for originality.
On the flip side, there is a contingent of stories that take the traditional tropes we all know and love and either do them perfectly in a new setting that is fun and interesting or they do them with a new twist or take that leaves the known trope feeling fresh.
Today we look at a few of the tropes that I think are here to stand the test of time and ranked them based on how uniquely they can have fresh spins put upon them.
5. Good Versus Evil
It’s classic, it’s idealistic, and it’s the core of many of my favorite stories.
If you are setting out to tell a good versus evil story that hasn’t been done before… good luck. There is every variation from the epics to the small moral wins. An argument could be made that aside from select stories, protagonists in most stories change for the better as they struggle against some moral feat or great evil.
While there is less room in these stories for a fresh twist on the shape of the story, there is a great market for telling the stories in new settings or through the eyes of new characters. This is what draws me so often to epic fantasy stories where they are grand scale, good-versus-evil retellings but have so much to offer in the way of novel imagination.
4. Alternate Realities
As someone who is constantly wondering after the “what ifs” in life, the idea of alternate realities is more than a little fascinating.
Today these stories are seeing great proliferation with the idea of “multiverses” that then see overlap and cross over, but there are other ways this story can take shape. One example is a Christmas Carol where Scrooge is shown all other potential versions of himself and has to decide who he wants to be. In a similar way, we make choices every day that shape us into the people we eventually become.
Change is a process and eventually we do become alternate versions of ourselves. And there is a sort of melancholy or amusement (depending on the day) that you can derive from wondering how you would have turned out—that is to say, what the alternate version of you could have been—if you have made different decisions in life.
In another place, at another time…
3. Underdog (David versus Goliath)
Everyone loves an underdog. (As long as your Goliath of a sports team isn’t the one getting beat by David).
Still, the underdog trope is so enticing because of a fun psychological trait I think we all share and that has been summed up by one of the Fantasy Goliaths himself, Neil Gaiman:
Fairy tales are more than true: not because they tell us that dragons exist, but because they tell us that dragons can be beaten.
The only thing we love more than the knowledge that there are monsters is knowing that we are able to overcome them. Stories like these, smaller scale victories of good over evil, are what give us hope in the difficult times that we too may yet triumph over insurmountable odds.
2. The Noble Sacrifice
Everyone loves an epic, selfless sacrifice. Someone taking the responsibility away from everyone else and making an executive decision that they will be the one that saves the world (or the situation whatever it may be).
We all idealize versions of ourselves that would make this grand noble sacrifice if the situation was dire enough, but we never truly know until we are in those situations. (and truthfully, I hope none of you ever are in a life-or-death, sacrifice-worthy situation).
Still, there are grand feats both in fiction as well as in real life of people doing great things on behalf of others’ safety at great personal detriment. It is about the peak of any moral decision I could think of, to be so selfless that you are valuing other lives over your own.
RIP Gandalf the Grey—gone but not forgotten.
1. Time Loops
I am a sucker for a time loop.
Time is one of the least well understood dimensions of the reality we experience and because of that, we have always had great fascination with its passing. Why is it a river flowing (seemingly) in only one, irreversible direction? Why can we experience it but do nothing to shape it?
Einstein came as close as anyone to shattering our perception of time and I still don’t understand relativity.
Time loops are fun story types because much like alternate realities, they present alternate versions of stories and show how they could have played out. Things like Groundhog Day or Palm Springs are fascinating to me because they show how many different versions of every small decision we make there are, and also, how scary the idea of immortality can be.
Time is precious to us s\only because it is fleeting and cannot be stopped or slowed. If it was a resource we could harvest and utilize at our leisure, the magic of making decisions and wondering if they were right goes out the window.
Always a fascinating concept no matter how paradoxical.
What the Friday? – Romance Literature
There are just… so many romance books on the market lately. They are spawning who new subgenres like “romantasy” and have let me to learn about “smut” against my will.
Within this proliferation of romantic books on the market selling like hot cakes, there are a number of tropes that have become increasingly popular (possibly even being born through this growth).
Some such are “enemies to lovers” where begrudging sworn enemies find out that they’re actually both… like… super hot. There is “forced proximity” which is for anyone who ever watched Beauty and the Beast and thought “aww why can’t that happen to me?” And a number of other tropes that get increasingly creepy outside of the sphere of ink on page.
Still, there is some hope in this that:
A. people are reading again, so that’s a win, and
B. Literature is not stagnant, and the shape of stories is still something that can grow and evolve and spawn new genres and tropes.
That in and of itself is worth celebrating.
Wrap-Up:
Wind and Truth is currently being delivered to my door and I am in the mood for a midway conclusion in what promises to be the maximalist epic fantasy story of the century. (So far).
Anyway, I hope you find your favorite trope and enjoy some literature this weekend. And maybe, if you’re lucky, appreciate that trope for what it tells you about yourself.
Friday - November 29th, 2024
Top 5 Thanksgiving Foods
Introduction:
Feeling festive (and a little rushed for time) so here goes nothing—no hold barred—raw, pure unadulterated opinion. There are tier lists when it comes to best Thanksgiving foods and they are hotly contested. Does ham deserve a spot at the table? (Literally). What in the world even is stuffing? Did the first Thanksgiving in 1621 really have man-n-cheese?
We will be considering all angles today as we work to fill out the one true tier list of Thanksgiving foods. One list to rule them all—and in the darkness, bind them.
5. Green Bean Casserole
Starting with the one vegetable that is allowed a place beside the other titans of taste. Green beans are objectively one of the better vegetables even outside of the holidays. With an unoffensive flavor and a satisfying crispiness, they are one of the easier greens to get stubborn children to eat.
Around thanksgiving these lanky stocks are loaded up with oil or butter, some spices, and if you’re feeling fancy maybe some garlic and/or shaved almonds.
This is the one green thing that makes it on the plate and it’s not just because you feel guilty about how unhealthy the rest of the meal is—these bean stalks are able to stand out in a loaded field.
4. Turkey with Gravy
It is the main course for a reason.
Turkey gets a lot of hate—especially in recent years, but the real issue is not with these majestic birds who give their lives that we may eat; the real issue is in preparation. So many people are just so hesitant to learn great techniques for keeping the turkey moist in the cooking process.
Turkey is a star of the deli aisle and it does get its fifteen minutes every year during the holidays, but there has been too much hate lately. If you don’t prepare it correctly, that’s on you and thankfully there is a solution—gravy.
Dousing your dry bird in a deluge of gravy is assured to save even the worst of thanksgiving plates.
3. Mashed Potatoes
Potatoes can do no wrong and the fact that I have to put them this low pains me. It is no disrespect to this versatile spud, but it is just in a league with absolute powerhouses.
Potatoes are great on their own, but then you get them soft, scoop out the insides, and butter them up and you have a mountain of fluffy white perfection that requires an immense amount of self-control to not attack greedily while plating your feast.
Absolute love-letter to the genre—I will have these at thanksgiving until the end of time.
2. Classic Rolls
Speaking of poor self-control. You know when you’re at a restaurant and you’re starving and they place warm bread and butter in front of you and something in your brains causes you to go absolutely feral?
Well that same phenomenon happens at the Thanksgiving table, but with the caveat that you are in the one time and place where gluttony is not only tolerated but encouraged. I don’t care how full my plate or stomach are, I will be eating at least three too many rolls and I will not regret a second of it.
Thanksgiving rolls are just inherently better than regular rolls because they come without guilt—and isn’t that the true beauty?
1. Apple Pie a la mode
Not technically a “meal” item, but if I had to keep a singular holiday food item, it would be apple pie. Quite simply, if I had to do away with the whole meal and all the sides and have apple pie with ice cream for breakfast lunch and dinner on Thanksgiving Day, I would.
I would do it in a heartbeat and feel no remorse. It would be the easiest decision I have ever made, there would be no thoughts or second guessing to it.
Apple pie with ice cream to me is what nectar and ambrosia were to the gods. I will not be taking questions at this time, thank you.
What the Friday? – Ham
In the great crusade against turkey and the myriad people who claim that it is too dry, there has been a push to take another hock of meat into the ring as a contender. The undisputed heavyweight of the deli aisle come to contest for its own spot among the holiday table.
I do not have a problem with ham and I certainly am not one for balking at the changing of traditions—after all, we grow and evolve naturally as humans and people—that’s life. Still, Ham has a pretty sweet gig only a month down the road around Christmas and I can’t help but feel like it’s being greedy trying to steal the spotlight from turkey.
If there is ham at Thanksgiving, I likely will be taking some, but it is with the knowledge that It would be voted off the island first if push came to shove.
Wrap-Up:
Was I a little hungry writing this while dreaming of the feast I indulged in yesterday? Absolutely. Do I also think that my opinions should be taken as fact? Yes. Yes I do.
If your list looks differently, I want to appreciate you in the spirit of thanks before kindly telling you to go shove it.
Now go put up those trees and blast that Mariah Carey holiday music. You know you want to, and more importantly, you deserve it.
Friday - November 22nd, 2024
Top 5 Heartbreaking Lines
Introduction:
If you’re anything like me, you have a penchant for the morose and devastating—there’s just something about heartbreak that leads to great art. For example, who hurt Hozier enough to make him write: When I was a man I thought it ended, When I knew love’s perfect ache, But my peace has always depended on all the ashes in my wake? (Probably himself, but still, pain leads to beauty).
Point being that those that write, be they musicians, or poets, or authors, find a way to encapsulate the ephemeral and compact ineffable feelings into words in a way that sometimes leaves me asking the singular question:
(Respectfully) Why would they write that?
Today I want to share some of the most devastating lines that I have ever come across in literature, those that capture the beauty of feelings that are so universal and yet so indescribable.
And yes, they will mostly be emotionally devastating, fair warning provided.
5. Phillip Pullman – The Amber Spyglass
"Till I die and after I die, and when I find my way out of the land of the dead, I'll drift about forever, all my atoms, till I find you again..."
In a children’s book? Are you kidding me?
Despite being sad, because it is said as a goodbye, there is so much beauty and eternal hope that resonates in this quote. The effect is lessened without context, but it still holds pretty well on its own.
I don’t know what Pullman was going through when he wrote this, but I hope that he has never experienced a goodbye quite so painful
4. Arthur Golden – Memoirs of a Geisha
"The heart dies a slow death, shedding each hope like leaves until one day there are none. No hopes. Nothing remains."
Someone give this man a hug, dear god…
Clearly, he was going through it when he wrote this, because this is one of the most intense ways to describe despondency I have ever come across.
There is an adage about writing that goes: “Write what you know.”
Basically, you have to have experience or great knowledge about something to write on it, and thinking about that makes me very sad for Arthur Golden that he has felt such deep sadness in his life.
3. Mary Shelley – Frankenstein
“Life, although it may only be an accumulation of anguish, is dear to me, and I will defend it.”
This one is a little more hopeful than the last, but still… Life is an accumulation of anguish? How dare she say something so true, so hurtful, yet so full of defiant hope?
Mary Shelley was prolific for a number of reasons, from her timeless stories to her ability to gain popularity in a field dominated by men and do it a hundred and fifty years ago, but her ability to turn a phrase and evoke such emotion is not talked about enough.
She knows what it is to despair, and she chooses to live not in spite of that, but because of that.
2. John Steinbeck - East of Eden
“And now that you don’t have to be perfect, you can be good.”
We can all get wrapped up in wanting things to be so perfect that we ignore the good in the journey. Perfection, as we all know, is the enemy of progress.
But there is something about this quote, the idea of someone saying this to another person that just cuts so deep. It is a call for forgiveness, and for allowing the other person to shed the burden they are bearing, the immense pressure to be perfect.
I simply do not think I would be able to stand it if someone said this to my face.
1. Stephen Chbosky - Perks of Being a Wallflower
“We accept the love we think we deserve.”
Talk about hitting the nail right on the head.
Sometimes I thought that it was just me reading this book (or watching the movie that is somehow better, though only because the author wrote the movie too) as a moody teenager that made this quote resonate with me, but it has lingered in my mind for years.
Especially knowing that this answer comes in response to a question about why people continually hurt themselves and make decisions that they know are not good for them.
Sheesh.
This one definitely takes a toll on the soul.
What The Friday? – Dostoevsky – Crime and Punishment
“Pain and suffering are always inevitable for a large intelligence and a deep heart. The really great men must, I think, have great sadness on earth.”
I understand that historically, life in the 1800’s in the then Russian Empire (modern day Russia) was probably pretty cold and bleak at times, but damn is this one heavy. Whereas some of the others may have held a little flicker of hope, or caused intense self-examination, this one just feels like a bottomless pit of despair.
While I try not to let this one resonate with me too much, there is a shred of me that wants to look him in the eye and let him know that he is not alone.
I hope he felt a little happier at some points in life because yikes.
Still, beautiful in its own way.
Wrap-Up:
Well maybe it’s the first days of cold, rainy winter that have me in the mood to read sad quotes from tortured souls, but there is a sort of poignant beauty in them.
It’s a good weekend to be lazy, curl up with a book, and lean into the morose. Why not? You deserve it.
Friday - November 15th, 2024
Top 5 Biomes
Introduction:
Biomes are the larger areas we live in that are defined by things like vegetation, climate, and wildlife. While the Big Five are aquatic, forest, tundra, desert, and grassland, there are a number of subcategories that are even more diverse.
Whether we think about it or not, the biomes of our world (in addition to supporting this crazy thing called life) allow us to experience new and amazing landscapes, vegetation, and animals. Without it, we would be relegated to drab, monotonous landscapes like the rest of the planets in this solar system.
Today we look at the coolest and most unique types of biomes and what makes them so cool, from their names, to their impact on the Earth, or their amazing biodiversity.
5. Estuaries
Salt versus fresh—the matchup of the century.
Estuaries are types of aquatic biomes where salt and freshwater meet. Practically anywhere that a large river network flows into the ocean, you have an estuary. This can be from the Mississippi River into the Gulf of Mexico, the Tiber flowing into the Mediterranean (technically the Tyrrhenian), or the lovely Hudson flowing into the Atlantic Ocean.
The mixture of these two, form brackish water that is not quite as salty as the ocean proper, but still not fit for drinking (unless you want to chance it with a nice, refreshing cup of New York’s finest).
Modern estuaries formed around 10,000 years ago when sea levels rose in the Holocene period. In addition to being the bases for many civilizations over time, estuaries give way to diverse wildlife, vegetation, and some beautiful scenery. Great name, great biome.
4. Steppe
Another great name for a unique type of biome that we probably didn’t learn much about in earth science class when we were younger.
Steppes are types of grasslands with no forest border that are usually found in high, mountainous regions such as Mongolia and Argentina.
While these biomes are fairly temperate and not a host to the best conditions for vegetation or wildlife, they are characterized by some of the most dramatic, breath-taking views that I have personally ever seen (through the pixels on my screen).
When it comes to sub-tropical regions, these are a steppe above.
3. Taiga
No, not the rapper or the animal.
Taigas, also known as boreal or arctic forests exist in the deep reaches of the northern hemisphere across many continents. They are home to very hearty, coniferous trees that can handle the bitter bite of winter.
When you think of a wintery forest scene, this is what you’re imagining: pine trees frosted with packed snow, little arctic foxes dancing in and out of the powder, and a stillness in the air that I have to imagine is pretty unmatched. (until you hear a howl in the distance, hope you can run!)
Also forming in the Holocene time period, taigas in their modern form have existed and braced the cold winds for over 10,000 years.
Winter is not coming, Winter has come.
And it is here to stay.
2. Coral Reefs
Remember those things that we were all so worried about getting bleached from years ago?
Ahh good times.
Oh, yeah, this is still happening. The good news is that it is not permanent or irreversible, however, the conditions that cause the bleaching could soon be.
Coral reefs contain microscopic algae called zooxanthellae which give them their bright, vibrant coloring. When the coral undergo severe environmental stress like fluctuations in temperature +/- 2 degrees Celsius, cause them to release these algae resulting in the bleaching effect that has so many environmental advocates worried.
At their peak, coral reefs in full bloom are a sight to be rivaled by the likes of the northern lights, a once-in-a-lifetime view that I believe everyone should experience to gain a little perspective on life.
Or even, just to feel small, if only for a moment.
1. Tropical Rainforest
Guys, they made the Rainforest Café into a real thing, how cool is that?
Tropical rainforests are the powerhouse biome when it comes to ecological activity and biodiversity. A truly astounding number of plants and animals call these biomes home and in addition, they produce the largest amount of fresh oxygen out of any land biome type.
Existing between the latitudinal tropics of Cancer and Capricorn, these forests receive large amounts of rainfall each year and are home to some estimated tens of millions of unique species. If for no other reason, the biodiversity that exists in these regions should be celebrated; having so many different plants and animals creates a more harmonious ecosystem where all species thrive in kind.
At least, until human come along with their genius ideas of deforestation.
But that’s a rant for another time, for today I just want to think about the jaguars, sloths, capybaras, toucans, kinkajous, and all the other funky little creatures that are still roaming around these beautiful lands.
What The Friday? – Antarctic Tundra
While technically Antarctica is classified as a tundra, that’s really just a fancy name for a cold desert. And as such—I feel confident in stating that Antarctica is the greatest desert in the world.
Characterized by low precipitation and (unsurprisingly) low biodiversity, Antarctica is without a doubt the least habitable continent on Earth. (followed closely by Australia).
The reason this is so unique is that there are no other continents that are so dominated by one type of biome. It makes sense that a place so inhospitable would also be very homogenous. Still, the existence of other biomes on Earth are what allow for life to prosper, so 6/7 being hospitable isn’t so bad.
And because humans are stubborn, we still visit and/or send scientists to live in Antarctica. Have fun freezing, nerds!
Wrap-Up:
There are so many beautiful places on Earth, and so much diversity that we many never truly realize because we have done such a great job of adding modern comforts to nearly every type of landscape no matter how supportive of life it should be.
Regardless, there are always more places to see and explore. I for one know I have a lot of traveling left to do.
Onwards and upwards.
Friday - November 8th, 2024
Top 5 Poems
Introduction:
Poetry is to literature what paintings are to visual art—a distillation of one particular mood or emotion that is summed up in a short, poignant, pithy way to elicit and evoke emotion.
Whereas movies and tv have come to dominate our visual media, people still go to museums and study art.
Similarly, while books and great epic stories exist, there is still a beauty in the short form prose that captures so many of our hearts in various ways.
And while I am not here to knock more contemporary versions of poems that sell 150 page books of 2-4 vague lines about heartbreak (you know who you are), there is certainly a range in the effect and legacy of some poetry.
Also, while there is perhaps a niche for happier poems, much like songs, I believe that negative emotions are greater for creating beautiful art—hence the stereotype of the tortured artist. So today we look at the best of the best from melancholy to full-blow-existentialism.
In 1918, in the midst of WWI, American lyrical poet Sara Teasdale wrote There Will Come Soft Rains in reaction to the ongoing global horrors of the war.
While the prose is peaceful and gentle, Teasdale speaks of the birds and the trees, she aims to make a greater point about the impermanence of humanity and the result of our tendencies to violence stating:
Not one would mind, neither bird nor tree
If mankind perished utterly;
And Spring herself, when she woke at dawn,
Would scarcely know that we were gone.
If this isn’t a great reminder that while we worry about the state of the world, it is not the planet that we should worry for, but our ability to cohabitate within it and prolong our human existence. Ahh… peaceful stuff.
4. Invictus
William Earnest Henley was clearly going through it when he wrote Invictus, but he chose to end the poem on a positive note. While he was battling TB and potentially a second leg amputation, Henley took to the pen and wrote Invictus, reminding himself that:
I am the master of my fate,
I am the captain of my soul.
That is a healthy dose of self-determinism if ever I’ve heard it. While this poem does feel more personal, there is a beauty in the short, punchy piece that serves to remind us that we are in charge of our own destiny and how we react to the events in our life.
Very stoic, very mindful.
3. Stopping by the Woods on a Snowy Evening
Maybe it’s the New England nostalgia that I love about this poem, or maybe it’s the subtle mysterious self-determinism that he ends the poem with much like Henley:
But I have promises to keep,
And miles to go before I sleep,
And miles to go before I sleep.
Either way, Frost encapsulates a wonderful range of feelings, from mentioning the frozen lake in the woods on the shortest day of the year, calling to mind the wonderful feeling of people outside in the peace of a still, frozen night, or mentioning that the nearby farmhouse is empty.
With only his horse and the secret promises he has to keep, we are left to imagine that Frost rides off into the night, at peace and determined.
2. Do Not Go Gentle Into That Good Night
For someone that died at the young age of 39, Dylan Thomas encapsulates perfectly the notion that fear of dying pales in comparison to the fear of never truly living. He invites us to:
Rage, rage against the dying of the light.
The notion that apathy and acceptance of our fate is to be expected is challenged and it causes us to think about how we live. Are we just making it though our days? Moving from one task or milestone to another, plodding our slow way along toward death?
Or are we living? Raging against the final dying of the light.
I think we should all heed Dylan Thomas as he tells us:
Do not go gentle, into that good night.
1. The Love Song of J. Alfred Prufrock
Quite possibly the magnum opus of existentialism and a reminder to live is T.S. Elliot’s The Love Song of J. Alfred Prufrock.
Elliot takes us on a literary journey through the life of J. Alfred Prufrock, a man who claims to have:
…Measured out my life in coffee spoons.
Prufrock spends his time moving day to day, counting them pass by with his morning coffee, all the while thinking:
There will be time, there will be time…
Time for you and time for me,
And time yet for a hundred indecisions,
And for a hundred visions and revisions,
All the while knowing that the time, the future, is slowly slipping away before his very eyes. All the while, Prufrock is waiting for the right moment to live, the moment when the Universe will finally give him a sign that it is okay to try and fail and learn from his mistakes. But he liets his life pass by thinking:
And indeed there will be time
To wonder, “Do I dare?” and, “Do I dare?”
Do I dare
Disturb the universe?
In a minute there is time
For decisions and revisions which a minute will reverse.
As he descends into old age, going far too gently into his good night, Prufrock is left to look back upon his life and wonder:
And would it have been worth it, after all,
Would it have been worth while?
And at the end of the day, truly, who is to say? We have no ability to know what our lives would look like if we had made different decisions; how things would have turned out if we had, indeed, dared to disturb the Universe.
But the melancholy descent of Prufrock into old age is a harrowing reminder of the consequences of waiting your whole life to start living.
I believe we should all strive to dare and disturb the universe.
What the Friday? – Ozymandias
If you’re ever looking for a literary power couple, look no further than Percy and Mary Shelley; the former being the author of Ozymandias and other great works, and the latter being the author of Frankenstein and arguably the godmother of fantasy literature.
Ozymandias is a snapshot sonnet that tells of a traveler in a dessert coming upon the ruins of a great stone statue that states:
My name is Ozymandias, King of Kings;
Look on my Works, ye Mighty, and despair!
Before telling us that:
Nothing beside remains. Round the decay
Of that colossal Wreck, boundless and bare
The lone and level sands stretch far away.
Much like There Will Come Soft Rains, we are again reminded of the interplay between human hubris and impermanence.
There is no elixir of life, no path to immortality no matter how important you feel. Between the extremes of hubris and paralyzing inaction, there lies a medium where we are called to live our lives well, without fear, and know that there is beauty in the fleeting nature of this life we have.
Wrap-Up:
A lot to read and digest today.
While I love a good poem that gets me thinking about the ways we live and interact as people, I didn’t expect to get quite so introspective today. Perhaps the best takeaway is that being alone, riding a horse in the middle of the woods on the winter solstice sounds insanely peaceful.
I hope you get out and find something that makes you feel alive this weekend. I, for one, will be working to rage.
Rage against the dying of the light.
Friday - November 1st, 2024
Top 5 Halloween Legends and Traditions
Introduction:
A day late and a chocolate bar short, but that’s the way the cookie crumbles.
Halloween is a tradition that has really evolved over time while still holding on to some of its core tenants: scary monsters, pranks, and mountains of candy. But today we focus on the frights more than the tricks or treats.
In the spirit of Halloween, (not the Spirit Halloween stores that come up out of nowhere) I will be ranking some of the best spooky tales, urban legends, and monsters that we all know and love. (Excluding the monsters who love Mounds and Almond Joys, because their poor life choices terrify me).
From Sleepy Hollow to the Upside down, there are no shortage of tales made to scare us and elicit a primal fear that lingers every time we’re out alone in the darkness. So today let’s look at the best to ever do it.
5. Trick-or-Treat
If you’re ever thinking each generation has it better than the last, you’re right. In the early days of trick-or-treating, children would actually have to perform something or entertain those whose houses they went to in order to be rewarded with their sweet treat.
Now, a simple costume and a little refrain at every door earns children mountains of chocolate and refined sugar. Where is the showmanship? Kids also used to issue dire omens over the houses that didn’t welcome them or care for their performances. Halloween is really missing the stakes these days.
The tradition has changed somewhat, but it still endures. Originating in northern Scotland and Ireland, Trick or treating can be traced back to the 19th century. And while I am sad that much of the effort has been lost, I do love the creative costumes and tons of candy on display each year.
4. Black Cats and Witches
Another popular duo are Black Cats and Witches, both of which have become more figureheads than real terrors of the night, but they still endure on many decorations and in many costume variations to this day.
There are actually many historical bases for these depictions dating back to Ancient Greek And Norse Mythology. The Greek Goddess of Sorcery, Hecate, was often depicted with her pet black cats, while Freja, Norse Goddess of Death, rode a chariot pulled by cats.
In less fun religious imagery, Pope Gregory IX declared black cats “incarnations of Satan.” So… yeah, not great PR for the black cats associating with all these witches and death omens. Still, today they have a muted connotation while their presence is still seen (by superstitious types) to be bad luck.
3. Jack-O’-Lantern
Stingy Jack made a deal with the devil and is now doomed to roam the Earth eternally with nothing but a lantern in a gourd to light his way.
Or so the story goes. History gets a little muddled with a few of these legends seeing as they originated in similar places and were told mostly through oral tradition whaich does to stories what the game of “telephone” does to any phrase. Through telling and retelling, the story warps and twists and turns until it resembles little of the original.
(I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again: that’s showbiz, baby).
The tradition of carving pumpkins comes from this story of Jack-Of-The-Lantern and is also associated with myths of “Will-O’-the-wisp” which is a name for false lights seen in the atmosphere or in the distance by travelers that they could not explain.
Could it be Jack? Still out there, doomed to wander the Earth with no light except his own gourd and those we light for him every Halloween…
2. Sleepy Hollow
The Legend of Sleepy Hollow is closely intertwined with many other Halloween archetypes including practical jokes (tricks) and our revered Headless Man.
Written by Washington Irving in 1820, the story tells of Ichabod Crane, a school teacher who is harassed with pranks and told the story of the Headless Horseman. After an encounter with the horseman late at night, Crane wakes and wonders if what he had seen was real.
Though the story is short and not one of the Great Works of literature, the name has pierced generations and lingered to be caught up in the web of tales that we tell each and every year during “Spooky Season.”
1. The Headless Horseman
Serving as the inspiration for the Legend of Sleepy Hollow, the Headless Horseman is a very archetypical figure in many myths, especially those designed to spook and scare.
Many depictions exist, but there are commonalities of this dark, mythical figure who rides a horse, often seen carrying his own head under his arms. In less graphic retellings and children’s’ cartoons, sometimes instead of a human head, the horseman will be carrying a carved Jack-O-Lantern under his arm.
There are versions of this sprite in many cultures from Irish to Welsh to German and American, the myth has proliferated into many different corners of the (mostly western) world where us has become synonymous with Halloween.
What I love most is the vaguely unsettling nature of the horseman. Still alive though his head is no longer attached, but charismatic enough to not spook his horse. What is it he wants? Why does he haunt sleepy hollow? Just more questions to add to the mystique.
What the Friday? – Halloween
The origins of Halloween itself (etymological and in general) are also a hodge-podge of different traditions and names so it’s fitting that the legends associated with it are numerous.
All Hallows’ Eve, All Saints’ Eve, and even Dia de los Muertos are all lumped into a time known as Allhallowtide which is reserved for lamentations and remembrance of the dead. So it stands to reason that we are obsessed with headless monsters and skeletons during this time of the year.
These associations with those who have passed lead into the superstitious, macabre, and supernatural tendencies of our stories and actions around this date.
It also falls during a time of harvest when the seasons are changing and the days are shortening—mix those all together and you get a perfectly brewed concoction for Fright Night.
Wrap-Up:
The “holiday” season is upon us where the darkness comes earlier, expanding waistlines are hidden under thick layers, and that email can wait until the new year. After Halloween it often feels like a downhill slide into a sort of pseudo-hibernation until the new year comes and we vow to get back to the gym.
Now that the frights are over and we all made it through the night, we can turn our attentions forward—to fallen leaves, crisp air, and the promise of fresh-baked pies.
Winter is Coming.
Friday - October 25th, 2024
Top 5 Pop Punk Anthems
Introduction:
It was never a phase.
Pop-Punk is a genre that most are familiar with in some sense, whether it brings up fond memories of unbridled (and ultimately misplaced) teenage angst, or it sounds like whiny noise—you know it when you hear it.
While there were arguably dozens if not hundreds of anthems that are emblematic of the pop punk sound that raged throughout the 90’s and early 2000’s, much like the Highlander, there are rules and there can only be (5)!
So today let’s get into the cream of the crop, the top of the pops (punk).
5. My Friends Over You – New Found Glory
Talk about come out swinging—the start of this song hits like a bass drum straight to the ear drums.
Featuring all the emblematic pieces of a pop-punk song from the punctuating drums, fairly standard baseline and riff, there is something to be said for doing the basics well. Add in a somewhat whiny voice that is singing about some form of mutual heartbreak (likely after a short-lived relationship that all high schoolers can relate to), and you’ve got a recipe for success.
Add in a little guitar solo bridge toward the end of the song and you have a top-5 banger.
4. Ocean Avenue – Yellowcard
I don’t know if it’s the fact that we’re all made to read, understand, and empathize with Romeo & Juliet as teenagers, but something about wanting to run away with your crush without a second thought for the consequences or the future is so punk.
From “Sleeping all day and staying up all night” to “We could leave this town and run forever,” Ocean Avenue speaks to the obsessive sort of connection that feels so immediate and eternal as a teenager trying to navigate the ever changing and expanding world.
Couple all this with the same banging drums, heartfelt bridge, and somewhat nasally voice and you have a pop punk anthem etched into eternity.
3. Welcome to the Black Parade – My Chemical Romance
There are few songs that can be identified by just the first note—and fewer still by millions of people, but that first slow G note echoes over the silence between songs, you know you’re in for a journey.
The slow build from there to have a mostly a capella intro build to a full band and repeat, you have arguably the most iconic intro for any pop punk song ever.
Then—enter drums, a fast-strumming riff, and emo voice and you have the makings of a timeless classic.
Toward the end we get a slower pace breaking from the high emotion of the center of the song before one final build that sends the song off on a historical high.
2. Sk8er Boi – Avril Lavigne
Shattering a glass ceiling is hardly ever so melodic. But in a time when so much of the rock and punk genres were dominated by male voices, Avril Lavigne stood amongst the rest of them and delivered an unforgettable masterclass.
From the edge in her voice to the tale of unrequited love for the punk sk8er boi (complete with text slang spelling), Lavigne hit the nail on the head on all fronts as she rocked out singing about the punk from her past.
While there are numerous gems that have come from Lavigne, past and present inclusive, there is nothing quite like the quick adrenaline hit that comes from hearing this song.
1. What’s My Age Again? – Blink 182
Do I have a bias because of how many times I have performed (and absolutely crushed) this song at karaoke? Yes.
But Biases aside, Blink-182 was the obvious choice to top this list and while there are numerous options to choose from on their repertoire, this song is a coming of age poem soaked in punk angst and set against a quick-strumming, drum-pounding backdrop that gets in, packs a punch, and get out.
This along with having one of the greatest bridge-to-final-chorus builds that ends with the sentiment of:
No one should take themselves so seriously,
With many years ahead to fall in line,
Why would you wish that on me?
I never want to act my age.
What’s my age again?
I wouldn’t wish acting their age on anyone, not my worst enemy. Stay young, and most importantly, stay punk.
What The Friday? – The Birth of Punk
There are many arguments to be made for the distinct origin of “Punk” as a genre and while there are some distinctions in the branch between “Punk Rock” that steered more grunge with bands like Nirvana, and “Pop Punk” That masked the edgy lyrics and emotions behind upbeat, fast-tempo jams, they both trace origins back to some original misfits.
Rebelling against the status quo and being quite angry in the process has always been a part of human civilization. But as our lives became more comfortable, there are less serious grievances to rebel against. Still, that innate desire to rage against the machine and sing something like… well, Rage Against the Machine, is always there.
There is a joy in finding like-minded people that want to commiserate and pop punk music found a way to connect people and do it in such an enjoyable way that these songs not only proliferated far and wide during my childhood, but are still played enthusiastically out in the world today.
It may not be what you think of when you hear “Timeless Classics,” but that’s showbiz baby.
Wrap-Up:
Yes, the rest of my day will be filled with head banging and over-enthusiastic singing. I might even do it in public, and you know what? I hope you do too.
Sing in the shower, belt out in the car, jam in the park.
Take all the repressed teenage angst that you’ve buried under years of responsible adulthood and just cut loose a little.
You deserve it.
Friday - October 18th, 2024
Top 5 Senses
Introduction:
Senses, they shape our perception of reality and let us experience the world around us in various ways. They allow us to gain information about our surroundings which in turn tell our brains what to avoid or what to do more of.
Feeling a sharp, stabbing pain? Stop doing what you’re doing. Experiencing a rush of dopamine that could only be rivaled by love? Keep eating that block of cheese.
And while each sense provides us with something unique, not all senses were created equal when It comes to our overall survival, perception, and enjoyment of the world.
So today we look at the five sense and do what anyone should do—rank them in order of which they would be willing to lose them if push came to shove.
5. Taste
Willingly offering to lose my sense of taste pains me (especially living in one of the best food cities in the world), but there is a method to the madness.
There is an immense amount of joy that I get from trying new foods or tasting an old favorite again. And with the holidays coming up, the idea of never tasting apple pie again is enough to make me well up, but it is for the best.
4. Smell
Losing my sense of smell would be my innate, knee-jerk reaction to which sense would be the first to go. However, losing your sense of smell severely impacts or completely eliminates your ability to taste.
Just think of the last time you were completely congested and out at one of your favorite restaurants. It’s a tough experience knowing what things should taste like but not being able to experience them.
Hence, Taste would have to go before smell, but it is a close race.
3. Hearing
Not only do I get immense joy from music, but hearing is immensely useful for communication and survival. While learning sign language would not be the biggest burden, it would be a massive adjustment.
Smell and taste are good to have, but less important for survival in a day and age where sensing poison before we ingest it is far less common.
Losing our sense of hearing (for those that had it to begin with) would be a major adjustment in how we lead our lives. We take lots of cues from our sense of hearing that we may not realize, like cars approaching, people alerting us to a commotion, or even just noticing the serene absence of it and knowing we can relax.
Overall, living in silence would be a big hit, but manageable after an adjustment period.
2. Touch
There is just so much useful information we get from our sense of touch.
Things like—you’re in pain, maybe let’s do less of whatever we’re doing right now. You know that feeling where you sleep weird for a while and wake up and your whole arm is numb? I imagine that would be life, but your whole body and all the time.
I’m sure there are degrees to losing your sense of touch, just like any other senses, but this one seems pretty detrimental to basic survival.
1. Sight
It is estimated that for those of us utilizing all five senses, 70-80% of our sensory input is still derived through sight. That is a massive change in the event that one day we have to play this odd hypothetical game I’ve created and give up senses.
It is said that without one of our senses, the others compensate and are heightened to help us survive and thrive in our environment. And while I believe this is true, I also think 70-80% is a massive gap to make up.
On top of that, there is so much visual beauty and entertainment in our world that I would seriously struggle to not be able to see.
That’s why, for me, sight would be the last to go.
What The Friday? – Sixth Sense
No, this is not about Bruce Willis being dead the whole movie, this is about extrasensory perceptions that permeate our awareness.
I don’t know how much I believe in things like ghosts or psychics or all that jazz, but I do believe that there are portions of our animal brain that respond to things we don’t necessarily perceive and process. There are countless stories of people having intuitions about things, or “trusting their gut” when something felt wrong only to be proven right.
There are definitely inputs that we don’t process in a conscious way that shape how we lead our lives and the decisions we make. So this is me telling you to trust that instinct, whatever it is.
You’re probably right.
Wrap-Up:
I was listening to serene music, smelling the crisp autumn air, tasting my fresh coffee, feeling the gentle click of the keys beneath my fingers, and watching these words pop up and I got to pay thanks to each and every sense.
(My sixth sense is telling me this was a silly write up, but again, my blog, my rules).
I hope this weekend you can get out and experience the best your senses have to offer, touch, see, smell, listen, and taste your way through the days.
Friday - October 11th, 2024
Top 5 Weathers
Introduction:
Weather. It’s ubiquitous, ever-present, and a great topic to raise when you have nothing else to talk about. So here we are, talking about the weather.
There are all kinds of weather all over the world from the dreary to mundane to beautiful and everything in between. Sometimes it’s nice, and sometimes it is utterly catastrophic. We could go a number of different directions with this, but I’ll focus on the nice part of weather today. The days when you walk outside and your brain can’t help but release all the endorphins it has been storing.
Without further ado, let’s talk about the weather.
5. 75 and raining
Many people don’t like rain, but there is without a doubt a time and a place for rain. After all, how would we understand how dramatic they’re being in rom-coms without a sudden downpour?
It also makes corn… and corn makes whiskey…
Anyway, rain when it’s freezing cold or so humid that the rain never falls and just hangs in the air are both pretty tough to deal with. But when it’s a mostly lovely day and you can open your windows, hear the patter of the rain, and just let it soothe you, maybe read a book… that’s perfect.
4. Sunny and 75
Alternatively, that same day without the rain can also be quite nice. You’re outside, walking around, people are out smiling and walking their dogs.
Picture the first real day of spring when everyone is coming out of the cold, dark seasonal depression and the flowers are just deciding to bloom.
It’s like feeling hope again for the first time in a while. Simply wonderful.
3. A Snowy 29
Potentially controversial, but I do not care—snow days are elite. The only issue is when the snow is immediately followed or preceded by rain and you get the icy, slushy sidewalks. When it’s brisk outside and the snow is sticking any everyone is walking around with beanines and mittens and hot drinks, the world feels a little slower—a little more peaceful.
Conversely, I don’t want it to be absolutely freezing, sub-zero (F not C) and so horrible to breathe that I think my lungs may just freeze within me. There is a perfect balance there that must be struck.
2. Mid 60’s, sunny, light breeze
On the opposite side of coming out of the winter and feeling the warmth is finally coming out of the 3 summer months of constantly sweating and feeling that first truly brisk, clear day. The leaves are still playing coy and pretending they won’t change, people are still walking around in shorts and a t-shirt only to regret it three minutes later, and the decorations are beginning to populate doorsteps.
Everything begins to smell and taste like apple or pumpkin (a trend that I have decided to lean into after resisting for far too long) and the promise of a slow year-end is in sight. You can still walk around and enjoy a nice outside beverage with friends, but no one will blame you if you sit inside where its warm and binge the entire Lord of the Rings series… again.
This is where we are now (at least where I am, sorry Florida) and it’s lovely.
1. High 70’s, mostly sunny, on a beach
There are very few things more relaxing than laying in the warm (but not hot) sand, hearing the waves roll in lazily, and if you’re so lucky, have a cold drink in hand. Add some friends, a book, a dog, all of the above? Golden.
There comes a point when it gets way too hot and you can feel the sunburn penetrating all the rounds of sunscreen you swear you put on that it gets unpleasant. But when its just warm enough to make you sweat a little before cooling off in the water, that is what dreams are made of.
What the Friday – Seasons
Why does 75 degrees feel so much different in Spring than it does in Fall? Why does a cold snap in May or a heat wave in November freak us out?
I’ll tell you why: it’s because they’re controlling the weather and we notice when they get it wrong. Wake up sheeple!
Woah, that was a weird one. No, what I meant to say was that we have expectations based on times of year and certain feelings that we associate with the weather and how it should be at different times of year. There is a sense of contrast when we have gotten used to something and suddenly it changes. But the beautiful thing about humans is that we’re incredibly adaptable and we can stand nearly anything the weather gods throw at us.
Wrap-Up:
“How about this weather we’re having? Am I right?”
When you hear this around the water cooler at work you begin fantasizing about gnawing your arm off just to get out of the stale conversation, but the truth is weather can be a beautiful thing. It can determine our moods and activities and even influence our sense of time of year.
Whether you have to weather the weather as it rages or weather the seasonal weather of life, it is all around us.
So maybe instead of dreading the small talk, (pumpkin) spice it up by adding a little more emotion and detail. Do you like the weather? Why? What do you wish it was instead?
Either way, I hope you can soon enjoy some sunshine. (Or rain, whatever floats your boat).
Friday - October 4th, 2024
Top 5 Nostalgic Childhood Feelings
Introduction:
As we get older, we are less likely to have newer experiences. We fall into routines and our brains become really good at condensing similar experiences together—this is one of the reasons that we experience time moving faster as we age.
This (along with gaining increasingly stressful responsibilities as we age) is why many people look back on certain times on their childhood fondly. There were so many formative experiences taking place in a short span of time.
Still, there were some routines that were far more enjoyable as a child than the constant wake-grind-eat-sleep-repeat cycle that the working adult like can feel like at times. When I think back to some routines that I miss from childhood there are a few that stand out, and if social media has taught me anything over the last few years it’s that we all share far more commonalities from childhood than most of us realized.
So today let’s rewind that clock and head back to a cool, crisp Friday night where your biggest worry was which movie you were picking out from blockbuster and if you were getting candy, popcorn, or ice cream to go along with it.
5. Whole Class Birthday Parties
“You’re not invited to my birthday party” used to be such a devastating thing to say. The way I felt when someone said this to me can only really be compared to heartbreak.
Back when everyone was your friend and everyone in your class was your valentine, it was truly such a party (and probably logistical nightmare for our parents) when we would have 30 kids running around screaming in dirty ball pits, eating sub-par pizza, and jamming to a concert played by animatronic rodents.
Truly what a time it was to be alive.
Side note: I really wish that this threat was still applicable in adult life. Anytime someone pisses you off or your boss gets a little too condescending and boom! Uninvited to the birthday party. That’ll teach them to stop acting up.
4. Cartoons in the Morning
I am not here to debate the merit of Cartoon Network, Nickelodeon, or other cartoon-airing stations, I am here to unify us all in the experience that was finding a way to shirk our responsibilities and guilt our parents into letting us watch some absolutely mind-numbing cartoons in the mornings.
Whether it was a Saturday morning binge or trying to sneak in just another 15 minute episode before heading to school on a Wednesday, it always felt like getting away with something.
Couple this with a bowl of some sugary cereal that you begged your parents for at the grocery store and hardly anything in life could be better.
(P.S. it’s Cinnamon Toast Crunch or bust).
3. Biking With Your Friends
Seriously where were we going?
I think as kids we realized what we so often don’t as adults and it’s that the journey far outweighs the destination. We could ride around for the whole day into the evening, definitely causing our parents all kinds of concern as we zipped up and down the neighborhood doing who even knows what.
Being able to feel that independence and freedom as you just joked with friends about nothing in particular may be one of the best feelings I can remember from childhood. I can’t imagine how annoying it was for the adults that heard us screaming in the streets, but such is the circle of life.
Every time I see a gang of kids riding around on bikes and being entirely too rambunctious, no matter how annoying it may be, it warms my heart a little.
(Bonus if you went to the grocery store to get junk food and not tell your parents—great time, would recommend).
2. Blockbuster Friday Nights
As soon as you set foot in a Blockbuster and smelled whatever musty carpet/popcorn concoction they pumped into the vents at this place, you knew it was going to be a great Friday.
The only truly painful part of this process was convincing your parents that you and your sibling(s) all deserved to pick out a separate movie. But there was something about perusing the endless rows of media that blew my tiny mind each and every week. How could we ever watch all that? How is there enough time?
Seriously, we have traded so much away in the name of convenience and I am here to argue that our lives are not better off for it. The absolute joy of surfing the aisles in a blockbuster was such a rush; compare that to the anxiety of having a million titles available to stream instantly until you get so stressed out that you end up just watching reruns of The Office… Absolutely incomparable.
1. The Book Fair
I cannot explain exactly what would come over me when Book Fair week arrived at my school each year. I would lose all sense of control and go absolutely feral in search of the next great read. I would study the little flier they handed out for a week before the event like I was an NFL coach scouting the next breakout star.
The kicker was that I knew libraries and bookstores existed—and I would go all the time. But something in my tiny mind would just lose it when I had a whole week to prepare and look up the new series and box sets and the occasional poster of a car.
I have no idea what my parents thought when I tried to stress how important it was that I get $40 that week for school, but I do know it was a need not a want.
Whatever that rush of endorphins was, inject that straight in my veins, it was beautiful.
What The Friday? – Holiday Magic
There are so many things that feel like they lose their luster over time even though we continue to do them—such is the curse of the human brain—if it’s not novel and exciting, we quickly grow bored.
And while I still love the fall and the slow creeping feeling of the holidays lulling us all to sleep before the new year, there was an undeniable magic that existed as a kid that doesn’t exist in the same way today.
Perhaps it was the month off from school, or the copious amounts of treats littering the counters, or the promise of new gifts and toys, but there was something in the air that dulls considerably when we age.
Still, the time spent with family and friends is magical and while it feels different, I think it’s still important to lean into the joys that we find each year while also remembering the magic of the past.
Wrap-Up:
If the things I wrote about here don’t resonate with you, I apologize on behalf of your childhood. I’m not saying it was bad, but without book fairs and Blockbuster, it’s hard to imagine it being elite.
Really though, I think it’s great to think back to all the simple things that used to bring us such joy and work to recapture that as much as possible as we grow. Our priorities and responsibilities change, but somewhere inside there is still that same little kid that gets irrationally excited by movies or bookstores or biking with friends.
Go find something simple this weekend and enjoy it with childlike wonder—you deserve it.
Friday - September 27th, 2024
Top 5 Home-Building Materials
Introduction:
Throughout history, humans have found ways to make increasingly stable structures. No longer do we have to worry about one swift storm coming through town and washing all our mud-and-grass tenements back into the river.
Sure we still are subjects to lose homes to hurricanes and tornadoes and tsunamis, but our resistance to natural disasters is getting better. So today, much like the three little pigs, we look at the best materials that have been used to build homes throughout time.
Shout out to all the big bag wolves looking for tips for the best materials to huff and puff and blow down, you have come to the right place.
5. Grass
Sod is fairly useful for when you don’t mind the walls of your house being a little itchy. Despite my love for underground homes and hobbit holes, grass is simply not a very effective material to use when building a home.
Typically, houses with grass roofs that you may see in pictures from Iceland or other Nordic areas are built with some other material before being covered with grass.
But, if we’re talking just about grass and sod, these are not the makings of a sturdy structure. To rate these, I am using the materials’ potential to re-create a city like New York as well as the Big Bad Wolf Index.
Grass/sod: 1/10 - lovely on the outside, structurally unsound on the inside. (Just like some people I know…)
4. Straw
Ramping up here in the structural integrity, but only by a small degree. Straw wins out over grass simply for its ability to be packed into bales which are slightly better for durability and insulation.
Unfortunately, you can’t really construct a full house with straw bales and pray that the wind will never come your way. There is still a need for sturdier bases such as brick or wood before insulating with straw.
There is also the very real and ever-present worry that your straw house would attract a roving band of ravenous cows and they would eat your home right out from under you (above you?) while you slept.
Straw: 2/10 - a little warmer, but still unable to meet the basic requirements for long-term living.
3. Wood
Now this is pod racing. I mean construction.
Finally we have a material that we can use to form structures that you can trust. (So long as the termites don’t catch you). We know wood can last because there are trees that are outliving us, literally standing the test of time. It’s sturdy, it’s durable, and damnit if it doesn’t smell amazing.
What’s not to like about wooden structures?
The only downsides come from the disparity in structural integrity between wood and heartier materials. Homes with thick beams and great support, those are fine, but a wooden skyscraper? Not as promising.
Still, I like to believe in the merit of wood as the basis for a home-y structure.
Wood: 8/10 – gets a boost for the way it can make your home smell earthy in the rains.
2. Stone
Arguably the most aesthetically pleasing material to use to build homes, stone is great because you just pick them up and bring them to where you want them in a pile and viola, done.
Something about the non-uniformity of stone being built up into a uniform structure is very pleasing, and in terms of process, all you really need to do is find some kind of adhesive that will keep your stones from going the way of a Jenga tower and crumbling to the ground.
As an added benefit, they are immune to termites and wolves and (most) natural disasters.
All-in-all, stone is a great material for building, beautiful, and durable.
Stone: 10/10 - perfect, just not quite the GOAT.
1. Brick (Clay) Squad
While brick and clay are less aesthetically pleasing, there is something to be said for the longevity they have provided the world of structures and buildings. From the Great Pyramids of Giza to the apartment I write this from now, using clay to make uniform bricks for building structures is a tale as old as time.
A song as old as rhyme…
The Builders and the Bricks.
Coming soon to a theater near you.
But really, bricks have been some of the sturdiest, most universally relied upon materials when building housing tenements and great big structures. Stones win on beauty, but bricks are just absolute powerhouses of the game that they couldn’t be snubbed here.
Brick: 10/10 - Undisputed champs of the game.
(A quick aside about steel beams and glass buildings – these are popular, sturdy, and to some, beautiful, but they are not materials used for houses and this is my blog so if you don’t like the list, get bent)
What The Friday? – Igloos
I have never really understood igloos. You sleep inside a huge house of ice to keep from being cold? Sure. That definitely isn’t super confusing.
That’s like sleeping in a house made of woven grass to keep the insects out, that shouldn’t be how that works. Unfortunately for me, after a little research, I learned that is exactly how it works.
Igloos are built with compacted, cut chunks of snow that are stacked and interlocked using their own condensation as the igloo glue so to speak. The entrance is a small tunnel that allows for transport and some ventilation without letting out all the heat, and a vent is placed near the upper portion to ensure proper airflow and prevent suffocation.
Honestly, as much as it pains me to say, I wish I lived somewhere where igloos were possible so I could experience the wonder of building and sleeping within one of my own.
Sure, you can pay for the experience somewhere up in the arctic, but it’s just not the same.
Wrap-Up:
This week’s topic courtesy of staring out my window at a brick wall (not always as dull as you would think).
I don’t have too many parting thoughts other than to encourage you to find the building material that works best for you. I don’t tell you how to live your life and if you live in an area where Big Bad Wolves aren’t roaming free, perhaps a nice grassy sod hut is right for you.
It’s your life, get out there and build it.
Friday - September 20th, 2024
Top 5 Modern Conveniences (And How We Ever Lived Without Them)
Introduction:
Some people insist they were born in the wrong generation. Not me.
There are so many things that I can’t imagine living without. I understand that people used to live in caves while hunting and foraging for food, I get it, it’s possible. But exposure to conveniences then their subsequent removal is far worse than never having them in the first place.
It’s the same reason I still refuse getting my groceries delivered. What we consider lazy today will be standard practice by tomorrow. And so it goes.
Today we look at the five things that I just simply could not live without, the things that I understand people in ages past have made it through their lives without, but things without which, I might simply perish.
5. Alarm Clocks
I am liable to wake up anywhere from 6:00 to 9:00 AM and everywhere in between. The only way I am able to reliably get anywhere on time in the mornings is the pre-determined tone that will wake me up with an anxiety-inducing shriek at the precise moment that I ask it to.
Circadian rhythms are great, but we live in a very punctual world where you can’t just roll into work hours behind schedule because you couldn’t wake up.
Throughout history, there have been a number of versions ranging from Plato’s water alarm to gongs set up in towers for the whole world to hear. But today we are graced with the personal alarm clock built into every phone. Without it, I don’t think I’m ever making a morning meeting again.
4. Washing Machines
Washing clothes by hand isn’t that crazy of an idea, but when you can throw every smelly article you own into a giant drum, press a button and call it a day, you never go back.
Modern forms of washing machines have been around almost 200 years, so they’re not the most modern invention, but they sure have come a long way. I mean, just looking at detergents and the litany of different scents you can choose is insanity.
And, to top it all off, the new ones even sing you a little jingle when they’re done, as if they’re elated to have cleaned your filthy clothes. Good machines.
(Also, after recent trips to Europe where dryers are not a thing in most places, I am including the drying machine with their cleanly counterpart).
3. Air Conditioning
As someone who is constantly 10-15° too warm (guestimating), I don’t know how anyone south of the arctic circle doesn’t have modern air conditioning.
Also inspired by a mid-summer journey to Europe, the ability to sleep when the low of the night is in the 80’s and a tiny fan in the corner is your only respite, I am not exaggerating when I say I need AC.
Historically, engineers have found ways to create structures and build the walls of homes to encourage airflow, but the mind of an ancient citizen could not comprehend the sweet kiss of Freon-super-cooled air after a long day in the humid, swampy air.
Without it, I doubt I would ever sleep again.
But on the plus side, then I wouldn’t need an alarm clock).
2. Medicine
I am whatever the opposite of a hypochondriac is. Sickness is not real in my mind, so I just ignore it, hardly opting to even take over-the-counter medicines when I get sick.
Oh, right, the term is “stubborn.”
Still, just knowing that if I do get sick (which I won’t), there is the option to take life-saving medicine (which I might), is nothing shy of a miracle (of which I am sure).
Not that long-ago people were being treated for a range of diseases with heroine, leeches, and icepick lobotomies. And these were the “doctors” of the day who knew more than anyone else; I’m terrified to know what the anti-intellectual home remedies of the old days were.
Dark ages indeed.
1. Showers
Okay so waterfalls have always been a thing, on that point I concede. But having access to clean, temperature-controlled, running water that spits out from a spigot just above head height is nothing shy of magic.
I don’t hate baths, but they are not an effective way to clean yourself. Even if you use detergent and scrub away, you’re still sitting in the filth you just rid yourself of.
Showers are a miracle that I could research at any time to learn the physics of, but I simply don’t want to peek behind that curtain. (Pun absolutely intended). There are some things that you just don’t want to lose their magic, and that’s one of them.
Living without my on-demand, magic waterfall would be a tragedy, thankfully, I was born in the right era.
What The Friday? – Wi-Fi
I’m going to level with you… I have no goddamn clue what Wi-Fi is. I don’t know where it comes from, how its created, or how magic waves in the air allow me to watch football on a plane 35,000 feet in the sky.
At its basic level, Wi-Fi is data transmitted on radio waves, but the fact that these things just move through the air willy-nilly with no regard for that fact that that makes no sense is mind-boggling.
Still, it’s a beautiful invention and I, like so many others, simply wouldn’t know what to do without it. It has been ingrained into every facet of our lives and it does not seem to be leaving anytime soon.
Wrap-Up:
There are tons of other things I couldn’t live without, phones, electrical lights, refrigerators, basic love and affection, but thankfully I have ¾ so not bad…
Really though, I do understand my attempts to resist the future conveniences are futile and some day I will have to submit to the will of Change. But for now, I am content with the conveniences I do have and taking an extra moment to be thankful for them. As commonplace as they all my be, they are amazing and life without them would be quite simply horrible.
Friday - September 13th, 2024
Top 5 Minor Annoyances
Introduction:
Irrational annoyances are just that—irrational. We can’t explain exactly why these things bother us so badly, but they just do. Everyone has little things that peeve them, and often we ignore them for a while instead of airing them out.
Well I’m tired of not talking about it. Are you annoyed by someone chewing too loudly at the table? Tell them. Are people stopping in the middle of crowded walkways causing you to nearly trip? Bowl them over.
This is your life and you should be able to live it how you want.
(Only partially joking).
Today I’m airing out the things that I find unbearable.
5. “I Could Care Less”
So… You do care?
There are a number of verbal annoyances that I have, and while I do my best to not correct people (cause that’s never won anyone friends ever), I do lose it a little when people say something that is the exact opposite of their intended meaning.
I get it—most people understand what someone is saying if they say this. However, imagine if we normalized using the opposite meaning of each word and phrase... It would be a disaster. That old school-yard joke about “opposite day” would be a reality and I am not patient enough to deal with that.
And if you have a problem with this rant, I really couldn’t care less.
4. Pedestrian Etiquette
I am not generally an aggressive person, but even I have my limits. People who do any of the following are dead to me and should have their walking license suspended:
-Anyone who has ever stopped in the middle of a busy walkway (bonus points if they have headphones in, the space is crowded, and they don’t hear you say “excuse me”);
-Anyone who stands on a moving walkway or downward escalator (upward I can almost understand, stairs are hard… still judging you);
-Anyone who walks at a diagonal on the sidewalk cutting you off inadvertently and without a thought or care in the world.
Did I choose to live in one of the most pedestrian-heavy cities in the world? Yes.
Will I still get irritated at these people? Absolutely.
3. Market Prices
I understand that the economies of fish and lobster are a complex ecosystem of ever-changing factors. However, that does not give you the right to just not tell us what the price of my meal will be.
If the lobster pasta is 4x more expensive than the rest of the dishes, I don’t care enough to order it, but an $8 increase? Fine, what’s a few dollars between friends.
I also understand that restaurants can’t be printing out new menus each day as the prices change, but they make the waiters memorize the daily specials that no one ever orders and hold us verbally hostage for 3 minutes, why not also tell us is this meal will be reasonable or leave us financially destitute?
Just an idea.
2. Call Me Back, Coward
What do people do after a call fails to go through? Throw their phone across the ocean? Just stand there and watch it ring when I call back?
Seriously, I need to know. The amount of times I have called someone back within 60 seconds of missing a call from them only to get no answer is exorbitant. And what’s worse is that number should be 0, all the time, for everyone.
If you’re so intent on reaching me that you need to call, then for the next 5 minutes of your life you should be operating on high-alert while you await my return correspondence. Next time this happens I’m deleting contacts.
1. Solstice of Lies
I obviously have a few peeves that I can communicate and work through with other people in a polite manner, but this one tops them all because I am utterly powerless to change it.
Why, and I mean why, is the winter solstice not the start of the new year? We’re 10 days away from having the entire year make so much sense, but no… We have the solstice, then a bunch of holidays, then the new year 10 days later. What are we doing?
This is the kind of thing that makes me realize humanity may not be worth saving after all.
What The Friday?
Speaking of calendars, what in the hell is going on with the rest of it? Every month has 30-31 days except February, and they alternate except for July and August being 31 days back-to-back because the egos of Roman Emperors who have been dead for two millennia were just that big?
And every four years we have to add a day because we’re just a little bit off. Seriously, with all the amazing advancements in human history, we haven’t found a better system for evenly dividing up the year?
How about 13 months of 28 days each? Every month is exactly the same, we have 364 normal days then New Year’s is its own day. Make it a double every four years if we really love leap year so much.
This is me just spit balling, imagine what we could do as a species if we actually cared to have things make sense. But alas… One can dream.
Wrap Up:
I’m mostly kidding.
Not about the fact that these things annoy me, they really do. But the degree to which I let them bother me is small. Still, there are just so many things borne of thoughtlessness that we are all so ready to accept. I invite you to make a change this weekend: tell someone to chew with their mouth closed or to move when they’re being a terrible pedestrian.
We don’t have to be rude, though that fantasy can always be fun, but we can work through the epidemic of thoughtlessness that plagues our race in the same way we know how to accomplish anything else: Together.
Saving one inconsiderate soul at a time.
Friday - September 6th, 2024
Top 5 Score Composers
Introduction:
Music makes a difference.
Just as certain visual stimuli can evoke sense of calm or unease, so too can the right chord. If you’ve ever watched one of your favorite movies on mute (not sure why you would, but hey, I don’t tell you how to live your life), you’ll know that its just not the same. The great epic swells when the heroes prevail, the tense moments right before a jump scare, none of it is the same.
Filmmakers know the importance of the right sound when they are trying to elicit a response from the audience, which is why finding the right composer to score a movie or show is so important. But not all composers are created equal.
Today we look at some of the best to ever do it, the cream of the crop—the symphonically iconic.
5. Justin Hurwitz
Time will tell how things will shake out for Hurwitz who is only last on this list due to the fact that the rest are timeless juggernauts of the genre. In terms of original sound, Hurwitz may be at the top.
Hurwitz has spearheaded major projects like Whiplash and La La Land in recent years, both centering around the absolute heartbreak of jazz music. (Side note, but what did jazz ever do to Damien Chazelle that he had to make two movies about it?)
In addition to these, Hurwitz has scored other major movies such as First Man and Babylon. With a booming start to his career and only being 39 years old, the future is bright for the future of film scores. (Especially those about the soul-crushing pain of jazz music).
4. Howard Shore
The fact that I have to put Shore this low pains me, but that’s showbiz baby.
Best known for his iconic scoring of The Lord of the Rings movies, Shore could have easily hung his hat on this achievement alone. From the Shire to the peak of Mt. Doom, Shore showed his range in being able to capture not only the mood of the characters, but also helped make Middle Earth come to life on the screen.
In addition to this nerdy, fantastical perfection, Shore has shown range in his other projects as well; scoring movies like Mrs. Doubtfire, The Silence of the Lambs, Philadelphia, and even one of the Twilight movies.
If you’re looking to evoke a beautiful feeling, just play Concerning Hobbits on repeat while you’re curled up on the couch during a cold autumn day. Simply perfect.
3. John Williams
Yet another composer that could have hung his hat up early in his career and still made this list, John Williams knows a little something about creating iconic scores.
The five-time Academy Award Winner for Fiddler on the Roof, Jaws, Star Wars, E.T., and Schindler’s List has had an absolutely monumental career. The list of his achievements could be a top-5 list in and of itself, but to name a few, he also worked on Indiana Jones, Jurassic Park, Saving Private Ryan, Superman, and the first few Harry Potter Movies.
In addition to his film success, Williams also composed the music for the 1984 Summer Olympic Games and Sunday Night Football. Chances are, whether you are aware or not, you are more than familiar with at least a few of Williams’s works.
Talk about iconic.
2. Joe Hisaishi
Every Jordan needs their Pippin. Spielberg had John Williams, Christopher Nolan has our list-topper Hans Zimmer, and Hayao Miyazaki has Joe Hisaishi.
While Hisaishi is lesser known than the others on this list on account of most of his greatest works being attached to animated films (a rant I will save for another day), he is undoubtedly a master of encapsulating a wonderous sense of place. Bonus points (in my book) that he does this so well for movies that are at times as ephemeral as they are whimsical.
Some of his most famous scores in his collaboration with Miyazaki for Studio Ghibli Films include Howl’s Moving Castle, Spirited Away, and Princess Mononoke. Whether you like animated films or not, his music is worth a listen if you’re ever looking for a peaceful soundtrack to accompany your walks.
As well as his work on films, he composed work for the 1998 Winter Paralympics, and a number of documentaries produced by Japan Broadcasting’s NHK, and numerous sold-out concerts worldwide.
Take a bow, Hisaishi, you’ve earned it.
1. Hans Zimmer
Okay so we want to talk about range?
Excluding the rest of his career, the decade at the turn of the millennium was absolutely dominated by Hans Zimmer. The German composer posted this lineup from 2000-2009: Gladiator, Black Hawk Down, Hannibal, The Last Samurai, Madagascar, The Da Vinci Code, The Simpsons Movie, Kung Fu Panda, Angels & Demons, and Sherlock Holmes. And what’s more is he crushed it on every single one of them.
Aside from this insane decade, Zimmer also composed for the Lion King (heard of it), Pirates of the Caribbean, and numerous projects with Director Christopher Nolan including the Dark Knight trilogy, Inception, Interstellar, and Dunkirk. He also has recently knocked it out of the park with both Dune films.
There are a million other accolades and compositions that Zimmer has touched and turned to gold including the 2018 FIFA anthem, some music for Planet Earth, and some more music for Frozen Earth.
Talk about finding your passion and making it your career, Zimmer knows only one thing and that is producing absolute bangers.
What The Friday? – Ramin Djawadi
A protégé of sorts of Hans Zimmer, Djawadi is another German composer who caught the eye (ear) of Zimmer early in his career. He would go on to work with Zimmer on several projects including the Pirates of the Caribbean soundtracks.
While Djawadi has had some film titles of his own, his real rise to stardom came when Game of Thrones started to take off. One of the most iconic opening soundtracks known to television is now immortalized forever, and while the quality of the show writing fell off a cliff (another rant for another time), Djawadi’s composition was a powerful through line for all 8 seasons.
He has scored numerous other projects including more HBO shows like House of the Dragon and Westworld and I am excited to see where his career goes from here.
Wrap Up:
Writing this while listening to these amazing composers’ soundtracks felt very apt and meta. 11/10, would recommend (just like their music).
If you’re looking to really get into that transcendent state of mind this week, find one of these artists on your music streaming app of choice (no sponsorship here) and head out for a walk. The sun is shining, the weather is beautiful and there is no bad mood that was ever left uncured by the beauty of music.
Friday - August 30th, 2024
Top 5 Most Quotable Athletes
Introduction:
Feeling short and pithy this week. Maybe it’s the start of football season, maybe it’s the crisp pseudo-fall air that calls me to be outside, or maybe I’m just tired. Who’s to say?
In any event, I will be regurgitating words spoken by better men than me with a bit of commentary to keep it funky and fresh.
Today we look at some of the most quotable athletes of all time. From the funny, to the poignant, and everything in between, I’ll break down some of the greatest utterances from our on-court (field, pitch, whatever) heroes.
Honorable mentions:
This could easily balloon into a top 100 list, but I’m trying to keep things concise so here come some honorable mentions:
"When my time on Earth is gone, and my activities here are past, I want them to bury me upside down, and my critics can kiss my ass." - Bobby Knight
“Because they give away a lot of money for 20th” – Kevin Kisner (When asked why he would show up believing he wouldn’t win).
“Cant win ‘em all.” – Connie Mack (After famously losing 117 games in a season, 23 consecutively at the time.)
“Football is like chess, only without the dice.” – Lukas Podolski (Maybe chess is played differently in Poland?)
Now on to our top 5 personalities:
5. Mike Leach
Mike Leach was a famously bombastic college football coach who had a direct connection from his brain to his mouth. Generally, that can lead to some hot-headed remarks, but in Leach’s case, he was a live mine full of nothing but gold.
“Fish aren’t smart, it’s not like they have advanced degrees.”
You tell ‘em coach.
“It’s like Woodstock, except everyone’s got their clothes on.”
“I mean, I completely hate candy corn.”
Don’t we all?
“Sometimes a pirate can beat a soldier.”
And finally some parting words of wisdom:
“Well, you’re going to be dead in a hundred years anyway, so live dangerously.”
Amen, coach. Amen.
4. Yogi Berra
Berra was a catcher and later manager for the New York Yankees who also found time to moonlight as a part-time comedian. His particular brand of comedic wit can all be responded to with “Well, you’re not wrong…” Some of his highlights include:
“In theory there is no difference between theory and practice. In practice there is.”
“When you come to a fork in the road, take it.”
“Baseball is ninety percent mental. The other half is physical.”
“If the world were perfect, it wouldn’t be.”
“You can observe a lot by just watching.”
“It ain’t over till it’s over.”
I see no lies, well done Yogi.
3. Kobe Bryant
What is there to be said about Kobe Bryant that hasn’t been said already. From the man that accepted no less than 110% from himself and his teammates, the man that adopted his own Mamba Mentality, there are some all-time quotes that he left in addition to his amazing basketball legacy.
“No matter what, people are going to like you or not like you. So be authentic, and let them like you or not for who you actually are.”
“I have nothing in common with lazy people who blame others for their lack of success.”
“May you always remember to enjoy the road, especially when it’s a hard one.”
“Pain doesn’t tell you when you ought to stop. Pain is the little voice in your head that tries to hold you back because it knows if you continue, you will change.”
And my all-time favorite:
“Are you a different animal, and the same beast?”
2. Michael Jordan
The title GOAT is not given, it’s earned. And while there is endless debate of subjectivity around the topic of greatest basketball player of all time, there is undeniably one man who is never excluded from the conversation. Before Kobe, before Lebron, there was MJ, an undeniable talent with undeterred motivation.
“Some people want it to happen, some wish it would happen, others make it happen."
“If it turns out that my best wasn’t good enough, at least I won’t look back and say I was afraid to try.”
“Champions do not become champions when they win an event, but in the hours, weeks, and months, and years they spend preparing for it. The victorious performance itself is merely a demonstration of their championship character.”
And my personal favorite:
“I’ve missed more than 9000 shots in my career. I’ve lost almost 300 games. 26 times, I’ve been trusted to take the game winning shot and missed. I’ve failed over and over and over again in my life. And that is why I succeed."
1. Muhammad Ali
Anyone who has watched Muhammad Ali box knows that there is a certain poetry to his movements—a beauty to his bouts. But outside the ring, in addition to unflappable confidence, Ali was able to eloquently speak his mind in pithy, poetic ways.
“It's hard to be humble when you're as great as I am."
“I hated every minute of training, but I said, ‘Don’t quit. Suffer now and live the rest of your life as a champion.'”
“Float like a butterfly, sting like a bee. His hands can't hit what his eyes can't see. Now you see me, now you don't. George thinks he will, but I know he won't."
“Impossible is just a big word thrown around by small men who find it easier to live in the world they’ve been given than to explore the power they have to change it. Impossible is not a fact. It’s an opinion. Impossible is not a declaration. It’s a dare. Impossible is potential. Impossible is temporary. Impossible is nothing.”
And one final poem:
“I’ve wrestled with alligators,
I’ve tussled with a whale.
I done handcuffed lightning
And throw thunder in jail.
You know I’m bad.
just last week, I murdered a rock,
Injured a stone, Hospitalized a brick.
I’m so mean, I make medicine sick.”
Poetry in motion and on the microphone.
What The Friday? – Belief
There are a lot of different ways to exercise belief, but arguably one of the hardest beliefs is believing in ourselves. It is no small task to be as confident as some of the names above, especially when we may not have as much to show for it.
But one former baseball player, Mookie Wilson, found a way to so eloquently sum up how easy self-belief can be, and with it, he created the most ridiculous, and thus my favorite, sports quote of all time:
“When I’m in a slump, I comfort myself by saying if I believe in dinosaurs, then somewhere, they must be believing in me. And if they believe in me, then I can believe in me. Then I bust out.”
At the end of the day, it’s just that simple. Thank you, Mookie.
Wrap-Up:
Sports are beautiful for a variety of reasons. They are entertaining, motivational, and sometimes accidentally hilarious (cue video of RayGun’s Olympic Breaking routine). But no matter what we take away from sports, there will always be more athletes and coaches finding new ways to hold a special place in our hearts.
Also, I would be remiss if I did not include the obligatory link to Kobe Bryant’s famous letter on his then-impending retirement from basketball: Dear Basketball.
Get the tissues ready and have a great weekend.
Friday - August 23rd, 2024
Top 5 Funnest Fungi
Introduction:
When looking at the tree of life, it’s easy to understand that we as humans are closely related to other primates and even other mammals. But the further back down the branches you go, the harder it is to see how we share a common ancestor.
This is especially true when looking back and seeing our shared ancestor with fungi. In fact, we are more closely related to fungi than other eukaryotic lifeforms like plants. Still, fungi get a bad reputation seeing as their growth is generally associated with something spoiled like mold on food.
Aside from some of the most interesting looking organisms that inhabit our planet, fungi also boast some very unique characteristics. So today let’s look at some of the more impressive fungi—the good, the bad, and the ugly, forgotten cousins.
5. Lobster Mushrooms
Many fungi are parasitic, able to grow within other living organisms causing varying degrees of harm to their host in exchange for a free ride and free nutrients. Lobster Mushrooms are a parasitic fungus that are unique in that their host organisms are other fungi. Some (me) are even calling it Funginception.
Despite the name, these fungi are not mushrooms nor crustaceans, though they do resemble the same reddish flesh that we all know and love on the inside of an overpriced roll.
Even with the misnomer, these are some of the most unique fungi in the eukaryotic kingdom.
4. Geastrum – Earthstars
Say one thing for fungi, say they have some great names. Earthstars are a type of mushroom that forms a puffed-out, flower like shape around the inner fruiting body. This internal portion resembles a chestnut resting within the “star” portion as it unfolds.
In addition to their unique appearance, these mushrooms contain spores in the center that erupt when mature as means of reproduction. While “spores” generally have a negative connotation, these mushrooms are non-toxic. (Though also inedible).
Along with their cool appearance and name, they make some appearances in local legends. The Blackfoot Native Americans called them “fallen stars” and believed that they were indicators of supernatural events. Overall, a cool, harmless mushroom.
3. Oyster Mushrooms
While some fungi rely on parasitism, deriving nutrients from their host directly, some operate on a system of saprotrophic nutrition where they eat decaying matter. They are commonly found on dying trees and rather than being the cause of the trees decay, they actively “eat” the decaying matter as the tree dies of other causes.
In addition to being helpful to dying trees, oyster mushrooms are edible (and delicious). They are also unique however for having a carnivorous tendency. There is one subspecies, P. ostreatus that has been observed using its roots or mycelia to capture nematodes and use them as a source of nutrients, namely nitrogen.
As the Oyster mushrooms giveth, so too do they taketh away. Such is the circle of life.
2. Octopus Stinkhorn - Devil’s Fingers
The names just keep on giving.
And this one is excessively accurate. These fungi have little red “arms” the sprout from the center looking a lot like octopus legs or the Devil’s fingers. Along with being disconcerting to look at, they also ooze a black slime and are known to smell awful. How lovely. This slime contains their spores and the fowl smell attracts flies that then carry those spores off to other places for these fungi to reproduce.
Oh, and they also hatch from eggs. I don’t know if I really believe that aliens already walk among us, but a strong case could be made that these things are not of this Earth.
1. Cordyceps
Even before their rapid ride into stardom being featured in “The Last of Us” videogame and show, Cordyceps got a name for themselves as being an aggressively parasitic species of fungi. The main hosts for their parasitism are insects and arthropods thankfully, but you never know when one wants to get crafty and start a worldwide zombie pandemic.
The basic mechanism of their takeover involves a slow, hostile takeover of their host’s flesh. If you ever see a video of ants that are infected, they are not having a great time.
If there is one pop culture premise that I hope missed the mark on apocalyptic future predictions, I hope it’s The Last of Us. I don’t know about you, but I am not too keen on having a fungi slowly take over my body.
What The Friday? – Revolutionizing Transit
Splitting hairs here as I go back one common ancestor further to another neighboring eukaryotic branch to look at Physarum polycephalum, a type of Amoebozoa. And if you are one of the four people who know that distinction, kindly keep it to yourself.
This organism is known as an acellular slime mold or “the blob” and it has exhibited some unique characteristics that researchers in Japan and Hungary used to revolutionize their public transit system.
These blobs are great at finding the shortest path between two sources of food and as such, researches decided to use them to find the most efficient routes for their national train systems. Using nutrient sources as cities on a scale map of their countries, researchers let the blog do its work and laid out a map of the most efficient way to plot a transit system.
America, take notes.
Wrap-Up:
There are amazing life forms all around us and whether they are parasitic, symbiotic, or utterly harmless, they are all fascinating.
I, for one, love the idea of finding the unique abilities of more living organisms on our planet to revolutionize the way we organize infrastructure, use energy, or any other ingenuity we can derive from the world around us.
So go out and find new fungi and organisms to study this weekend. Find them out in the wild, eat them to see what happens. Why not? You only get one life after all.
(For legal reasons, I have to clarify that the above statement is nothing more than a joke).
Friday - August 16th, 2024
Top 5 Weirdest Experiments
Introduction:
The Scientific Method is a tried and true way of approaching complex issues and testing observed results against an expected hypothesis. Throughout history, this has been performed across an array of areas testing everything from gravity to penicillin.
But not all experiments are created equal. Some people misinterpret results, others set up their experiments in ways that are not conducive with drawing a valid conclusion, and others? Others are just bat shit crazy.
There have been many “experiments” run by individuals with varrying degrees of credibility. And as such, not all experiments done in the name of “science” can be lauded as impressive advancements in human understanding.
Today we look at some of the most unnecessary or weird experiments that have ever been conducted.
5. Stanford Prison Experiment
This one, while being one of the most well-known, is far down on this list because the experiment and results were not so hair brained as the rest, though still highly scrutinized. The weirdest part about this experiment is that it went through approval and was actually conducted.
In 1971, 24 men were selected to participate in this experiment for $15 per day as they were separated into guards and prisoners in an attempt to understand the relationship and power dynamics that occur within real prisons.
To the surprise of only the researchers (who clearly had not read Lord of the Flies), the experiment had to be stopped early only 6 days in when the guards took their power trip too far causing physical and emotional harm to those playing the role of the prisoners. Again, not real prisoners, just volunteers.
The study has been criticized for a number of reasons including a low degree of reproducibility and the fact that many think that those in positions of power within the experiment acted in ways they expected the researchers would have wanted them too. Either way, it was a pretty bleak showing of human compassion and I don’t understand, even if successful, what they were really trying to prove.
4. Milgram Obedience
To say these experiments went shockingly bad is not only an understatement, but it’s in really poor taste. But yes, I’m making it anyway.
Ten years before the Stanford Prison Experiment, Yale psychologist Stanley Milgram wanted to set up an experiment to see how far people were willing to go at the urging of a researcher in the name of science.
There were many ways this could have been performed, but Milgram chose to stage a situation in which the participant would be given access to a voltmeter attached to another human’s head and were instructed by the researcher to increase the voltage every time the subject got something wrong. (They did this without actually hooking the electrodes up, that is what is known in the science world as “torture”).
While many people were hesitant, many were susceptible to increasing the voltage over time until it reached what would have been fatal doses of electricity. Milgram published his findings in an attempt to understand the culpability and suggestibility of those involved in the Holocaust genocide.
But unfortunately for him (and fortunately for my faith in humanity), there has been little reproducibility and much scrutiny in the results of this study.
3. Project MKUltra
Sounds way cooler than what it actually was.
This program was instituted by the CIA in the 1950’s before being haltd in the 70s. The objective of MKUltra was to devise ways for the CIA to essentially brain wash people they were interrogating to receive forced confessions. This may have made a lot more sense during the beginnings of the Cold War, but the methods, means, and unwitting subjects did not make for a peer-review worthy study.
The CIA tested numerous methods in an effort to coerce people into divulging true information against their will—basically, they wanted a truth serum. And when the electrotherapy, hypnosis, isolation, and other abuses didn’t work, the CIA turned to ol’ reliable: Drugs.
LSD was not well understood and the great minds at the CIA found it fit to begin taking the psychedelic drug and dosing people from mental institutions, prisons, and hospitals with LSD (still against their will as you can imagine) all with the highly scientific hypothesis of “We want to fuck around and find out.”
Surprise, surprise, this did not lead to any meaningful advancements in espionage, but when this all came to light, it did erode the American publics’ faith in the validity of our government’s promises to protect us as citizens so… win-win, right?
2. Universe 25 – Mouse Utopia
Alright, let’s stop torturing humans and focus on the other critters that have been subject to our less-than-perfect machinations. After all, the phrase “lab-rat” came from somewhere. While there are many ethical concerns about using rodents for scientific experiments, I still think it’s far preferable than starting with humans.
In the 1960’s (and yes there is a theme that the 19060s-70s were weird times), a man who was obsessed with mice named John B. Calhoun devised a massive enclosure for mice that he deemed a “mouse universe” or “Universe 25.”
Calhoun wanted to show the effects of increasing population and an increasingly urban society by giving the mice a surplus of resources but forcing them into spaces that were fairly confined. As time wore on, social hierarchies were constructed as some mice thrived and others were ostracized.
Calhoun used this experiment to extrapolate that increasing global population and urbanization would cause an increase in social stratification and violence, but many people have had issues with these claims.
For one, we are not mice, so there’s that. Also, he gave his mice plenty of food and water, but no other stimuli than to interact with each other. Human’s not only have the ability to communicate more effectively, but also have a plethora of stimuli that we can rely on to keep from going full Lord of the Flies on each other.
1. Telepathic Space Dolphins
You guessed it, we’re back in the 1960’s. Seriously, what the hell was going on around then? (Oh… yeah. Right.)
Margaret Howe Lovatt was a naturalist who had the goal of teaching dolphins human speech. While in Saint Thomas, U.S. Virgin Islands, Lovatt met John. C Lilly who was a Neuroscientist from Cal Tech who was using grant money from NASA and the US Navy in an attempt to speak to extraterrestrials.
I cannot emphasize this enough… the 60s were so weird.
Well as their paths crossed, Lovatt began her experiments on three dolphins, trying to get them to understand and mimic human speech. Two dolphins were female and one was a young male named Peter, and if you’re wondering why I mention the dolphins’ genders, you should probably stop reading now.
As the lessons progressed, Lovatt noticed and increase in Peter the dolphin’s sexual urges and his ability to communicate them to her.
So, as any normal person would do, she decided not to bring Peter to the female dolphin tank, but to just… give him a helping hand.
To tie this all together, John C. Lilly had received funding to test the effects of LSD on dolphins and… nothing.
To no one’s surprise, he did not contact extraterrestrials, and Lovatt’s strides in communicating with dolphins was overshadowed by the fact that she got way too close with Peter.
Okay, we’re almost done, then we can all bleach our eyeballs and curse the universe for blessing us with the ability to read.
What The Friday? – Monster Study
“The scariest monsters are human beings and what we will do to each other.” – Jared Harris
Unfortunately, sometimes this is all too true. In 1939 in Iowa, Professor Wendell Johnson of the University of Iowa and his grad student Mary Tudor conducted an experiment on 22 orphaned children. Great premise, I know.
They too these children and dived them up into two groups. One group was praised for their speech, and the other was belittled for their stuttering. The real kicker is that those children did not have a stutter.
While the children who were praised were predictably fine, the children who started out speaking perfectly who were belittled suffered psychological effects that impacted their speech for the rest of their lives. I don’t know what this study was trying to prove, but I know for sure that Johnson and Tudor are true Monsters.
Wrap-Up:
Well, isn’t science fun?
From the bizarre, to deranged, to actually innovative, many people have gone out and put their theories to the test. Unfortunately, people have been the collateral in far too many of them and they have had some serious adverse effects.
Hopefully you don’t get experimented on this weekend and the curious minds of the world are preforming fewer ethically ambiguous studies in the future.
Friday - August 9th, 2024
Top 5 Human Improvements
Introduction:
Humans have become the world’s most dominant species by virtue of our incredible adaptability, not due to any particular specialization outside of long-distance endurance, and an over-formed prefrontal cortex.
Despite this lack of super remarkable traits (at least as compared to some other Earthly species), humans have come to inhabit the entirety of the world and have found a way to avoid or outmaneuver all other predators. Still, there are times that I think it would be cool to be a little further down the food chain in exchange for some highly-specialized abilities.
Bears are able to store energy and hibernate, birds can soar, and snakes can eat meals at around 10% of their body weight. All we get is coherent communication, taxes, and social-induced anxiety… cool.
I often find myself wondering what it would be like to have another kind of specialized ability. Today we look at the top 5 things that I wish humans were able to do. (Without going too far into the realm of fantasy or science fiction).
5. Just Like a Shrimp
As humans, we have a variety of different muscle fibers that are good for different things. And many of our most prominent athletic events are built to test those limits: longest run, fastest run, highest jump, most weight lifted. All of these are testaments to the peak of human athletic prowess, some of which is attributed to favorable genetic makeups, and another large part owed to years of hard work.
Still, on the scale of impressive feats, human plyometrics to not crack the top 10 for species in the world.
For example: the alpheidae or “Pistol Shrimp” are able to snap their massive claw in such a way that sends a shockwave of water at nearly 60 mph and is able to kill some of their prey on contact. This also creates a cavitation in the water that emits a small burst of light like thunder and lightning under the water.
I’m not saying that I wished humans had this ability all the time, we would be far too reckless with it.
But I’m not saying it wouldn’t be kinda cool…
4. Thermostats
If you’re anything like me, you run on one side of the temperature spectrum and can never seem to regulate appropriately. I am a constant furnace and cant even drink hot coffee in the winter without sweating. I know other people with poor circulation who are always freezing.
And I get it, our bodies are working really hard to try and make sure that all systems are running at peak performance and optimal temperature, but there is really very little we can do about it. We can change our clothes and our environment, but if our bodies want to give off heat, they will, and if they can’t warm themselves up, there’s only so many layers we can add.
Some animals have evolved to survive the harshest of conditions on both sides of the temperature spectrum and all I am asking for is a way to effectively (and selectively) store our heat so that we can use it at times of need.
Is that so much to ask?
3. Sleep Storage
Even better than being able to store and use heat as needed would be the ability to do the same with sleep.
Sleep is not very well understood other than the conclusion that we need to do it, plain and simple. Our bodies recover constantly, but we still need a period of pretend-death every day to be able to function. Fine, that’s fair.
The issue I have with it is that it takes up a third of our entire lives and it’s far too regular. I would rather store up all my sleep for one big day each week and just power through the other six. I mean, what else am I doing on Sundays? Imagine if every time we got tired we just pushed it off to sleep more later and instantly felt more alert.
I can dream.
2. Limitless
Some people have been known to have photographic or eidetic memories which allow them to recall conversations and events with an impressive amount of detail. However, for the rest of us, we are forever locked in the struggle of trying to remember where we put our keys and having fights about what we did or did not say.
I don’t think we all need to be able to recall everything all the time, that would be a nightmare, but if we were able to selectively recall portions of our lives at a time, I think we could seriously improve upon how we live.
After all, the way we act is simply dependent on past experiences and how we navigated them then. This would allow us to recall better how things played out last time and adjust accordingly.
Not to mention that nearly all arguments over communication would dissolve immediately.
1. Photosynthesis
I have no idea what sunlight tastes like, or if plants even enjoy it, but the idea of photosynthesizing for nutrition has to be one of my top grievances as a human.
I love food and eating is one of the most fun things we can do, trying new cuisines or eating an old familiar meal are both wonderful experiences.
But sometimes it is also just such a chore. Getting enough calories each and every day is difficult for a large portion of the world, and for the rest, with great access to food, its expensive. The only winners are the tall green ones outside that just need a mostly, sunny day and some good, earthy soil and they’re set.
Imagine laying in the park on a beautiful day but oh no, you’re hungry and you didn’t bring snacks. It’s such a perfect day, you don’t want to have to pack up and leave and probably not return. No, you want to just be able to absorb the nutrients provided by the life-giver of our solar system, feel full, and continue on in your blissful contentment.
Now that… that is the dream.
What The Friday? – Amazing Human Feats
Some people are built different. Literally.
There are people like Wim Hof, the Dutch man who is not only a motivational speaker, but is also quite literally immune to cold temperatures. He regularly submerges himself in freezing water only to sit there stoically with a face that says: “Not too bad.”
Or how about Thai Ngoc, the man who claims that he has had insomnia so bad that he hasn’t slept in over five decades. Whatever science may argue, he seems to function relatively well.
Or Veronica Seider, the German girl who can see clearly at a world-record distance of 1200 yards.
These are all people who, in my opinion, are living the dream, they are basically real-life super heroes like the X-men only without all the blatant ostracization. Hopefully they appreciate the amazing gifts they have been given.
Wrap-Up:
Yeah so I’m a little bitter. Whatever, I’m sure if I had been born an eagle I would be bored by flight and still annoyed at how difficult it was to catch my prey.
I like to think that on some distant planet in another galaxy, there is a dominant species that has evolved in wonderfully specialized ways that they cherish and appreciate.
Because I know that I sure don’t appreciate our best trait being marathon running.
Rant over, weekend time.
Friday - August 2nd, 2024
Top 5 Olympic Moments
Introduction:
The Olympics brings out the best show in sports every 2 years and in Honor of these Paris Summer Games, we will be looking at some of the greatest moments. (I am keeping them mostly to the Summer Games, but when you see #1 you’ll understand why I had to be flexible).
They serve as a reminder of the peak of Unity that we so often strive to attain under a common banner. There is a feeling across countries of pride in sending their best to compete in (mostly) free, fair, friendly competition for the immortalizing title of Olympic Champion.
Aside from the obvious amazement of watching Phelps and Bolt and Biles and Ledecky and all the other unbelievably fast, strong, competent athletes, there have been myriad of amazing events across the 128 years that the modern games have been held. Displays of heart, humanity, and humility are easy to come by when people know that they are competing for something larger than themselves. From North and South Korea marching under one flag to Jesse Owens winning four Gold Medals in front of the Nazi Party in Berlin, it is not just blwoing smoke to say that the Olympic Games are bigger than just the sports and athletes.
While there are too many to list, today we look at five of the most chill-inducing displays of humanity, unity, or sheer willpower that have been on display at the Olympic Games over the years.
5. Unbreakable
Winning an Olympic medal is just about the peak of individual athletic performance, let alone a gold medal. Let alone a Gold Medal on a broken leg, a leg that had been broken only moments before attempting the same event.
But that was the reality of Keri Strug’s incredible Gold Medal in the Vault event of the Gymnastics at the 1996 Summer Games in front of a home crowd in Atlanta.
There is the old adage of getting back on the horse, but Keri took that literally and immediately to heart after a failed vault attempt saw her with a broken ankle. But after getting it tapped up and set, she attempted her vault again, landing ever so briefly on two feet before taking to one leg to take her bow like a heroic flamingo, bringing home gold in her home country.
The whole video can be seen here.
4. Golden Defiance
In the midst of one of the greatest periods of civil change and progress in the United States, Tommie Smith and John Carlos won gold and bronze respectively in the 200 m at the 1968 Olympic Games in Mexico City.
On the podium, they delivered one of the most iconic salutes both placing a glove on their hand and raising them in the air in a replication of the Black Power symbol which had gained massive popularity as a symbol of civil progress in the United States in the recent years.
This act earned both Smith and Carlos expulsion from the Games, as the IOC claimed that their act was a “deliberate and violent breach of the fundamental principles of the Olympic spirit.” This from the same IOC that has always wielded bans against countries that have committed political or militaristic atrocities… sure.
Smith would go on to explain the act with the sentiment that if he won, he would be deemed “an American,” but if he had lost or done poorly, he would simply be judged on his skin color.
Thankfully, they both got to keep the medals that they worked hard for and earned for their country.
3. A Promise Kept
Before the Beijing Olympics in 2008, German powerlifter Matthias Steiner had promised his wife, Susann, that he would win a gold medal.
Tragically, Susann died before the 2008 Games and Matthias was left with that lingering promise.
After a number of failures in the competition, Matthias would steel himself for one last, Herculean effort where he added 10 kg (22 lbs) to his lift to claim the gold medal. He cited a “strong, inner surge,” as the reason he was able to add so much weight and lift it successfully, leading many to speculate that his wife was there with him, helping him lift the final weight and fulfill his promise.
Warning: This video’s creator may have been cutting onions.
2. Father of the Century
I’m not crying, but whoever made this video was also definitely cutting onions.
After trying to come back from 5 surgeries in the previous year, Derek Redmond of Great Britain found himself in a position to compete for gold in the final of the men’s 400 m in Barcelona in 1992.
200 meters and 20 seconds into the race however, he pulls up short grabbing his right leg and limping as the field quickly outpaces him. After a few moments, he is able to stand and begins limping toward the finish line when a man charges from the stands and waves off all the security personnel who try to stop him. This was Derek’s father, Jim.
Jim helped Derek walk across the finish line, uncaring about the likely lifetime Olympic ban he was about to receive, and in that moment he won not only the “Dad of the Year 1992” award, but also cemented his place in the annals of Olympic history with a beautiful display of love for his son.
1. Do You Believe In Miracles?
Much like the Lovin’ Spoonful believes in magic… yes I do.
Great moments are born from great opportunities. And that is what the United States Hockey Team had in 1980. Months before the United States would boycott the 1980 Summer Games in Moscow over the Soviet invasion of Afghanistan, Lack Placid, New York hosted the Winter Games. The Soviet team at the time was comprised of large, professional hockey players who were set to sweep every team they faced. The American team, on the other hand, was comprised of some relative unknowns from the collegiate level.
A varitable David V. Goliath matchup came about between the USA and the USSR in the midst of the cold war and though national pride and patriotism can be difficult to find on a daily basis, there is no greater unifier than sports.
There is little I can write here that will be better than just doing yourself a favor and watching the movie Miracle. (Again).
If you haven’t seen it, stop reading this now. I mean right now. Forget about work for the day and go do yourself a favor. Take the next 2 hours and come out the other side a changed (and undoubtedly better) person.
What else can I say?
What The Friday? – Tarzan
One hundred years ago, in the very same City of Lights where the Summer Games are currently being held, there is one name from 1924 that rose above all others—Johnny Weissmuller.
After getting his start in water polo, Weissmuller began competitive swimming in 1921 and 3 years later was a 3-time Olympic Champion as well as a member of the bronze medal USA water polo team in Paris.
He would go on to win 2 more swimming gold medals in the 100 Freestyle and 4x200 Freestyle Relay in Amsterdam in 1928. Four years later, as the 1932 Los Angeles Olympics rolled around, Weissmuller would be in the City of Angels, but rather than competing for gold, he was starring as Tarzan in Tarzan the Ape Man in which he recorded his iconic yell.
Olympic Champion to movie star is not a leap that is so easily made, but if anyone can do it, it’s Tarzan himself. Iconic.
Wrap-Up:
I don’t know about you, but I’m fired up. If nothing else, the Olympics is great for reminding us the greatest moments come when we are able to realize that there are things much bigger and much more important to compete for than ourselves.
Do yourself a favor and watch some of the athletes compete this weekend. Whatever country, whatever event you like, but go out and see the heart that is on display every single day.
Friday - July 26th, 2024
Top 5 Things That Slowly Became Scams
Introduction:
It’s easy to have good intentions when something is just starting out. You have a great idea for a business and you’re going to save the world and it’s all sunshine and rainbows.
Then you see your first few commas and zeros on the end of a check and suddenly the morality of the thing and the financial stability it could provide with just a little bit of compromise are at war. Being moral and just is easy when you aren’t being offered money that could legitimately change how you live and improve the lives of people around you.
Unfortunately, many time things start as legitimate and altruistic and are slowly gouged until they are wholly unrecognizable scams that drain our soul.
5. Diamonds
That 24 karat sparkle is not quite as rare as you may thing. Diamonds are not precious, they are not inherently a measure of love, and anyone besides a certified gemologist who tells you they totally know something is a lab grown diamond is full of it.
The diamond industry is not bolstered by a true reflection of their supply. Rather, it is artificially inflated through supply withholdings and aggressive marketing campaigns from DeBeers that taught the world that diamonds (especially the really big expensive kind) mean love.
Now, these shiny little light-refractors are synonymous with Beyoncé and saying “I do.” And in the process, you’ll spend all your hard earned money to get something for someone who is supposed to love you no matter what sort of financial expenditures you give them.
Pretty? Yes. Scam? Absolutely.
2/10 for the pretty colors.
4. Ticketmaster
Basically all ticketing services at this point really, Ticketmaster is just the most recent one to catch the most flack. I imagine all of these companies’ headquarters as tall, brutal, black buildings that are perpetually silhouetted by lightning while an ominous organ plays a death march from within.
Why are we paying 100% markup to go see our favorite artists? What is the convenience you’re charging us exorbitant fees for?
In their inception, these companies were providing a service of not having to leave your home and wait in line and go to the actual box office for concert tickets. But now, all events, artists, and venues can list their tickets online anyway, so why do we need these over-priced middle men?
Hint: We don’t.
These days, these services buy up all the tickets only to resell them back to us for double the cost if you can get them at all. They are predatory and monopolistic and overall they are actively trying to separate all of us from the fun and good times that we want to experience at concerts.
0/10, Next.
3. Weddings
I am not here to take a stand on the validity, merit, or sanctity of marriage as a union. Whatever floats your boat, you do you. But the event of weddings themselves have become insanely, outrageously, criminally expensive and prices are not coming back down anytime soon.
Because people continue to get married, and increasingly, big events have to be picture (and social media) perfect, the costs associated with making the “big day” perfect are bordering on criminal.
Renting out venues for other events are about 1/10 the cost, but as soon as you say the word wedding, the venue host’s eyes turn to cartoon dollar signs and suddenly you’re bankrupt all because the cute girl in math class smiled at you seven years ago.
Other than boycotting the wedding industry or stopping great big wedding celebrations (which won’t happen), there is little that actually be done in the near term to bring the sky high pricing of these lavish affairs back to earth.
-5/10 great party, horrible investment.
2. Mega Churches
Just as I did not rain on the parade of marriage as an institution, I am not taking a major stance on the validity of religion as a whole. (That is an argument for another day).
However, there is something wrong when the leaders of some of these massive churches are flying around the world on private jets.
Trying to spread moral and character teachings to as many people as possible is a commendable premise. However, those teachings are more likely to fall on deaf ears when you’re shouting it from the inside of a multi-thousand dollar suit.
As soon as some people figured out that religious institutions are tax-exempt, the loophole portion of their brains started thrumming and megachurches were born.
Kenneth Copeland and Joel Osteen types are about the most deplorable people on the planet and deserve none of what they have.
-10/10 Definitely on God’s naughty list.
1. Subscription Services
Much like Anakin becoming Darth Vader, streaming subscription services became the very thing (cable) that they sought to destroy. As these services have proliferated into every facet of our life (groceries, fitness, etc.), they have become more and more of a scam.
Instead of paying $100 for cable each month, you only have to pay $10 for streaming. Great, right? Only now we have 15 services that we are subscribed to and we are so overwhelmed with choices that instead of watching a movie for 2 hours, we just aimlessly cycle through titles while having an anxious breakdown.
I don’t think our lives are better or simpler or more streamlined or synergistic or whatever other corporate marketing jargon they use to pitch these things to us—it’s just more of the same repackaged into a fun, exciting new bundle.
The basic model for these services is that so many people will sign up when they think of something they want to do or watch, then forget about it as they don’t notice the $10 leeching from their bank account every month.
We have come so far that now there are services that you pay to find all your unused subscriptions and cancel them for you.
It’s almost enough to make you want to call Comcast and ask for cable again.
-100/10, bad money vampires.
What The Friday? – Shrinkflation
In the midst of a roaring surge of inflation across the world of consumer goods, price gouging for high-demand items and events like concerts, eggs, and weddings is as understandable as it is frustrating.
The issue that companies have is optics. People notice when things become outrageously more expensive than they used to be. (And when they don’t, thank you Arizona Iced Tea and Costco hotdogs, we salute you). So companies figured out a long time ago that if they cant raise prices, they can lower supply. After all, can you really tell the difference between a 10 oz and 8.8 oz granola bar? No, and they know it.
So they began shrinkflating their products, cutting things down just enough so that it was not immediately noticeable, but enough that their bottom line remained afloat and their CEO got to keep his 6th lake house.
-1000/10, what’s fun about “fun sized” candy?
Wrap Up:
Sure, sometimes I get on a soapbox, but there are legitimate injustices in the world that need to be highlighted. It is frustrating when things start with good intentions and they slowly start eroding until they become a part of the problem rather than part of the solution.
Still, there is hope, and there are companies that fight the good fight and keep their tea and hot dogs away from the clutches of more financial interests.
So get out there and be a dreamer, be bold, do good things. Just try not to let money change the end goal.
Friday - July 19th, 2024
Top 5 Most Frustrating Words in English
Introduction:
English is not a language birthed from long traditions of building upon an established linguistic base—it is a Frankeinstein’s Monster of a language that has terrorized villages across the world and stolen whatever words its likes and claiming them for its own.
The resulting monstrosity is a hodgepodge of words with different bases and other languages of origin that make for a nightmare of rules that we teach in an effort to make it easier. Only… the “rules” are often less helpful. Remember learning i before e, except after c? Well that rule is broken far more than it’s followed so why did we learn it? And what about silent letters? What are we doing there? We took all the u’s out of worlds like colour and favour to save on printing costs, but we left silent letters in the words knife, lamb, and lasagna?
(Don’t even get me started on verb tenses completely changing words).
Because of the absolutely ridiculous nature of English language origins, we are left with a language whose rules are only barely able to be understood by its native speakers.
5. Sean
Starting off with a hit piece. If your name is Sean, I’m sorry to tell you, your parents and everyone in the English language lied to you and from now on we will be pronouncing this “Sean” to rhyme with “Bean.” If you want your name pronounced “Shawn,” you must spell it as such to rhyme with “Dawn.”
Currently your name as it is should be pronounced “Seen,” but then that wouldn’t rhyme with “Been” despite the fact that they differ only by 1 letter.
Moral of the story, English is a disaster and all Sean’s and their parents are liars. Welcome to your new life as “Shawn.”
4. Bologna
This word and its spelling are a bunch of Bologna. I understand that when we take words from other languages they will undergo some pronunciation changes, especially in the case of foods we enjoy but cannot pronounce like croissant and sorbet.
Still, this is what we call a mess of meat from Bologna, Italy that does exist, but the only issue is that in Bologna, this mess of mystery meat is called Mortadella.
So what are we doing here? I have no idea.
The new spelling is “Baloney.”
3. Queue
What in the lazy-latter hell are the u’s and e’s doing here? Serious question. If anyone can tell me, I would seriously love to know.
Say this out loud: Queue
Now this one: Q
Did anything change? No? So then what are we doing? Simply wasting ink to appear fancy? I cannot stress enough how useless these letters are after the Q.
The new spelling in Q, get on board or get left.
2. Epitome
Despite being an avid reader for my entire life, there are some words that just don’t come across correctly. I have heard the word “Epitome” aloud, but when I first read it, I did not piece together that they were one in the same. Yes, I thought it was Epi-tome, just as we all did.
There are few words that end in a single e that have the long e vowel sound. (Don’t get me started on long and short vowel sounds. Spanish has one for each and they do just fine.) ‘Me’ and ‘Apostrophe” are some other examples, but in general, the long e sound is denoted by one of several things: the double e, like in coffee; an i, like in ski; an ey, like in barley; or an ea like in tea.
Do any of those make much more sense? Not really, but it’s all a mess so oh well.
New spelling is now: Epitomey. (Or Epitomi, or Epitomee, or Epitomea, or Epitomi… Dealer’s choice.)
1. Colonel
We already have this word and it is not spelled like this. I understand we have homophones in English, but none are nearly as egregious as this. Red and read… sure, close enough. There, their, they’re… you’re pushing it, but fine.
Colonel and Kernel? Absolutely not. No.
I am not one to make major overhauls to systems that are tried and true, but I cannot be silent any longer. Ever Colonel in the military is now a Kernel. (Abbreviated “KER”)
(Bonus: Lieutenant Colonels are now Lieutenant Kernels Abbreviated “LTK.”)
What The Friday? – ‘ough’
You can be rough and tough and still go through hardships throughout your life. At many times I have thought that I ought to cough, but then I just make some dough in the borough even though there is a drought.
Aside from being nonsensical, the combination of ‘ough’ in the two sentences above are pronounced 5 different ways—that is simply not okay. Across the language, there are 9 different ways to pronounce that combination of letters and there is no way to know other than through trial and error.
Absolute disaster, I don’t have a fix at this time, but I know this isn’t it.
Wrap Up:
For native speakers, this may not be as much of an issue, but it is the principle of the thing that is the most frustrating. We use a language that follows no rules but its own and we apologize to no one in the process. I think it’s high time we start overhauling the language and making some much needed changes.
As soon as Merriam-Webster responds to my DM’s on Instagram we can make some serious progress.
Friday - July 12th, 2024
Top 5 Most Misattributed Quotes in History
Introduction:
As a species, we have a certain inclination toward poignant and powerful quotes. Some people are able to use words in a way that inspire us to do better, be more, or simply make us stop and think. We also have a tendency to feel more inspired by these words when they come from the pens or lips of people who have been influential in history.
Having your president tell you that “there is nothing to fear but fear itself,” is a lot more comforting than hearing it from down your hallway when you thought you were home alone.
In this as with so many other things in life—context matters.
Unfortunately, many quotes that have been popularized and attributed to famous historical figures were not actually said by those people, or if they were, they were just reiterating what another had said. Today we look at some of the most popularly misattributed quotes and where (or whom) they actually came from.
5. Washington the Liar
“I cannot tell a lie.”
But my biographers sure can.
George Washington is a fairly mythic figure in American history and as our nation’s first leader, he is often revered and idolized. But while his accomplishments speak for themselves, he also gets some credit for things he didn’t do.
The famous story goes that he chopped down his father’s cherry tree and when it came time to pay the piper, he did not do what most kids would and skirt the truth, instead standing and proclaiming to his father that he did in fact cut it down saying: “I cannot tell a lie.”
And while this is a great story that highlights the morality of a man we want to revere; this was just simply not true. This detail and quote were a fabrication made by biographers along the way.
4. Marilyn Monroe and Bad Behavior
“Well-behaved women seldom make history.”
But people who misattribute quotes to famous actors live forever. (In the obscure annals of social media).
While this sounds like something the famously sultry actress may have said during her lifetime, the origins of this quote actually come from Laurel Thatcher Ulrich who first wrote this line in the 1970’s before writing a book with the same title in the early 2000’s.
While the words are the same, many people like to link this quote to a woman whose fame is partially attributed to her inversion of the stereotype of women needing to be well-behaved.
3. Machiavelli the Utilitarian
“The ends justify the means.”
This is a famous quote that has been used as a utilitarian slogan especially from rulers and especially around wartime. Often it is attributed to Niccolo Machiavelli from his writings The Prince. And while he reiterates this sentiment, speaking to how the actions of the nobility affected the lower class, he was not the first to express this relationship.
The first written record of this was from the Roman poet Ovid (Publius Ovidius Naso) who lived as BC became AD. In his work Heroides, Ovid wrote “Exitus acta probat,” which translates to, “The results justify the means.”
Let this be a lesson that if you want to be famously attributed to something, find something from 1500 years ago and rework it a little and make it yours, after all, who’s going to remember?
2. Oscar Wilde’s Sense of Self
“Be yourself, everyone else is already taken.”
Oscar Wilde was many things, including a champion for self-assurance, but this 19th century writer did not ever record these exact words.
In fact, no record of this sentence can be found until one publication in the Hudson Review in 1967, 67 years after the death of Oscar Wilde.
This serves as a reminder that you are never too old (or too dead) to stop hustling. If you want to get famous and chase clout from the grave, there is literally nothing stopping you.
1. Einstein’s Insanity
Everyone knows that “The definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results.” And while this adage is a good reminder to not beat our heads against the wall repeatedly, it is not an Einstein original.
The man was a genius there is no doubt about it, but he was too busy untethering the fabric of the universe to also be delivering famous quotes day after day. Much like with Wilde, this quote did not appear until after Einstein had passed in the 1980’s in a publication for Narcotics Anonymous.
I get the appeal, we would rather hear the worlds smartest man tell us that we simply have to change our approach, after all, he was testing theories until the day he died, but we should be able to take this advice regardless of the fame of its originator.
What The Friday? – The Golden Rule
“Treat others the way you want to be treated”; “Do unto others as you would have them do unto you.”; etc.
First of all, I have never “done unto others” a single thing, that’s not how I operate. Anyone who speaks like that deserves a swirlie and a wedgie.
Second of all, while people around the world will use some version of this quote on a picture attributed to their political or religious leader of choice, the truth is a version of this sentiment had cropped up in damn near ever civilization from here to the beginning of recorded history.
Why might that be? Well, its Golden for a reason, this is the most common sense thing anyone with a mostly functioning sense of morality can muster. Physics is not the only discipline in which forces are reactive, generally if you hurt someone, they hurt you back; conversely, if you love and cherish someone… you’ll probably get ghosted honestly, but it’s worth a shot, right?
Whatever way you chose to word this particular sentiment, it should be pretty self-evident that you can’t go around acting one way and expect others to react to you in a completely different manner. That, as Einstein never said, would be insane.
Wrap-Up:
While I am not one to blame social media for all of the world’s ailments, I also believe that verification of fact is a practice that has gone out the window. With attention spans at an all-time low and the speed with which information can be shared at an all time high, we have a recipe for disaster.
I am also not saying misattributed quotes is the greatest of evils, but it would do us well to remember that just because someone put something in quotes next to someone’s picture doesn’t mean that is a valid source of truth. Like I said before, context matters, and it is often the first component that is lost today when information spreads around like wildfire.
So get out there and try to say something poignant this weekend. For one day you too could get your quote plastered next to a celebrity’s face with no credit at all. And after all, isn’t that the dream?
Friday - July 5th, 2024
Top 5 Vestigial Behaviors
Introduction:
Evolution may not be a perfect system, but it’s the best we got. The general agreement is when random things change, the ones that make us best suited for our environment get passed down to more offspring, then we rinse and repeat. On the flip side, anything that is no longer serving a function gets slowly whittled down over time before disappearing… usually.
Occasionally things are not useful to our survival as a species anymore, but it is not detrimental to have so it sorts just sticks around. Physical examples of this are wisdom teeth, our tail bones, and appendices. Generally, we are able to keep these things unless they begin causing issues in which case we get them removed before they do any more damage.
Along our evolutionary journey as a species however, we have also retained a few psychological behaviors that seem to be ingrained in our psyche even though we don’t quite know what their use is anymore. These range from mildly interesting to terrifying, and while there is not a complete consensus that these are all borne from evolutionary necessity, they are just provoking enough to make the list.
Deal with it.
5. Goose bumps
We all know what it’s like to be cold or be getting tickled when one side of your body suddenly has the consistency of sand dunes. Goose bumps are an odd reaction to certain stimuli that don’t really serve a purpose in our everyday life. That is to say, we don’t glean any useful survival information by seeing or feeling goose bumps.
However, just because something is not useful anymore doesn’t mean that it never was. In the case of goosebumps, the theory surrounding their persistence in our evolution is that it used to serve to make our ancestors appear bigger than they were. If you have ever seen a dog raise its hackles when it’s afraid, we clearly get the “stay the hell away” message.
Back when our ancestors hadn’t yet been introduced to Gillette and Venus, them getting goose bumps would raise their hair in a similar way and signal to others or a potential predator that they were anticipating a threat.
Now they just serve to tell your tormenter that they found where you’re ticklish. Thanks evolution.
4. Palmer Grasp Reflex
When was the last time you say a baby doing some pull ups? Babies are able to grasp objects strong enough to support their entire bodyweight for short periods of time. And while I don’t condone ever holding a baby up by just it’s hand, it is impressive to note that they are capable of doing so if needed.
Seeing as we don’t often test our babies for survival instincts like birds pushing their offspring out of the nest, there is no real need for humans to have this reflex.
The Palmer Grasp Reflex is a lingering evolutionary trait the likely stems from our common ancestor with primates. If you’ve ever had a baby hold your finger and thought “wow that’s way stronger than I would expect” you’re absolutely correct. While this is no necessarily useful anymore, it is fairly impressive.
3. Fear of Snakes
Spooky, scary, slitherin’.
Some fears are learned or the result of a traumatic experience, and some seem like common sense such as heights, darkness, and drowning—fear of those are just survival instincts. But why is it that we have a seemingly innate sense of fear surrounding certain animals and not others?
While I admit to not being the best at understanding horses’ emotions, I don’t stop dead in my tracks every time I see one.
For some reason, humans have an innate aversion to certain other species and principally among them are snakes. Something about the all-spine-and-skin little danger noodles activates the fear center in our brains in a way that can only really be attributed to a lingering evolutionary survival trait.
Whatever the reason, it seems to be pretty universal that snakes make humans uneasy. With that being said, I am infinitely more scare of people who like snakes and have them as pets than I am of the snakes themselves.
2. Call of the Void
If you’ve ever been looking down from a precarious ledge or been standing a little too close to the edge of the train tracks and had a sort of “what if?” thought, you’re not crazy and you’re not alone.
Many people have reported having an almost dreamlike state of imagining themselves going over the edge during situations where their safety is not guaranteed. This phenomenon is so common it even got a name—the Call of the Void.
While it seems terrifying, it is important to note that these are not suicidal tendencies and happen for many people. The true cause is mostly unknown, but some have ventured to explain this instinct concluding that it is the result of a mistaken signaling in our brain. When we get to close to an edge and our survival instinct kicks into gear telling us to get away from the ledge, it is possible that it gets misinterpreted in our mind and the quick flood of warning against the outcome we don’t want puts the images in our brain.
Either way, our evolutionary instincts to survive are having some unintended consequences.
1. Uncanny Valley
If you’ve ever watched a video of one of those prosthetic-faced AI robots speak and it sent shivers up your spine, there is a good reason for this. Evolution has created visual associations with physical features and our level of comfort with what we are seeing.
For example, if we see another human, we are very comfortable knowing that is a human, If we see another mammal with four appendages and similar facial features, like a dog, we are comfortable with that. If we see something less similar to us (snakes, crazy underwater centipedes, etc.) our unease grows. Generally, the more similar, the more comfort, pretty straightforward.
The Uncanny Valley is the range on this graph where the physical similarities to us humans are close, very close, but not quite there. This is why scary movies with humanoid demons, ghosts, clowns, or zombies, all spark our unease—these things look just enough like us, but there is something wrong about them, usually something we can’t quite place.
While this isn’t too creepy in and of itself, the basis for this has been studied and concluded to be evolutionary in nature. This means that it was important to our survival as a species to be able to discern true human features from those that are human-like but not quite the same.
What The Friday? - Contagious Yawning
There are some things that we do that we don’t really understand. In addition to the ones listed above, some more common ones are hiccupping and yawning. While these have been shown to be lingering evolutionary traits, the functions they serve are not entirely understood.
In the case of yawning, there is another portion that makes it even weirder and that’s the fact that they are contagious. Why do we respond to other people yawning by yawning ourselves? Why do we yawn when we think about or read the work yawn too much? (You’re welcome by the way).
The working theory is that at one time in our evolution, yawning was a form of communication much in the way goose bumps were once helpful but are now just something we do by reaction and don’t think much of.
Whatever the reason, it is an interesting thing that I for one am glad is our only contagious mannerism.
(Bonus point: yawning has been shown to be contagious across species as well with humans and dogs reacting to each other’s yawns. Truly (hu)man’s best friend.)
Wrap Up:
Like I said, evolution is not perfect, but it is truly fascinating. It is a trip to think back to a time when these vestiges served our ancestors and then how these important systems and reactions became obsolete over time.
The whole system is mind-boggling and awe inspiring.
If you disagree on the basis of being an evolution denier, (I don’t know why you’re still reading honestly) feel free to write in and help explain why all these things exist, I would love to know.
Friday - June 28th, 2024
Top 5 Antiquated Forms of Communication
Introduction:
Of all the things that we owe our success and survival as a species, communication is one of the most critically important. Communication is the reason we are able to enact diplomacy rather than simply giving in to our instincts and fear of anything other.
If you have any doubts about how important communication is for survival, go get lost in the forest or the jungle and try to talk the bears and snakes down from eating you, I doubt it will be a very fruitful endeavor.
This isn’t to say that humans are perfect with communication. Even in a day and age where we have enough technology to understand everything everyone says in any language ever conceived, we still have miscommunications in our own languages often with people in our own homes. (It’s really a testament about how amazing humans are at complicating things unnecessarily).
Still, from the evolution of speech nearly 100,000 years ago to the invention of calling and texting within the last 100, humans have had many iterations of communication throughout time. Today we are inundated with possibilities and arguable more disconnected ever at the personal level.
Perhaps one solution would be returning to some of these now extinct (or at least seldom used) forms of communication.
5. Petroglyphs
If you have ever taken an art history course and had a teacher ask you what message the artist is trying to convey, you know how frustrating this can be. Art forms are highly subjective and open to interpretation. Without another form of explanation from the author / artist, many things are left to be deciphered by the viewer.
After nearly 20,000 years of cave paintings, our ancestors evolved to using petroglyphs to convey ideas. These exist somewhere in the middle of pictures and symbols for representing ideas, but are still not as clear-cut as a set series of letters assigned to sounds.
However, I think the fact that speaking in our native tongue can lead to interpretation (e.g. “Where do you want to eat” sort of arguments), this form of communication may not be far off from what we do already and it would be a lot more creative and fun in the process. I for one think returning to communicating occasionally through petroglyphs would be a solid idea.
4. Heliographs
The beacons have been lit! Gondor calls for aid!
Nerdy jokes aside, signaling across large distances used to be a tried and true method for conveying information. Light was reflected and flashed in patterns (usually Morse code) to signal some kind of message across large spans of land.
Even without Morse code, there were occasionally a pre-determined message that people would understand just by the signal. Think Bat Signal or “one if by land, two if by sea.” It’s a pretty effective way to let people know what’s going on.
I would love it if my friends and I lit beacons when we were ready to hang out. No long text exchanges, no calls back and forth. Simple, elegant, perfect.
3. Drumming
Moving to the beat is not only fun to do, but it is also a widely used historical form of communication. Much like heliographs, there were certain beats / patterns that would signify various things. With roots in Africa and South America, drumming has historically been a very effective form of communication.
Imagine if every day you woke up and instead of checking in with the weatherman the drum outside told you exactly what you could expect.
Or imagine having a pre-determined pattern to signal to your friends or significant other that you’re over being out and would like to leave without being rude. These sort of nonverbal communication systems are very effective because they have a predetermined meaning and are not open to much interpretation. Clear and simple.
2. Carrier Pigeon
Pigeons are basically useless, and humans have made them that way. We basically domesticated an entire species then decided we don’t need them anymore and now they just hang around and beg for bread.
It’s time to get back to work. I get that most people (myself included) associate pigeons with dirt and disease, but really that’s because we only see the city slicking side of them, and we don’t see their potential anymore.
I for one think it’s high time we get back to employing pigeons to carry messages to our friends. Send them at work, send them on your lunch break, send them across state lines, really get crazy with it. Make Pigeons Great Again 2024.
1. Crier
Usually when someone is screaming in the street they are subsequently ignored, shunned, and avoided. Doubly so when they’re screaming about some conspiracy or news story. This is because we don’t view these people as credible sources of information (I hope).
However, in times not that long ago, this was exactly how people gathered their news. Criers would come to a central town square where people would gather and listen to them rattle on about the happenings of the world around them.
Today with more cable news, podcasts, and unhinged social media posts than we know what to do with, we are able to access our information (credible or not) any time anywhere. While I wont be discussing the merit of this system or its impact on our attention spans, I will argue that having to gather in a central location to hear someone scream about election cycles and foreign policy would be entertaining.
I for one think we should do away with traditional news media and get people to get back into town squares crying about the news on a weekly basis. I don’t want a measured team of suits behind a desk reading a prompter, I want a WWE promotor shouting their lungs out to the ooh’s and ahh’s of an enraptured crowd.
What the Friday? – 55/38/7
If you have ever wondered what it is that makes communicating so frustrating, you’re not alone. Communication is commonly cited as one of the biggest issues in relationships—miscommunication, lack of communication, implied meaning, etc.
We all learn to speak at a young age and while our vocabulary increases throughout our life, we are not usually finding wholly new ways to convey our ideas without some kind of practice. So what’s the issue? Why is it so difficult to decide on a place to eat dinner?
Albert Mehrabian, a body language researcher, set out to break down this issue and find out what was really going on. Through various studies, Mehrabian came to the conclusion that communication (face-to-face at least) consists of 3 principal parts nonverbal, vocal (tone), and words. Basically, how you’re presenting yourself, how you’re conveying the words, and the words themselves.
Based on his studies he concluded that these 3 categories break down in the following percentages for how important they are in overall message conveyance:
Nonverbal – 55%
Vocal – 38%
Words – 7%
7%! That’s all your words mean in the overall delivery of what you say at any given time. That’s abysmal. If people only understood 7% of your work, you’d be fired tomorrow. Thankfully, we have evolved to (mostly) be able to figure out nonverbal and tonal cues when speaking to one another.
Unfortunately, this is what makes texting such a poor form of communication. Phone calls are better but you’re still missing about half of what can be ascertained from the other person.
It really isn’t what you say, it’s how you say it.
Wrap-Up:
I cannot emphasize enough how happy it would make me to hear tapping on my window in the middle of the night only to find a message taped to a pigeon’s leg sent from a friend. Bonus points if the message was entirely inconsequential.
If I saw any famous news anchor screaming the days latest in Times Square I would pull up a chair, grab a drink and some popcorn and I would not leave. Just because we have certain methods of communication in place these days does not mean they are the best.
I believe we can do better. So go get creative with how you convey things. After all, you’re only getting about 7% of it across conventionally.
Friday - June 21st, 2024
Top 5 Irrational Phobias
Introduction:
Irrational fears are just that: irrational. Our brains are wild electrical-driven meat balls and there is not always a rhyme or reason to why they make us react the way we do. There are a few things left over from evolutionary progression that are built in to keep us alive in dangerous situations, that little sixth sense that raises the hair on our necks when something is off. With modern day comforts the need for this is farther and fewer between, but without it, our ancestors never would have made it out of the caves and formed civilizations.
Some things make sense: fear of predators, aversion to risky scenarios, the uncanny valley. But other fears and phobias aren’t as rational, it’s not as easy to see how our brains have convinced us they’re evolutionarily necessary. The most common phobias are things like public speaking, death, heights, spiders, clowns, snakes, things that fill us with adrenaline and stimulate the amygdala.
There are some truly irrational fears that some people have ranging from bizarre to debilitating. Today we look at the weirdest and also wonder at who the hell is naming all these uber-specific situations.
5. Trypophobia – Fear of small, closely-packed holes
Trypophobia is the fear of small, closely packed holes. Sounds specific, but you probably have this. If you think you don’t, look up images of close up honeycomb or garlic or lotus seeds. There is something lingering in our brains that was never phased out properly in evolution.
I don’t know how much it serves us in this day and age, but it makes my skin crawl wondering at what advantage it served our ancestors.
This one is not uncommon, but it is weird enough to make the list.
5/10 uncomfortable but not debilitating.
4. Vestiphobia – Fear of Clothes
I get it, summer is hot, the water is calling, and feeling clothing stick to your skin is anything but comfortable. I even get nudists, I mean it’s weird for sure, but I get it, clothes aren’t for everyone.
However, there is a big difference between no loving clothes all the time and having a legitimate fear of clothing. I couldn’t imagine approaching getting dressed in the morning the way some people would handle approaching a lion in the wild.
Seeing a shirt and feeling like you’re about to die is probably not the most productive evolutionary trait, and if you have it I feel sorry for you, but it’s also pretty objectively hilarious. I’m not sure what a good workaround for this would be other than immersion therapy and persistence.
Either way, this one is pretty bizarre.
2/10 would not want.
3. Optophobia – Eyes Wide Shut
Many people who are blind navigate daily life well enough, whether blind at birth or through other causes, it is not impossible to go through life without sight.
Still, there are very few people who if asked would be likely to willingly be blind. For humans that have their sight, about 80% of our perception of the world is processed visually. That makes it a big change if and when we are no longer able to rely on it for stimuli.
So this all begs the question of why anyone would selectively choose to go without their sight. And the answer for this unfortunate group of people is that they are utterly terrified of opening their eyes. I don’t know if it’s more about the overstimulation that comes from seeing or the physical act of not having their eyelids touching but either way, this is bizarre and evolutionarily a terrible adaptation.
0/10, do not want.
2. Phobophobia – Fear of Fear
FDR was right, there is nothing to fear but fear itself. You always have to get meta with a list like this, there has to be a new tier that encompasses all the rest.
Phobophobia is a bit of a paradox in the way that if you get afraid you then get afraid by that fear and so on until, I assume, you collapse and die.
I really don’t know how you go about life with something like this other than to just learn to be always happy and content and never put yourself in any adverse scenarios. Other than that, it sounds like it is beyond debilitating.
-10/10, no thank you.
1. Panphobia – One Phobia to Rule Them All
Someone always has to one up other people. Phobias are no different. People that suffer from panphobia are afraid of… everything. I imagine they are born screaming like the rest of us but then they simply never stop. Each of the phobias we have covered today are odd in and of themselves, and while there are some that are even more rational, they can be very disruptive to daily life.
Pile them all together and I really don’t know how existence is even possible. I can’t imagine the immense stress that people who suffer from panphobia are under. Many people have a looming sense of stress about something, but to have a persistent, lingering fear that there is some evil thing lurking around every corner sounds horrible.
-100/10 I will respectfully pass.
What The Friday? – Hippopotomonstrosesquippedaliophobia - Fear of Long Words
If there was an award for biggest ass in history… well there’s a long list. Like, a really long list. But whoever named this phobia is on there somewhere. I don’t know how many people suffer from this or really how difficult it is to manage, but the absolute commitment to the bit here is to be commended.
I imagine someone who has this trying to explain it to someone else and just being paralyzed by the sheer number of vowels that are required to create this behemoth of a word.
While this is not one of the more serious phobias, the effort made to mess with this select group is quite evil. 10/10 love the effort.
Wrap-Up:
I hope there is nothing irrational that plagues you this weekend. And if there is, I hope you are able to work through it. I hear immersion therapy is in this time of year.
In all seriousness, phobias are difficult to navigate, and irrational thoughts are not easily overcome, after all, most people know they’re irrational but that doesn’t make them any more manageable.
If you know someone suffering from a phobia, maybe try to be sensitive to that. Or create new ways to mess with them. Who am I to tell you how to live?
Friday - June 14th, 2024
Top 5 Antagonists that Aren’t Villains
Introduction:
One of the biggest challenges when looking at narratives is separating antagonists from villains. After all, we all found ourselves rooting for Walter White at one time or another, but he is anything but a good person. This will not be an article idolizing villains and saying that they all have a point, if you have a friend that does that… maybe spend less time with them. (Patrick Bateman is not a role model. Ever.)
Still, there are numerous antagonists from popular stories that kinda… sorta… had a point. There is injustice in the world (real and fictional) and the means of dealing with this is not always a clear path forward.
Today we look at some of the best points that have been made by antagonists as I paint them—if not as heroes—at least as morally complex characters with shades of grey in between.
5. Gaston
No one is as positively misunderstood as Gaston.
If there is one archetype for obnoxious, boisterous personalities, it’s Gaston. The antagonist from the Beauty and the Beast is often one of the most hated characters. And while I’m not going to say that he’s misunderstood, (he’s fairly one dimensional) he is not really a bad guy for wanting to protect his town and his people.
If you were told that there was a monster in the woods and the only reliable source was someone the entire town knew to be a few sandwiches shy of a picnic… can you really blame the reaction?
Annoying? Yes. Villain. Not really.
4. Summer (500 Days of Summer)
Unrequited love is a powerful antagonist in narratives—especially when there marketed as rom coms. This movie had romantic moments and was certainly funny, but we as the viewers are pitted against Summer as she puts our protagonist, Tom, through the emotional wringer over 500 days.
While the movie feels like a gut punch at times as we struggle to find something to hold onto much like Tom, it is used to perfection and we are pitted against someone who is clear with their intentions and have a hard time navigating their feelings. Don’t we all?
In the end, it’s tough to not root for a protagonist as the stories we read and watch are all framed from their perspective (much like real life). Still, it is difficult to paint Summer as a villain just because she was a little lost.
3. Ava (Ex Machina)
As we get into the reality of AI being both a part of our daily lives and a very serious test of what is real (Turing, anyone?) it will be harder to discern what makes humans human. Does having wants and desires for freedom and new experiences and ability to perform complex thought make us worth of sympathy? Dogs have about half of that and they are the most sympathetic creatures we know
In Ex Machina, we are shown to be weary of Ava the Artificial Intelligence robot that is being tested throughout the movie. (Spoiler Alert). Her drive for freedom makes her a central antagonist to the narrative but really she is being confined because the humans are afraid of what she is capable of. So what is the issue? We have a sympathetic being (synthetic not organic) who wants to experience a life outside of captivity, is that really so bad?
This one really gets the wheels turning as it feels just a little to close to home.
2. Gollum
If you were tortured by a seductive magical object for centuries then suddenly lost it after forming an unhealthy reliance on it… you’d be a little crazy too. While Gollum is a greedy, covetous creature that most of us are disgusted by, it is easy to see how he is more of a victim than a villain.
He does pose a threat to the narrative of Frodo and Sam destroying the Ring, but he also is wrestling with his own demons (literally) along the way. While I remember being grossed out and annoyed by Gollum when I was first introduced to Lord of the Rings, it is easy to forget that he is a victim too.
Not that I advocate for walking a mile in the shoes of antagonists, but a little empathy goes a long way.
1. Severus Snape
If there was a poster child for misunderstood misanthropes, it’s Severus Snape (RIP Alan Rickman).
To have a character that for so long seems so one dimensionally motivated by a decades-old grudge, then watch his slow heel turn deeper into the darkness, only to finally find out that he has been motivated by love and love alone is a masterpiece in characterization. (and unrequited love at that—brutal).
While it comes as a major plot twist that is executed perfectly, it is also a beautiful depiction of someone doing the wrong things (seemingly) for so long but for all the right reasons. Absolute masterclass.
What The Friday? – Villain
The word villain actually derives from a word that was closer to farm hand. (If you’re ever uncertain how the low-born are viewed, here you go). Back in the 1300’s knights were seen as glamorous and chivalrous while people who worked farmland were… not.
Suffice it to say, villainy isn’t inherently evil, it is just a matter of perspective.
Also, next time someone is making you out to be the villain, just remember, you’re not evil, you’re just poor.
Wrap Up:
It gets confusing when you try to sympathize with characters that are presented as roadblocks to the stories and characters we admire. It is difficult to appreciate the grey in the middle when calling things black and white is so much easier. The biggest challenge is realizing that everyone we know, every character we meet in fiction, all our friends and neighbors, all have complex personalities and motivations. No one is one hundred percent good or evil all the time.
With that I invite you to go out into the weekend and see everyone for their multitudes and appreciate every part of them that is similar to you and enjoy the places where you differ.
Friday - June 7th, 2024
Top 5 Most Important Modern Debates
Introduction:
Reasonable discourse is a foundational pillar of humanity’s ability to grow and evolve. Throughout history there have been widely-held views that have sparked great debate and launched a myriad of new discoveries. Think back to a time (not all that long ago) that people were being literally sentenced to death for saying that the Earth was more likely than not moving around the sun.
Today we are all aware of the heliocentric nature of our solar system (unless you’re a flat-earther in which case the “reasonable” portion is thrown out the window and it becomes something else entirely: Disorderly discourse perhaps).
Still, there are some debates that are enigmatic and ongoing. In science today there are debates over the merit of alternative energy sources, the effects A.I. will have on society, and (more unfortunately) the validity of vaccines.
In every debate there is the populous view, that held by the majority, and the contrarian view, held by those who are wrong. Today we look at some of the greatest debates of our time while I offer up my (populous) view.
(Reminder: You are allowed to disagree, just remember that you’re wrong).
5. Are Pop-Tarts Ravioli?
The easiest way to settle this would be to pull up the “proper” definition of ravioli and go from there, but as we all know, debating with pure facts is boring. So instead I will fight pasta with opinion.
Everyone can picture a ravioli in their mind: there’s a pasta shell with stuff inside. Usually this stuff is meat and cheese and vegetables meaning a Pop-Tart would be quite far from being a ravioli. But If you’ll allow me to expand your mind for a moment, I would ask you this:
If you had sun-dried tomato inside a ravioli, and a tomato is a fruit, then how far off really is a Pop-Tart?
We have a solid, carbohydrate shell that protects the mess in the middle.
Answer: Resounding (and delicious) yes.
4. Is Cereal a Soup?
Yet again we can whip out a definition and make this boring, but much like the law, definitions are open to interpretation. (Right?) Well here we have the easy argument against that soups are generally hot, but I hear this argument and raise you one gazpacho.
Additionally, soups generally have a base of meat or vegetables, not grains, but I think there are enough barley soups that make cereal a quick lateral from there.
Finally, we have the argument that soups generally have some kind of stock or puree, but I would then ask you what you think milk is if not a nutrient-dense liquid. Pair this with the rolled grains that commonly make up cereals and you arrive here:
Answer: Yes, Cereal is a cold, breakfast soup.
3. Do Straws Have 1 Hole or 2?
Now we’re really getting into it and we have to all dig deep and put our thinking caps on. I will admit I have heard both sides of this argument and have seen merit in both, however, when you start to pick them apart, you arrive at a resounding truth.
There are many ways to think about this. If you hold a cylinder up, you can see straight through it, pretty simple stuff. If you have a hole in your clothing, or your wall (because your favorite sports team lost again and you never learned how to regulate emotions), you should be able to see right through it. One hole, one way to see through it.
The argument becomes more difficult when you scale this up. For example, if you dig a hole in the ground, tunnel under a bit and come out at another spot, you have made one tunnel, but standing there looking down at it you can see two holes in the ground. But if it’s two, where does one stop and the other begin?
It’s the same argument as if you dug a hole straight through the Earth—one hole or two? Here is where we do have to incorporate definitions a bit, and my argument is this: One hole, two openings. There are two sides in each of these examples, but there is only one continuous, connected hole through a straw or the Earth.
Answer: One, no matter the length.
2. Is Water Wet?
Alright, fine, I’m going to be using definitions again, sue me. Something is defined as wet when it is saturated by molecules of water (or any other liquid). But if you use this definition, there needs to be something that is being saturated. Some third party in this equation. Water cannot reflexively saturate itself. Right?
Wrong.
At a molecular level, you would be seeing molecules that make up the fiber of your shirt or towel or whatever it may be, surrounded by hundreds of water molecules. Those things go wherever they want, surrounding and enveloping the other molecules.
But take that fiber or whatever it is away, and you still have each individual molecule of water surrounded by a ton of other molecules of water. Each individual molecule of H2O hydrated by others while simultaneously hydrating all those around it.
I mean really, what’s the alternative argument: Water is dry? (Be serious).
Answer: Resounding and reflexive yes.
1. Is a Hot Dog a Sandwich?
Oh man… here we go. This is up there with the great debates like are we living in a simulation? Or Where did the universe come from? The answer is amorphous and ambiguous. And daunting.
But allow me to boldly venture where even Joey Chestnut wouldn’t dare.
Think of a sandwich. Any sandwich, got it? Good. How many sides are covered by bread? (If any of you are thinking of a lettuce wrap, please see yourself out. And if you said 4, you’ve gone too far and need to revisit above re: ravioli). There are two options, 2 or 3. If you’re having a PB&J or a cold cut sandwich at home you’re likely team 2, whereas if you said 3 you’re a sub kinda person, no shame in it.
Now picture a hot dog. Picturing it? Good. How many sides have bread? That’s right zero because Simon didn’t say add a bun to your mental image, we need to work on your listening skills. But in all seriousness, there is one correct answer and that’s 3. You have one open face like a lobster roll or an Italian cold cut combo.
You may hate it, you may want to shy away from the truth, but it’s right there in front of you. It always has been. The answer to everything in the universe is 42 and:
Answer: Yes, hot dogs are sub sandwiches.
(Alternatively accepted caveat is that it is akin to a taco with it’s one open side, but they are closer to distant cousins than actual relatives).
What the Friday? - Pineapple on Pizza
Things got a little heated there for a minute.
Let’s all cool off a little. And what better way to do that than with some tropical fruit. Do you like pina coladas? How about getting caught in the rain? Well If so, you’re in luck because people have actually found a way to combine the best-known tropical fruit with a fan favorite.
Look, I get it, putting fruit on savory items is a weird premise, but you have to admit that there are exceptions. Tomatoes are fruits and they sure as hell don’t go in a fruit salad. Fruits operate on a case-by-case basis and people need to accept that.
If you’ve ever had grilled pineapple on a burger or on a kebab of some kind, you know the versatility that it brings to the savory food game.
While this does come down to personal preference, 60 years of existence can’t be chalked up to a fluke. (FYI, Hawaiian Pizza was invented in 1962 in Canada by a Greek immigrant, so if you have an issue with anything have an issue with that cluster).
Answer: Yes. Resistance of pineapple on pizza is simply childish.
Wrap-Up:
I understand much of this may be controversial. I think some people may have great difficulty accepting these truths, but denial is the first step. I promise you; acceptance is coming.
In all seriousness, if you’re ever caught in a lull in a conversation or group setting, these are some of the greatest debates to whip out. They are not really controversial, they’re not likely to ruin Thanksgiving dinner, and they can tell you a lot about how willing someone is to stick to their guns and die on their hill. (Side note, maybe we would have less combative opinions if we didn’t equate them all to war-time metaphors? Food for thought).
Now, get out there and debate. Just remember to remind whoever you’re interacting with that they’re either with you, or they’re wrong.
Friday - May 31th, 2024
Top 5 Worst Parts of Summer
Introduction:
Spring has sprung, fall has fell, its summer now and… there’s actually a ton of things about most people’s second favorite season that are not that enjoyable. It’s easy to get excited when the temperature starts climbing, the spring showers are finally letting up enough for you to actually go out and enjoy the flowers, and everyone starts making travel plans. But there are a lot of things that get overlooked as we head into the warmer months.
As someone who doesn’t deal well with heat or bugs or the fact that adults don’t get summer vacation, I have quite a few things that spring to mind when I think of Summer and not all of them are good.
5. Heat
This is pretty self-explanatory, but Summer get really damn hot. If I can be around water in a state that doesn’t see humidity and/or in the triple digits, then I can relax a bit. But with seemingly record-breaking heat waves coming through with each passing year both in Europe, Southeast Asia, and the Americas, there has been more than enough temperature to go around.
I have seen videos of people baking cookies on their car dashboards, frying eggs on the sidewalk, and even worse, peoples’ ice cream melts way too fast to enjoy. When people say they like “warmer weather” they don’t mean summer, ever. No one is walking around on a nice day in mid-May thinking “I wish it was about 20 degrees hotter right now.
Whether you’re in the dead heat of the dessert in Arizona (but it’s a dry heat) or the humid swamps of the south, everyone is uncomfortable. To make matters worse, the only salvation is cool air that blasts on overdrive and freezes every bead of sweat on your body with each new store you enter.
All in all, there are very few effective solutions to stave off the heat for months on end.
4. Outfits
Layers look good. They give you more variety and opportunity to accent and coordinate and do any number of other fashion-y things that I know fairly little about. In summer time you have very limited options on outfits cause you’re actively trying to wear the least amount of fabric possible.
Also, you’re going to sweat. No matter what you wear, and really the only color that hides sweat well is black, but you can’t wear black cause the suns out and you’re going to melt.
Then, with so few options you have to worry about how many other people are going to be wearing something eerily similar to you once you walk out the door. (Hint: it’s going to be a lot).
I’m not fashionista, I didn’t learn that I committed fashion sins like wearing black and navy blue together until I was about 22, but you can’t deny that no matter what you wear in summer, you’re going to be a little uncomfortable.
3. Logistics
Everyone is traveling for the summer. Every year it gets a little bit worse as some influencer finds another “hidden gem” that they blast to the world and cause tourism to boom to unmanageable levels. Santorini and Amalfi are nearly impossible to enjoy unless you love being swarmed by thousands of other people who all wish they were alone in paradise as well.
On top of that, if you haven’t planned something with your friends at least 6 months out, they’re all booked up. Everyone has plans from Memorial to Labor day and every Independence Day in between. So good luck finding a free weekend to do something spontaneous.
Everyone is buzzing around like bees starved of sunlight as they try to soak as much escapism as they can before the looming darkness of the colder months.
2. Sunburns
Why is it so hard to do the things we know are good for us? When the sun is out and the UV is high, the idea of reapplying sunscreen every 30-60 minutes is like the idea of flossing every night: you know you should but you just can’t be bothered.
Actions meet consequences.
Now you look like a lobster while you eat lobster and fear taking a shower because anything over 70 degrees now feels like its melting your skin clean off. And don’t even get me started on rolling around in the middle of the night only to wake from the sting from the one spot on your back that your friend swore they got.
To cap it all off, once the pain is finally gone, the shame sets in as your body does its best impression of a snake and your skin starts shedding and everyone you talk to can’t help but point it out.
All I’m saying is that doesn’t happen in the dead of winter.
1. Mosquitos
I cannot say enough bad things about the world’s deadliest animal. (Deadliest to humans, because when you’re as good at killing other animals as humans are, you only evaluate other animals by their danger to you. Gotta stay on top of the food chain somehow).
To channel my inner Kendrick Lamar, I am mosquitos’ biggest hater. I have read a million and one tips and tricks to ward off the itchy vampire bugs, but nothing ever helps. I don’t know if it’s cause my blood is sweet, or I eat too many bananas, or just cause the universe has a twisted sense of humor, but no matter how many layers I pile on top of myself there is never enough protection from Creation’s biggest abomination. (And yes, I know platypuses exist).
There is no amount of bug spray that will ever be able to fully ease my fears that one of these little devils is humming around me while the fire roars.
Also, besides my petty claims, mosquitos are seriously dangerous carriers of malaria and responsible for millions of human deaths as hosts to this disease.
The immense satisfaction I feel when I finally smack one of these leeches while it bites my ankle again is immeasurable.
What The Friday? – Fighting the Good Fight
It’s rare that good news comes out of Florida. There could be encyclopedias written about the craziness that occurs in the swampy southern beach state. They would have you believe that their state is all about oranges and ocean, but they are lying.
Their state is about insanity, plain and simple.
They even have their own brand of news stories. And while we know any story starting with “Florida Man…” is about to be one of the funniest things ever written, it is truly astounding that the state is not constantly on fire. Maybe that’s just the humidity.
Thankfully, there is some good news that occasionally matriculates up from the American South. A UK-based company, Oxitec, developed a way to genetically modify mosquitos so that the females (the ones that bite) are infertile saving the world from another swarm of these evil offspring. They released these genetically modified mosquitos in Florida in an effort to quell rising populations.
If I were an investor, I could not give them all my money fast enough. Let’s hope their work proves fruitful and we can continue the fight against the world’s greatest pests.
Wrap-Up:
With all that cynicism, I should say that I love the Summer. It’s great when the world comes out of hiding and people are genuinely smiling out in the sun.
I just think it’s way better with fewer people, more water, and less triple-digit weather events.
But hey, we have a few weeks left of spring and I hope you enjoy them before you’re reminded that as a kid you would be dancing in the streets in excitement at this time of year because you had 3 months off of school.
Maybe if you write your boss a really well-worded email they’ll be understanding…
Friday - May 24th, 2024
Top 5 Accidental Medical Advancements
Introduction:
Accidents happen each and every day and many of them are pretty inconsequential. You forget to pick up eggs at the store, you stub your toe on the corner of the couch, you forget your roommates birthday, and all-in-all, life goes on. Occasionally though, the stars align, the clouds part, and angels sing as you make a mistake so incredible the world stops and takes a collective breath. When that happens you can only hope that it is for the best.
There have been a number of products created by accident throughout history, but some of the most fascinating have led to astonishing medical advancements (or in pursuit of). Today we will be looking at a number of amazing happy accidents that have led to great scientific advancements.
5. Warfarin
In 1933 farmer Ed Carlson was facing a serious problem: all of his cows were dying. In a panic, he found a research lab that would test samples of the cow’s milk, and the hay on his property. The results told him that the hay was giving his cows sweet clover disease which is way less fun than it sounds.
The disease was making it so the cows’ blood could not clot, but thankfully he had found himself in the exact right place, in the lab of Karl Link, a professor at the University of Wisconsin. Sadly, there was not a happy ending for the cows, but using the samples that Carlson had brought, Link and his team were able to engineer a substance that mimicked the anti-clotting effects of sweet clover disease. (Just without the death part).
This random stroke of chance where a farmer with a problem showed up to a lab that was well equipped to use his samples to develop a medicine that would pave the way for a class of blood thinners is nothing shy of a miracle. One farmer’s tragedy is the entire populations treasure I suppose.
4. Coca-Cola
Sort of a reverse medical miracle here, but in the pursuit of creating a pain reliever from coca and cola wine, Dr. John Pemberton found himself in possession of a sweet syrup that served as a pain killer.
By chance, one of Pemberton’s lab assistants mixed the syrup with carbonated water and when alcohol was outlawed in Georgia in 1885, the newly carbonated drink was an instant success. While still being pushed as medicine and a “brain tonic,” Coca-Cola would start to compete with ginger ale and root beer and the rest, as they say, is history.
3. Smallpox Vaccine
In the 1790’s Edward Jenner made a startling realization that milkmaids that had contracted cowpox were not catching smallpox. Curious, he began a series of discoveries that would lead to the first smallpox vaccination.
Before all the controversy surrounding modern medicine, before the implants and the 5G and the conspiracies, vaccines were well regarded as the medical miracles they are. Jenner worked to find the link between cowpox recovery and its seeming immunity to smallpox.
After much research, Jenner found a healthy 8 year old boy as a test subject (because laws were real loose back then) and inoculated him with material from cowpox lesions… lovely. After a full recovery was made, they introduced the same boy to smallpox, again… loose laws, and they watched and waited until it was safe to assume that the boy had not contracted smallpox and the road to a vaccine was born.
2. Pacemaker (Implantable)
While looking for a way to record heartbeats, Wilson Greatbatch would stumble on a discovery that would change healthcare forever. In constructing his machine, he used the wrong resistor that caused it to pulse rhythmically at regular intervals. With his mind already on the heart, he couldn’t help but think that the rhythm was oddly similar to a heartbeat.
5 years of tireless research later, we had an FDA approved implantable pacemaker that was able to keep people’s hearts in rhythm and afford them freedom that was not possible with previous, larger versions of pacemakers.
A little luck and a lot on ingenuity led to one of the most important inventions of the 20th century.
1. Penicillin
Like all of us, scientists occasionally forget to throw out their old food (or experiments). In 1928, Alexander Flemming returned from a vacation unaware that he was about to change the world. While looking through his petri dishes where he was culturing bacteria, he found a spot of mold on one.
However, before he could throw it away, he realized that the mold was all that he was seeing. The bacteria was notably absent around the formation of mold, and Flemming reasoned correctly that in the game of life, mold beats bacteria.
After ten years of no one in the scientific community really caring about his discovery of penicillin, a team of researchers uncovered his work and took an interest in it. Three painstaking years later they were able to purify a bit of the substance. Still, production was difficult and it wasn’t until its use in treatment of injured soldiers did it get enough funding to be produced in mass.
Today, antibiotics are a massive market and we are on the verge of over-prescribing them and that is why we can’t have nice things.
What The Friday? – Something’s Up
Typically in new drug development, unintended side effects are not a good thing. The massive list of uncomfortable conditions you might experience that they run through at the end of drug commercials read off by someone who would make an auctioneer tongue-tied is not a good thing.
However, every once in a while, there is a side effect that is harmless, unintentional, and far more marketable than the original envisioned use.
Such was the case in the development of Viagra. The intention was to relax blood vessels, increasing vascular function and decreasing blood pressure. But when all that blood began to flow, it ended up in some unexpected places. Realizing the untapped market of oral ED treatment, the use of Viagra was changed, and in 1998, the FDA gave the thumbs up to help men keep it up.
Talk about failing upward.
Wrap-Up:
The biggest takeaway today is that no one truly knows what they’re doing. Even some of the brightest minds in history have been surprised by realizing that while they were on the right path, they didn’t know exactly where that would lead. So go out there and make mistakes, you never know when one of them could change the course of medical treatment forever.
Friday - May 17th, 2024
Top 5 Companies That Do More Than You Thought
Introduction:
Well, it took 20 weeks, but we finally sold out and went corporate.
That’s right, today we’re looking into companies. All of them. And we’re going to be digging up dirt in this staying-from-the-norm hit piece on evil corporations. Kidding, kind of.
But last week did get me interested in what companies across the world have side hustles that we either don’t know about or don’t associate with the name brand. After all, Guinness and Michelin are well known names and it still took me an embarrassing number of years to piece together that they had side gigs in the record-keeping and food-recommendation games.
That led me down a rabbit hole of digging into what other companies have strayed from their core mission, for better or for worse. This week we look into some of those companies and I will be rating them based on how much sense they make, because why not? And no this will not be a list of conglomerates that have so much money they just start throwing it at side projects because they’re bored (though some of those are pretty entertaining too).
5. Where Do You Want To Eat?
Starting where this idea began with the company that specializes in sturdy rubber tires and marshmallow men. Back in the early 1900’s, there were few cars out on the road and the tire manufacturer put together a series of guides for their customers (few as they were) that included basic travel information like repair shops and hotels and whatnot for when people were out driving.
Later, as the guides expanded to new countries, restaurants were included on this list and over years of evolution, this list became a covetous achievement for restaurants. Standards were set and the star system was born, prompting a generation of people born a hundred years too early to Instagram their meal to begin seeking the best bites of food on their journies.
I’m going to say that while today the connection doesn’t click right away without some digging, the origins for this make perfect sense much like the Guinness book of World Records. So Michelin gets 3 Stars on the how-much-sense-does-this-make scale. (Would have been a 10/10, but I wanted to stay true to their roots.
4. Something Fishy
This one is far less sensical, far more confusing, and seemingly more nefarious than any moderately successful automaker has any right to be. When you think Mitsubishi you probably think “those cars you sometimes still see on the road.” But really what you should be thinking is tuna.
Beautiful, blue-fin tuna.
For some reason or another, this Japanese automaker has slowly started dipping their hands into the depths of various oceans in hopes of snatching up some of the most popular fish in the world. Over-fishing is a problem affecting many species across many regions of the world and stories like this leave me scratching my head. Mitsubishi apparently handles (buys) nearly 50% of the tuna that is imported into Japan each year, and this is not just a play to corner the resale market, but they have also created vast networks of freezer storage for this tuna. They have repeatedly denied that this is in case the blue-fin tuna ever goes extinct so they can upcharge all the desperate bidders, but I find that hard to believe when their motivation for getting into the fishing business is nothing shy of… well, fishy.
2 fins way down on this one. (0/10, nonsensical and oddly ominous).
3. Ladies And Gentlemen, Start Your… Pianos?
It’s an age-old question: which came first? The pianos or the motorcycles? Thankfully, we finally have an answer—it’s the pianos.
After WWII, many companies who had been converted to wartime manufacturers were left with a lot of leftover parts that were bulky and difficult to resell. In a stroke of innovations and probably a little bit of “what the hell else are we going to do with all these scraps?” Yamaha used the spare parts to build their first motorcycle. The rest, as they say, is history, and while today the instrument and auto makers are technically separate, they are still under the umbrella of the same parent company. Estranged siblings separated by a common parent.
70/88 keys here (or 4/5 gears), while they are not closely related, at least they stayed true to their roots of making noisy instruments with a lot of random parts.
2. Take These Wings And Fly Away
What started as a unique marketing approach to support their slogan has morphed into a legitimate sports ownership franchise. Slowly but surely, the company that makes juice that is a few ingredients shy of being illegal and makes you feel like your heart is a separate entity has become one of the go-to promoters, owners, and sponsors of extreme sport athletes and events.
They are in all kinds of sports that attract people who are a little crazy to start, I mean seriously how do you get into base jumping in the first place? On top of that, they sponsor athletes in F1, snowboarding, surfing, BMX, and a multitude of other things that are honestly way cooler than I’ll ever be.
Most notably in recent years, Red Bull sponsored an Austrian skydiver, Felix Baumgartner to jump from 24 miles above the earth’s surface, go through free fall that capped out at 844 mph (breaking the sound barrier at Mach 1.5) and made it back to the surface in one piece.
3/2 toros for this one—liquid insanity meets athletic insanity, it’s a match made in heaven. (or at least the stratosphere).
1. Vacuum Sealed
Have you ever heard news of a company acquiring another or doing something crazy like getting an NBA stadium named after them and thought, “How in the hell does Arby’s have enough money to buy Subway?” (I mean seriously, who eats at Arby’s?)
Ahh the beauty of enigmatic private equity.
Well I thought something similar when the Denver Nuggets started getting good and I was wondering how the mason jar people got a stadium named after them. I know those things sell like hotcakes in the south and have since learned that they do a lot of aluminum packaging as well, but still.
Well, it turns out that Ball did what all good food-container based companies do when they get too big for their britches—they got into aerospace technology.
As so many companies did during the World Wars, Ball was incentivized (just a gentle nudge from the government) to convert operations to support the war efforts. Countless companies were from nations all around the world, so in this way they are not particularly special, but the jump from food storage to space storage is one small leap for Ball and one giant leap for companies around the world.
10/10 cans on this one. Really, it’s the only sensible move, you’re specializing in keeping important things sealed tight, what better place to try your hand than in the looming vacuum of space where one crack in the seal spells certain death for the astronauts.
What the Friday? – 11 Companies to Rule Them All
I said I wasn’t going to talk about major conglomerates, but I lied. While these are much less fun than successful companies have a one-off side hustle, they are far more astounding. Despite our country’s efforts to crack down on monopolies, there is a major loophole in the form of major companies owning lots of smaller companies, it’s just monopolies with extra steps.
Nearly everything you grab off a shelf at any grocery store can be traced back to one of these 11 companies: Coca-Cola, Unilever, Pepsico, Kellogg’s, Mars, General Mills, Mondelez, Johnson & Johnson, KraftHeinz, Nestle, and P&G. I really mean just about everything. It’s insane how much choice we may feel we have with varying name brands at the supermarket, when in reality we’re really only funding 1/11 companies.
Ironically, that’s the score I’m giving these endeavors. 1/11. No fun stories about how they came to have their hand in a bit of everything, no originality.
Wrap-Up:
If you’re ever daunted by pursuing your passion project just remember that it can be wildly outside the box from what you are used to. So you work in finance and want to start a small crocheting business? Go for it! You’re a lab tech who wants to pursue bare-knuckle boxing? Why not!
Whatever you think you’re “supposed” to do, these companies remind us that you can get wildly off base from where you thought you were going and somehow, some way, everything works out just fine in the end.
So get out there and get exploring, you never know where you’ll end up.
Friday - May 10th, 2024
Top 5 World Records
Introduction:
Technically speaking, everything novel that anyone has ever done is a World Record of some kind. Arguably there is a line where “World Records” turn simply into “new things specific people have done.” For example, the fastest human to ever run 200 meters? Impressive. The man named Greg who drank the most beers on a Tuesday in July? Maybe not. While both of these are records that exist, one is far more impressive. (Though maybe only because the various Greg’s of the world were unaware this was an attainable goal. I’m here to tell Greg’s everywhere, this record could be yours. Push yourself, strive for the infinite and chase the sweet taste of success).
Anyway, my point is, there are some records that are worthy of admiration, there are those deserving of awe, and some reserved only for incredulity (and maybe a little pity). While I am impressed that someone can ride a unicycle over 100 miles, or ride a unicycle at all for that matter, I don’t know how aspirational that is as a goal. I am not here to record-shame or belittle some seriously eye-raising accomplishments that some people have made, but there must be a distinction made for truly impressive feats of the human condition. Today we will look at a number of these—the top 5 to be specific.
While sports World Records are impressive, for the sake of this list I will be excluding them.
5. Just Breathe
Holding your breath for long periods of time, in addition to being potentially dangerous is not a very useful everyday skill. Unless you are a diver or you live near livestock, there are very few instances where, as an adult, you will have to hold your breath for any extended time. With that said, the ability to hold your breath suggests a host of other impressive physiological traits. The bodies of aerobic athletes utilize increased lung capacity and oxygen transfer efficiency to ensure their muscles and brains remain functional over a long period of time. And while a lot of this comes from physical training, there is a large mental component to this in the form of ensuring your body does not panic when it feels the anaerobic prickle in your muscles which in turn spikes your heart rate and taxes your muscles further as you head into fight-or-flight.
It is a delicate balance to strike and the World Record for underwater breath holding is held by Budimir Sobat at 24 minutes and 37 seconds. That’s like listening to ‘American Pie’ three times over without taking a single breath.
Just in case you need a bar to measure that against, the average adult can hold their breath for about 3-5 minutes. (And yes, I think all World Records, athletic and otherwise, should be done next to “average” humans for comparison. Looking at you, IOC… #Paris2024).
4. ‘Merica
Nothing says “Independence” like watching people gorge themselves on water-logged hot dogs and gallons of lemonade in the hot July sun. If that’s not a national pastime, I don’t know what is.
I won’t go too far into the merit of what we idolize in this country, I will say that Joey Chestnut is a national treasure. Be disgusted, be perplexed, whatever you need to be, but at the end of the day (the day being July 4th) you will be impressed.
Over the course of 10 minutes on July 4th, 2018, Joey Chestnut ate 76 hot dogs, that’s bun and dog for an estimated 24,000 Calories. That’s 7.6 hot dogs each minute which comes out to eating one hot dog every 7.9 seconds. There are so many angles to take here from the sheer number of hot dogs consumed, to the blazing TPHD (time per hot dog), to the disturbing enigma that is his training regimen. Seriously, how do you even conceive starting something like this?
I am in fear, awe, and a little disgust of this record, but it is an incredible feat of humanity. By far, however, the most impressive part of this is that Joey Chestnut is only 230 pounds.
Stomach churned, next record.
3. Hold It
Everyone who has ever done a plank knows the incredible temporal phenomenon that occurs when you assume the position. I don’t have the exact numbers, but I believe it’s something like dog years where each plank minute is equal to roughly 7 actual minutes. By the end, your shoulders are screaming, you’re shaking like a leaf, and you’re wondering if having washboard abs is really worth it.
Well here’s a record that is sure to make you feel sympathy pains: the longest consecutive plank ever held was 9 hours 38 minutes and 47 seconds by Josef Salek. Josef went through a journey of weight loss and lifestyle overhaul, but while other people who do this get into green smoothies and half marathons, Josef went a different route. Training his mind and body he pushed himself beyond the limit and set about to break this insane record.
I don’t know which would hurt the stomach more, this or 76 hot dogs, but I suppose there’s only one way to find out…
2. Just Keep Playing
Part of the inspiration for this list came during a recent trip to Dublin where not only was I reminded that a beer company held a monopoly on World Record keeping, but I also visited the famous Temple Bar where an insane feat was posted on the walls. The World Record for longest guitar-playing marathon was set right in that very bar back in 2011 by David Browne.
For nearly 5 days straight (114 hours), Browne played guitar at the bar. Audience or not, he knew what all great musical artists know: the show must go on.
Now, when I first heard this, I assumed that this simply meant he had to be awake, upright, and strumming the guitar however he wanted. However, there were strict rules set in place around the way his record would be recognizable. First, all songs he played had to be recognizable and published (none of that indie crap) and had to last at least 2 minutes (no comment). Next, he was allowed some breaks, but these were limited to 30 seconds between songs and a full 40 minutes every 8 hours. While that may sound like a pretty big gap in “consecutive” playing, Browne had only 40 minutes 3 times a day to eat, drink, sleep, shower, and contemplate his life choices, that’s not much.
Still, he pressed on, and by nearly the end of the 5th day, Browne was the proud holder of an insane World Record set in the city that made record keeping famous in the first place. I’m sure it was a beautiful full circle moment.
1. I Heard You Like Records…
Finally, we have to get a little meta for this last record. While doing one thing better than everyone else in the world is impressive, there is one record to end all records. One Record to rule them all. And this feat of Renaissance man proportions is held by Ashrita Furman.
Furman is not just the best at one thing, he is statistically the best at being the best. Yes, he holds the World Record for most World Records broken by a single human.
Hailing from the great borough of Brooklyn, New York, Furman had a fascination with the Guinness book of World Records early in his life and at the age of 25 set off on an incredible journey. In 1979, Furman broke his first World Record by doing 27,000 jumping jacks (and his P.E. teacher from elementary school cried tears of pride… probably).
Since then, Furman has broken over 600 World Records and still holds about 200 of those. Now, to get numbers like these, you may be thinking, “Well, are these impressive? Or are they just things no one else would think to do?”
I’m here to tell you: Yes.
Furman has set records like longest time standing on a Swiss ball. Impressive. While at Stonehenge. Okay, now he’s just showing off.
He has done the most sit ups at the Eiffel Tower in an hour, he has hopped the farthest along the Great Wall of China on a kangaroo ball, and he had set records on all 7 continents.
Unique. Impressive. Inspiring.
Hats off to Ashrita Furman and his crazy journey through this life. A true record-setting king.
What the Friday? – Guinness
Why does that toucan-faced, Irish beer company have a monopoly on tracking records anyway? Legend has it that there was a time in history when people couldn’t answer every question they had about any random piece of knowledge at just any time ever by pulling their phones out of their pockets and bullying Siri into dispensing the worlds knowledge at will. Yes, I’m talking about the Stone Age.
Back in the 1950’s, the managing director of Guinness brewery in Dublin, Sir Hugh Beaver was trying to settle an argument with his bar friends about the fastest game bird in Europe. When, frustratingly, they couldn’t find the answer in any books on birds, they set out to make sure no one would ever know their same frustration again and the Guinness Book of World Records was born.
When you trace the roots back to the source, it finally makes more sense, kind of like, “why does that tire company with the uncanny valley mascot always tell me where to eat?”
Join us again next time on this edition of business mysteries.
Wrap-Up:
Today I set a World Record for best article written about top 5 non-sport World Records by a man in New York on a Friday—I am just waiting to hear back from Guinness…
I think the biggest takeaway from today is that while not every unique thing ever accomplished is World Record worthy, it is still worthy. All of these records were born out of a passion to push the mind and body past what anyone thought possible (and this is even ignoring all the sports records).
So get out there and do something new this weekend, do the longest handstand that anyone has ever done in Central Park on a Sunday, walk the most miles anyone has ever walked in two left shoes. Do whatever your heart desires, just don’t be boring.
You never know, a hidden passion could be waiting behind every crazy idea.
Friday - May 3rd, 2024
Top 5 Mind-Blowing Facts
Introduction:
We’ve all experienced brain freeze—you take one too many sips of your slushy on a hot day and suddenly you’re short circuiting in public trying to do your best imitation of a dragon to get it to stop. How embarrassing.
Sometimes, our brains short circuit a little. They are met with too much stimulus at once or stretched a little too far while doing what it does best—thinking. The human brain has led to all great innovations, fire, the internet, the theory of general relativity, and TikTok. Truly remarkable stuff. But sometimes, even when it is explained to us, things can feel wrong. Some facts mess with our perception of space, time, and how things ought to be. When we think of how massive Earth is to us but its relatively small size in our solar system, and our systems relatively small size in the Milky Way, and on and on… Our brains start to hurt because we have no perception, no comparison for what that actually means. We can’t really understand the size of an atom any more than we can a galaxy. We can’t visualize the speed of light until we scale it up to ridiculously long units of distance.
Today I am going to attempt to break your brain.
But don’t worry, it’s all in the name of science.
5. Dino Time
I love The Land Before Time as much as the next person. Adorable animated dinosaurs? Absolutely, 10/10. However, there are certain historical accuracies that should be mentioned. (In no world do I expect a kids’ show to be accurate, just doing my best to ruin fun with science.)
The actual timeline of dinosaurs roaming the Earth is staggering, ranging from roughly 250 million years ago right after the Permian Extinction to about 65 million years ago when the great dinosaur extinction occurred (Cretaceous-tertiary Extinction for those wondering).
In that nearly 200-million-year span, the reptilian overlords of their day went through some changes. The natural turn of evolution went on and churned out a number of different species across this span of time. For one example, the stegosaurus never co-existed with T. rex. In fact, they were separated by 80 million years.
This brings us to our fun fact that humans are closer to having lived with the T. rex than the T. rex were to ever living with a stegosaurus. That means in another 50 million years, it would be more historically accurate to have humans and T. rex running around together in a children’s show than to have various species of dinosaurs running around together. (Talk about longevity!)
4. Theseus’s Human
You are not really you. Or better yet, you are not who you were, and you’re not who you’re going to be, you are you. Right now. But you’re not the other yous.
Got it? Good.
The Ship of Theseus is a paradox that can be applied to our bodies and our sense of self in an interesting way. Theseus’s (way too many ess’s by the way) Ship causes us to ask the question of when does something change? The ship continually lost portions of its body, having them replaced piece-wise until every part of the ship was changed from the original. This sort of work is like if Dr. Frankenstein started with a single human and replaced them piece-by-piece, morbid I know, but at what point are these things such a bastardization of the original that they are no longer themselves?
While you think on that, let me remind you of the fact that every seven years or so, all the cells in your body have gone through so many cycles of change that they are not the same as they were. But, much like the Ship of Theseus, this happens sequentially, and more importantly, our “pieces” are being replaced by others that are so alike we don’t notice. Our face is still the same, our voice, our memories are all our own. But are we really the same?
Is this change all biological? Is our person growth in some way related to this change? Or do our efforts to change ourselves over time work their way deeper to our cellular level?
Why am I giving you an existential crisis? It’s not even noon.
3. Around the World in 80 (or more) Veins
There’s a lot going on inside your body. Aside from being constantly reconfigured, you have 78 major organs, 206 bones, and around 6 liters of blood. Our bodies are as enigmatic as they are wonderous. So many of our internal systems operate at such a microscopic scale that it can be easy to forget that we are a collection of roughly 30-40 trillion cells all operating in concert to keep this ship sail smoothly.
Arguably our most important system is the vascular system. The blood pumping through every part of our body delivers and regulates nutrients, oxygen, and important cells needed to fight infection. This massive internal super-highway is a highly trafficked, extremely complex system that works with such efficiency its dizzying.
If you were to (hypothetically, do not try at home) take all the blood vessels, capillaries, arteries, and veins out of a human and line them up end to end, how far do you think it would stretch? A couple hundred feet? Maybe a little more? While we’re guessing, what do you think the circumference of the Earth is at the equator?
One of these numbers is 25,000 miles, the other is around 100,000 miles, want to guess which is which?
That’s right, your vascular system has enough length to wrap around the Earth at the equator nearly four times. Gruesome, yes. But also, just mind-bogglingly amazing? Absolutely.
2. Brain-Time-Interconnectedness
The interplay between our conscious mind and perception of time are more closely linked than we realize. Across a list of various explanations, there is basically nothing I have found that makes this any more digestible.
From the identity side, it is theorized that without a sense of time (owing to clocks or the race of the sun across the sky each day) humans are liable to lose their sense of self. This is part of why sensory deprivation, solitary confinement, and stretched in perpetually dark places can cause various manner of hysteria.
From the time side, we experience events in our life in a lingerer manner and thus are able to file things away in distinct chapters. Without this sense of chronology, there is still a uni-directional flow of events unfolding, but it sort of boils down to a tree in the woods question. If time is unfolding but no one is around to experience it, has time really passed?
Thankfully, there are ways we can change our perception of time. One of these ways is novel experiences. I talked a few weeks ago about how our brains are really good at consolidating things into routine. Well, the more routine your life, the faster it will seem to pass you by because you brain does not file each day in the office away under distinct sections. So the more new things you do, the longer life feels.
Another way to affect your perception of time is language. Depending on (typically) which direction you are used to reading in your native language, you typically think of time as flowing in this direction. This is what makes the movie Arrival so thought provoking—can we really change our perception of time through language?
1. 52!
This will forever be my favorite fun fact.
Go grab a deck of cards. Shuffle it. Shuffle it again. Once more for good measure. How many times do you think that specific sequence has appeared in all the world across all the decks every shuffled? (Ignoring the factory-ordered sequence). A few times maybe?
Probably not. Other than by luck, the chance that a specific sequence of a deck of cards has ever been duplicated is… slim at best.
In fact, there are more unique was to shuffle a deck of cards than there are atoms that make up the entire Earth.
Read that again. Take a minute with it. Let your brain come back from the brink of madness and lets look at everyone’s favorite thing—math.
The unique possibilities in ways to order a deck of cards is 52! No, that 52 is not just excited, it’s a factorial. That is to say 52 x 51 x 50… all the way down to … 3 x 2 x 1. This gets us 8.07 x 10^67. Seems large, but once you get into scientific notation, everything seems pretty large, so what? Earth is pretty big, hell, the USA only covers about 2% of the earth’s surface and it’s already massive.
So the Earth is big and atoms are small. Well if you were to guess how many atoms make up the entirety of our Earth, what would you guess? Would you guess it would be more than 8.07 x 10^67? You would be wrong. Wrong by a lot in fact. (Don’t worry, I was too, you’re not alone). The real answer is about 1.3 x 10^50. The orders of magnitude difference between those two numbers is incomprehensible so I’ll just say this. If every person on earth was shuffling cards in new ways from the time they were born to the time they died, we still wouldn’t have scratched the surface of all the unique ways you can order a deck of cards.
Use that argument the next time someone asks “Who shuffled this?” at your next poker night.
What The Friday? – Relativity
No amount of YouTube videos or “explain to me like I’m 5” posts will ever help me understand the theory of relativity, general or special. I understand the basics: there is an interplay between gravity, the speed of light, and the way we perceive time. If you were confused while watching Interstellar, I’m not going to be much help here, but the gist is, the closer you are to a center of gravity, the faster you experience time. Astronauts in space, away from the density of the Earth’s core age slightly more slowly than all of us who are more terrestrially-inclined.
With dense enough gravity, you could theoretically “time travel” relative to another place that has far less gravity impacting it.
Did I butcher a lot of that? Probably. Can you explain it any better? I doubt it.
Wrap-Up:
Well, I’m exhausted. I feel like I had a whole week of school and an existential crisis all packed into one infinitely dense ball. (Which according to Einstein would cause time to be at a standstill). Nope, still don’t get it.
Anyway, I hope you use your weekend to pick up the Humpty-Dumpty like pieces of your brain, I know I sure will be.
Friday - April 26th, 2024
Top 5 Forbidden Pets
Introduction:
There is a beauty in tragedy. It’s why we still force high schoolers to read Shakespeare, why we enjoy the sad tones of Fado music, and why we can’t help but watch other peoples doomed relationships on national tv. Sometimes, even when you know something is going to end terribly, there is a joy in the experience—a sweetness to impermanence.
So what sweet disaster are we looking into today?
Forbidden pets.
I’m not talking about claiming your dog is an “emotional support animal” because your landlord said no pets on the lease; I’m talking about the animals that we all know and love that we see and think “I can care for you” knowing full well it would be a dumpster fire for animal and human alike. It’s not that these animals are impossible to care for or that they wouldn’t make great companions, but any normal person would not be able to maintain a sufficient level of care for any of these animals.
Without further ado, let’s look into the top five animals I want to have as pets, but due to the nature of the world (and my tiny apartment) I simply cannot.
5. Racoon
If you live in the suburbs, you may have a difficult relationship with racoons. All of a sudden, it’s trash day and your garbage can has been raided by the little trash pandas and its littering your side yard—not ideal.
While I understand these little gremlins are not the most well-behaved neighbors, they are undeniably cute. From the built-in burglar mask to the way they wash their food in water before they eat, racoons are amazing little animals.
I’m not sure how practical it would be to have one or more of them as a pet, but I am more than willing to try.
4. Otter
Ideally a sea otter, and even more ideally a pair so they can hold hands. But I would settle for some river otters if I needed to.
Speaking of undeniably cute, otters have a swath of mannerisms that are adorable: they have favorite rocks, they hold hands, they fidget with anything they’re given, and they slip and slide around land and water like nobody’s business.
I have no idea how the domestication process would happen; I don’t work at SeaWorld, I don’t live near the ocean, and I have no skills in domesticating wild animals, but I believe that I could get it done, and after all, that’s half the battle.
3. Elephant
Elephants were a top choice of mine even before I learned that they look at humans similarly to how humans look at dogs—it lights up the same “cuteness” portion of their brains. And if you’ve ever watched videos of elephants interacting with their handlers at a zoo, you’ll know this is true.
Apart from being some of the most docile animals that humans can interact with (in the right setting), elephants are incredible animals in their own right. They are wildly intelligent, they maintain a strong community as they live and grow, and they are the second-best mammals at long-distance swimming able to cover around 30 miles a day in the water if needed. (second only to humans because, you know, endurance is kind of our thing… some of us at least).
I have no promises that I could give an elephant (or family of them) a better life than they would live out in the wild, but I do know that they would be well loved while they run wild in my imaginary backyard.
2. Red Fox
The fox says this would be a great idea.
I know some people do actually have foxes as pets, or at least have worked out some sort of mutual agreement to share their land, but I don’t think this is an easy feat.
Personally, I would be up the creek without a paddle trying to navigate the ins and outs of having a fox as a pet. They are mischievous, they are sneaky, and they laugh at a way that would make me feel self-conscious constantly, but damn all that, they’re adorable. The way the squint and draw their face back when they’re happy makes them seem like a dog enough for me to believe I could have them as a pet.
I think the hardest part would be that I would want to join their elaborate series of tunnels and knowing that my shoulders are just too broad to join in on the fun.
1. Giraffe
Nothing would be quite like waking up on the second or third floor and rolling over to be face-to-face with a giraffe. It would take some getting used to, but it’s an adjustment I’m willing to make.
There is no sensible reason or plan to achieve this, but I want to believe in my heart that I could provide them with a suitable life. With enough trees, enough space to roam, and some TLC, I think having a giraffe would be endlessly entertaining. After all, people own horses for fun and giraffes are just horses that are more dinosaur than anything.
Until I can make this a reality, I’ll have to settle for the Giraffe hotel in Kenya. But a man can dream…
What The Friday? – Exotic Pet Market
The wildlife trade is estimated to total nearly $30-40 billion annually through both legal and illegal channels. Most of us watched Tiger King during COVID and we understand how insane the illegal side of that can be, but there are some crazy pet choices on the legal side too. After all, there are people that own snakes and spiders for fun.
Also on the list of insane pets that some people have are reindeer, lemurs, capybaras, alligators, big cats of all kind, and even wolves.
While some of these sound fun as an idea, they all seem like far worse ideas than the ones I proposed, but hey, to each their own, I suppose.
(I’m sure PETA disagrees, but that’s an argument for another day).
Wrap-Up:
As much fun as it may be, I can’t condone you going out and finding a way to get a foot in the door of the exotic pet market this weekend. It sounds fun on paper… real fun. But like I said up top, most of these ideas are sure to end in tragedy, for you, for the animal, and for whatever meager space you can find for them.
Animals in the wild are meant to stay wild and the best thing we can do is increase wildlife conservation efforts.
So everyone get out there and channel your inner Steve Irwin this weekend, because Crickey! It’s going to be a good one.
Friday - April 19th, 2024
Top 5 Common Misconceptions
Introduction:
We have all heard something presented as fact and confidently repeated it for others only to later find out we were wrong. (Or for some of us, double down and never admit fault). But it is amazing to me how many common misconceptions there are in the world. So many things we learned as children in school were either gross overgeneralizations or just flat-out wrong. But our teachers and parents insisted they were right anyway.
Some of this is due to continually evolving information. For example, the food pyramid that was in every cafeteria across the country at one point is now outdated and has been updated to the MyPlate model by the FDA. Studies that are popularized are always being reviewed and critiqued for validity. You may think that one glass of red wine each night is “healthy” for you, but really it’s still worse than sobriety. (But still better than the whole bottle, so take your wins where you can get them).
Today we look at five extremely common misconceptions and the truth behind them, some of which I admit I was entirely ignorant to until very recently. (Today, it was today).
5. Napoleon Complex
The French do many things well, fries, toast, revolutions… One thing they don’t do well is measure people in sensible ways. One of history’s favorite short kings was really and truly only a medium king. The reports of Napoleon being 5’ 2” was a measurement in French feet which we all know to be a bit smaller than English feet. Naturally.
5’ 2” is short king status no matter how many legendary battles you win for your country. Only, in reality, Napoleon was closer to 5’ 7” based on modern measurements, and what’s more, the average male height in France at the time was 5’ 5”. So really, the real people with a Napoleon complex are those that are slightly above average.
Here is where I petition to add a new complex for those that are severely under average height and name it the DeVito complex.
4. Columbus and the Americas
Where to even start with this one? The deeper I dove into this, the more this whole perception we have around Columbus “discovering” North America is just… wrong.
Let’s start at the beginning—intention. Columbus was not a pioneer fighting ceaselessly against the tide of flat-earthers setting out to prove the world was round. Nor was he intentionally trying to discover the “New World.” He just wanted a more direct route to India for trade. Whether he knew the spherical nature of our planet would assist in this endeavor is unknown, but the motives we were taught in school are false.
That brings us to step two—discovery. While we celebrate Columbus Day here in the United States and claim he was the first one to discover our continent, neither of these are true. Columbus never set foot in North America. He did, however set foot in the Caribbean, Central, and South America on various trips across the Atlantic. Even if he had set foot in North America, he would have been about five centuries too late as it is now believed that Leif Erikson discovered North America around 1000 C.E.
All this coupled with the fact that there were already people living on this continent make all these narratives about discovery just… bizarre.
3. You Only Use 10% of Your Brain
Brains fire in waves and various parts are stimulated by different tasks. However, all of our brain is experiencing some kind of activity at all times and it is a great orchestra of electricity that motivates us to think and move.
Conversely, our brain uses a large amount of our body’s energy throughout the day to process and react to sensory input. It is quite literally a full time job and doesn’t stop even when we sleep. This is a portion of why I believe this misconception has stuck around so long—our brains are very good at “resting” the portions that are not being immediately used to support whatever task is at hand.
While this is a fun myth and imagining the “possibilities” if we could improve this is nice, its just not useful information to be repeating to others.
2. Pressure (And Coal) Makes Diamonds
Sort of…
Diamonds and coal are both forms of solid carbon ordered into neat structures. The difference is the neatness of those structures. Coal is found closer to or on the surface of the earth and it generally does not have the same neat lattice of carbon atoms that are associated with diamonds.
Diamonds do form at high pressure and temperature, but this process happens much further down in the Earth’s crust. And these beautiful stones that we associate with romantic gifts and gestures (or inhumane labor, take your pick) are not subject to many of the other impurities that exist closer to the surface that can be found in coal.
So no, placing what Santa gave you last year under high heat and pressure will not yield you the ring of your dreams, but he is watching for this year already and a stunt like that is likely to land you on the “naughty” list again.
1. Einstein Failed Math
By 15 Einstein was espousing the merits of various differential calculus proofs backward and forward. When I was 15, I was crying over my math homework nearly every night.
But that’s fine, I’m not built for theoretical physics.
This is an odd rumor/myth that I have heard for so long in my life and the basis for this and all his other supposed developmental disabilities in early life seem to be nothing more than poor research and biographical reporting.
Upon closer examination, the world’s greatest mind seemed to be only ever that—a genius incarnate. This is not to say he was not without his flaws, socially, he did seem to struggle with people who were not discussing topics he found interesting (like theoretical physics) and he also married his cousin. (Actually, she was his cousin2: their mothers were sisters and their fathers were first cousins, making him and his wife both first and second cousins making their family tree more of a tangle of family roots). But hey, when you warp everyone’s perception of reality forever, you are allowed some oddities I suppose.
What The Friday? – Hibernation
This one may be on me for just not asking better follow-up questions as a child, but I really thought that animals that hibernated went to sleep under a snowbank in December and came out in March with really empty stomachs and really full bladders.
Thankfully, I’m not alone and have found out that debunking this myth is very in lately. The fact is, bears don’t necessarily hibernate in the same way as other mammals. Whereas some smaller animals may decrease their metabolic function and heart rate to about 10% of normal levels, bears stay relatively aware during their state of prolonged torpor. This allows them to consume stored fats for energy but still defend their den as needed. I’m not sure where the disconnect was on the education for this one, but I am willing to take some of the blame.
Side note, if you need a good laugh, look up photos of bears without their fur. Hilarious and a little terrifying.
Wrap-up:
So why do we do this? Why do we stick to these false stories that we know to be false? Why is the truth so much less exciting than the story we have cultivated?
In a word: Anarchy. Humans can’t get enough of it, and teachers won’t stop until all our children’s’ brains are full of lies.
Wait, that’s not right, I meant to say that I don’t know. (But that’s less fun). I think that a major part of it is to give an underdog tone to some of our favorite pieces of history or to ourselves. If the world’s smartest scientist failed math, you can do anything. If you only use 10% of your mental capacity at a time, imagine how much you could accomplish by getting to 20%. (No clue what that would look like but moving on).
Partially, I think a lot of it stems from how ingrained some of these stories are. Using objective truth to root out falsehoods has proven time and time again to be a bit like trying to chop a tree with a butter knife. The truth isn’t always fun, it’s not always sexy, but it is important. Today’s examples may be of less consequence than some others, but its important that we continue to audit what we believe and why.
So do some mental gardening this weekend. Pull out those weeds that no longer serve you and plant some new seeds where the old believes no longer bear useful fruit.
Metaphor done, rant over. Have a good weekend.
Friday - April 12th, 2024
Top 5 Most Nonsensical English Phrases
Introduction:
Language is an odd thing. On a long enough timeline, it can warp and branch into various dialects and accents with each new generation subtly shifting the meaning of various words and phrases. After all, until 1987, “bad” just meant bad. Then, along comes Michael Jackson and now a whole generation was left to wonder, “Is bad good now?”
My point is, it’s chaotic, it’s confusing, and most of all, it’s fluid. I understand about as much new slang as I do Shakespeare’s ye olde English, but at the core we’re all technically speaking the same language. After some cycles of being annoyed by new language, starting to use terms like “that’s fire” unironically, and then finally admitting they are part of your vernacular now, words and phrases take on new, accepted meanings. After all, I have no idea if bees actually have knees, but I know that if they do, I’m flattered to be associated with them.
Today we look at a few phrases that make no sense when you distill them down to their constituent words, but that we all have accepted as being more coherent than the sum of their parts. (Along with some suggestions for what we could use in their stead).
5. You Can’t Have Your Cake And Eat It Too
I literally do this all the time. One of the greatest joys in my adult life has been the discovery that at any given time, I have absolutely no oversight on my decision to go out, get cake, and eat it.
This phrase has come to mean loosely ‘you can’t have it all.’ You usually hear it when complaining to a friend that your date was tall and rich but dull as a doornail (phrase-ception coming in hot). But the real truth is quite simply… sometimes you can have your cake and eat it too; some people have it all and then some, some people own then whole damn bakery.
I don’t need everything in life, but if I have some cake, and especially if its “my” cake, I’m going to eat it end of story.
Replacement phrase suggestion: “You can’t order the whole menu.”
(You can I suppose, but it’s a lot and it’s ill advised)
4. Thick As Thieves
I think being “thick” in either the physical or mental sense is a recipe for disaster if you’re in the world of thieving. In my mind, that is a profession that requires a slim figure and a sharp mind. The origin of this phrase came back when some cities were rife with gangs who would all hang out together in tightly packed or thick quarters. However, this also seems like a bad way to carry out sneaky crimes.
I can think of so many other things that are closer and generally more practically so.
Replacement phrase suggestion: “Close as Clams.”
(Those things are packed close and nearly impossible to crack open, you’re welcome)
3. Butter Up
This is another example of the phrase making no sense to me. If someone covered me in butter, I would be livid. It’s slippery, it’s gross, and it’s the third time this week… please stop.
There are very few substances that I can imagine being fun to be covered in, cinnamon sugar? Maybe? I’m not sure how anyone ever said this out loud and thought “oh yeah, that’s a good thing to be. All buttered up.”
Replacement phrase suggestion: “Build me up, Buttercup.”
(Just don’t let me down…)
2. Bob’s Your Uncle
He most certainly is not. Great-uncle maybe.
This is one I have heard before and not even context could help me decipher what this was supposed to mean or how it came about. How does stating someone’s relation to you take us to something meaning “you’re all set.”
Imagine someone giving you directions and they say, “You just take the highway down 50 miles or so then boom, Bob’s your uncle.” You would wonder what the hell is going to happen over those 50 miles, and what sort of odd highway adoption service would give you an uncle when you reach your destination.
This one could be replaced by literally anything and it would make more sense. I’ll keep it simple.
Replacement phrase suggestion: “You’re flying.”
(You’re set, you’re cruising, you’re moving… Not a single Bob in sight)
1. The Cat’s Pajamas
Just like knees on bees, I’m not sure these are really a thing, and if so, I am not sure why they are a good thing. It’s a cute visual, I get it, but if someone told me I was “the cat’s pajamas,” I would be pretty lost. How do you respond to that? “You’re the dog’s sweater?”
I’m not sure where this one came from, and if I know anything about cats, they would absolutely hate to be put in pajamas. So really this is like saying, “You’re severely disliked.”
If we’re going to be nonsensical, we might as well make it something that’s at least tolerated by the animal.
Replacement phrase suggestion: “You’re the Dog’s Collar.”
What The Friday? – Best Thing Since Sliced Bread
I get it, taking the tedious step out of slicing bread is great, but pre-sliced loaves have been available since 1928. We’re letting an invention of moderate convenience dominate the phrase game for 96 years and running? Talk about a dynasty performance.
I mean, just think about all the inventions we’ve had since then. Internet, cell phones, smart refrigerators, air fryers, and AI assistants in our pockets and we’re still giving the edge to sliced bread? Unreal.
I like to imagine that there is a chain of inventions going back in time that you can use to trace human history. “The best thing since permanent settlements,” “The best thing since fire,” “The best thing since aqueducts,” etc. Actually, sliced bread was invented after Betty White was born so until this phrase came out, I assume people used to say, “This sliced bread is the best thing since Betty White.”
Wrap-Up:
Really if there is any lesson here, it’s this: All you have to do to make nonsense go viral is be convincing enough. After all, my friends and I have now all been convinced that “dirt” is an adjective and an extremely positive one at that. Also, if random people on the internet can be influential enough to create entirely new slang, I think we’re all more than capable.
So get out there and start making things up, you never know what people will be saying in a hundred years.
Friday - April 5th, 2024
Top 5 Things That Will Not Lead to Success and Happiness
Introduction:
We live in a time where everyone has the “secret” or “key” to success, and they just can’t wait to share it with you. From online “success guru’s” to motivational speakers, to your uncle who tells you to listen to his advice despite not being employed for the past 40 years… everyone has an opinion. But while we are inundated with the slush of anecdotes and advice, our brains are stimulated beyond belief as we try to parse out how do we actually achieve success.
There is no silver bullet, and some people actually might make it as influencers and multi-level marketers and by working sixteen side hustles. But by and large, the amount of stress all this messaging is placing on the average person is far more detrimental than any of the lessons or advice they espouse.
So today we look at all the things to avoid, or at least take with several grains of salt as we get bombarded by “hustle culture” each and every day.
5. Side Hustles
In and of themselves, side hustles are not inherently bad. The fact that so many people working 40+ hours a week already feel the need to hustle in their free time just to make ends meet is bad, but that’s an argument for another day.
With the proliferation of gig work and a culture that is constantly spilling secrets to each other, people are constantly finding and promoting new ways to do a little extra work with a small set of skills to make some great income beyond your normal 9-5. Sounds great on paper, and I believe the idea in its simplest form is fine. If you enjoy driving around town and don’t mind talking to drunk strangers, Ubering for a few hours in the evening may be a nice way to decompress. If you enjoy making art and want to promote a small digital design business in your free time, great.
The issue comes about when you get people on the internet promising that they “just found this great side hustle that no one is doing. It only takes 1-2 hours a day and will make you thousands of dollars each month.” Wonderful, sign me right up. Only, the numbers they are giving are not what you’re likely to make in your first week or month or year or maybe ever. Also, the amount of work required to start up some of these is incredibly intensive.
If you are passionate about something and want to find a way to monetize that skill, go for it. But if you’re getting frustrated because you just started your eighth side hustle this year and none of them are gaining much trachtion, just breathe. Lean into your skills, and hobbies, and desires. There’s no need to be miserable in your free time as well.
4. Multi-Level Marketing
Basically any marketing you’re doing for other people where you can make a “cut” at the beginning then more as you onboard new people… yeah what shape does that form again?
This is another area where people will spout all these claims about how easy it is to start making easy money. Hint: if it’s really that easy, way more people would be doing it. I’m not saying that all MLMs are pyramid schemes, but when the business model is predicated on you selling to or recruiting friends and family and your ability to get out of the business is limited at best, be very weary.
At the end of the day, I don’t think anyone grew up saying “I can’t wait to be a multi-level marketer!” If you have a passion for it and it’s not negatively impacting you, great, go for it. But if you’re hoping some pseudo-influencer on Instagram just gave you the secret to success, maybe do a little more research before investing your time and money.
3. Ice Baths
There are benefits to cold plunges, if you want to learn more about those benefits, there are a million podcasters and their sisters talking about them constantly. As someone who has done them to decrease inflammation after long workouts, they’re great, getting in a bunch of warm clothes afterward? Even better.
But you’re not going to ice bath your way into the life you want.
I understand that a lot of the craze around ice baths goes along with the discipline and drive to do things you don’t want to. Okay, those are great and admirable, but this is one step of at least a few dozen that need to be stacked up and coupled with some actual work. Taking an ice bath every day before going to work a thankless office job isn’t going to make success matriculate into your life.
I think taking the main lesson of “get up and do things that make you uncomfortable” is a good start. But when people online are telling you they wake up at 3 AM and jump into a frozen lakebed every day, maybe stop and examine if their life is really one you want in the first place.
2. Becoming a “High Value” Individual
A lot of hustle culture centers around the value that you bring. Whether that be in a relationship, in a job, in your self-worth, or your worth to the world, its somewhat fluid. The basis is this: “Be Perfect.” Easy enough, just dress well, look good, workout all the time, be the best at everything you do, be respectful but uncompromising, be smart, be cool, and just overall… perfect.
While it’s clear that a lot of things put out on the internet are either intentionally rage-baiting people to ask questions like, “did you really just say that?” or they’re satire, there is a blurred line in there where some people get trapped.
Value should be defined by you and you alone. Do you see your value within the world, do you feel at peace with what you give and receive? Be it love or effort or knowledge, whatever it is that you have to offer the world—that’s valuable. (As long as that doesn’t actively harm others).
If you’re dating or meeting new friends who are talking about their desire for a “high-value” individual off the bat, I hope you have enough self-assurance to run not walk away from that interaction.
1. Bettering Yourself
We all have things we would like to change about ourselves. We don’t like how big our nose is, we don’t like how thin our hair is getting, we wish that we didn’t fly off the handle so easily at small things like traffic. Whatever your thing is, rest assured knowing we all have small insecurities.
From self-help books to psychology podcasts to our friends talking about their latest juice cleanse, the offerings of betterment are all around us. Again, I will not say this is all flat-out evil. It is a good thing to want to learn and grow and change, commendable even. But Just like anything else, the drive to “better” ourselves aimlessly can be an obsession that is just as detrimental as any other addiction.
Here’s a tip: you’re never going to be perfect.
Here’s the silver lining: no one else will be either.
It’s so easy for us as humans to focus on what is missing or what can be better. Yes, you could have more defined abs. Yes, you could eat more salads and beans rather than burgers. H Yes, you could spend more time exercising than scrolling on your phone. And some days, you probably should.
But rather than focusing on all the things you have to do to be “better,” I hope you can stop and appreciate the things you are already doing that are pretty damn incredible.
What The Friday? – Monk Mode
At the apex of “what the fuck?” in this whole hustle/grind culture is Monk Mode. In the midst of all these productivity and success “hacks,” there are people who come up with some crazy ideas. I truly cannot tell if this arose as a joke, but judging by some of the things I have seen and heard, I’m going to guess it sadly is not.
The basic gist of Monk Mode is this: find a time of day to limit distractions so you can focus better and be more productive. Uhh… okay. Did we need a whole new term for the word “focus?”
At this point, it’s really difficult to parse out what is real and what is satire, but there is one thing I am absolutely certain of—you don’t need to go into “Monk Mode.” Not now, not ever. (Unless you’re actually a monk in which case, I suggest you stay the course).
Wrap-Up:
Personally, I feel pretty drained just imagining all the things you have to do to be productive and successful on a day-to-day basis.
The sad part is that I understand a lot of this was born out of very real fears that full-time employment simply is not enough to keep the roofs over our heads and the food on the table. The stress of bills is constant and it is very real.
The solace I can offer is that no one has this figured out. Hearing from majorly successful people that you have to be working 100+ hours a week to grind and hustle your way to the top is horrendous, and even worse, it overshadows the very practical advice that some people actually do dole out on the internet.
I hope that as you go into the weekend you can take some time to relax. Maybe stare at the sky and look for patterns in the clouds, maybe just listen to music on a balcony with some friends. Take a break from hustling and working yourself to the bone and just breathe.
Friday - March 29th, 2024
Top 5 Odd Jobs People Actually Get Paid For
Introduction:
The basic premise of a job is pretty simple, you perform some sort of service in exchange for money. Some jobs are more necessary than others (some people are doctors and nurses while others are psychics), and some are a lot more common. In this day and age of people making absurd amounts of money for being “influencers” it’s not hard to imagine that there is a wide array of other crazy jobs that exist.
Pretty much any service that you can think of has been turned into a job for someone. Struggling with building out your online dating profile? There’s a person to hire to help you. Want to have your friend followed around by a clown for a week? There’s a person for that.
Unsurprisingly, many of the weirdest jobs that exist have to do with animals, and the lengths we will go for some of our furry friends.
5. Professional Smeller
We all do this for free every time we are looking for new candles anyway, some people are just fortunate enough to use their nose to make a little extra money. Perfume, food, and cosmetic companies all employ professional smellers to ensure that their products are not olfactorily offensive. This sounds like it would be fun for about 5 minutes before the head rush set in, but hey, who am I to tell people how to live their lives?
Most surprisingly, Nasa has a “Chief Sniffer” or “nasalnaut” who will smell everything that is to be sent into space before any missions. This is done to ensure the astronauts are not trapped in a confined space for months on end with unpleasant smells.
4. Snake Milker
In a world that is hell-bent on turning entirely un-milkable things like oats and almonds into milk, I believe science has finally gone too far. I don’t even want to know how much a snake-milk latte would cost.
In reality, “milking” snakes is a process of extracting venom not milk. (Why does venom almost seem better than the alternative?) This job, that I can only imagine is beyond high stress, is for trained professionals who are trained in extracting venom from various snakes in a harmless way and without getting harmed in the process. Once they have the venom, it can be used for various types of research, principally, the development of anti-venom. Important in the long run? Yes. Would I ever be willing to get myself into this line of work? Absolutely not.
3. Dog Food Taster
One time on a dare my cousin and I split a dog biscuit. You know those Milk Bone things that dogs go absolutely nuts for? Yeah, they’re terrible. Like if someone made a thick saltine from vegetables then let it get as stale as humanly possible. If that’s their delicacy, I don’t even want to know what kibble or their wet, canned food tastes like. If the smell is any indication, it’s a no from me.
But as some people believe, there is nothing they wouldn’t do for their little fur babies. (Personally, I draw some lines, typically right at their food aisle). Some people have found it necessary to be human testers of dog food, claiming that dogs aren’t able to give us verbal feedback. Call me old fashioned, but I think watching a dog go nuts for their dinner day-in and day-out is enough of an indicator that their fine with how it tastes.
2. Professional Mourner
Are you sad or melancholic a large portion of the time? Do you want to take that negativity and turn it into cold, hard cash? If so, I have just the job for you.
Oddly enough, the job of “professional mourner” can be traced back to ancient Egyptian and Chinese civilizations. Typically, these people were hired to deliver a eulogy or comfort a grieving family through the loss of a loved one. While I personally couldn’t imagine hiring someone to come to the funeral of a loved one just to shed a few more tears, it is still a fairly common practice in some parts of the world.
If I’m going to spend money to have some random people at my funeral, I’m hiring actors to stand off to the side in black suits and earpieces so my friends and family start to think I lived some kind of secret double life as a spy.
1. Panda Fluffer
For those unfamiliar with the term “fluffer,” I apologize. This is just too bizarre not to mention here. Pandas, especially those in captivity are known to be a somewhat sexually reluctant species. Not overly surprising from the lazy bears that snack on bamboo and tumble out of trees from time to time.
Still, some zoos have devised odd ways to intervene with pandas’ natural reluctance to propagate. This has taken various forms, but the most… hands-on approach is when one of the caretakers has to get the male panda’s raring to go.
I won’t get into the specifics here, because it toes a line with our human-animal relationship that I find a bit disturbing. But maybe the next time you’re stressed at work, be glad that your means of making money doesn’t involve trying to get a panda excited enough to save its species.
What The Friday? - Headline: Florida man dons scuba suit to deliver pizza to underwater hotel guests!
If nothing else, Florida always finds a way to keep things interesting. At Jules’ Undersea Lodge, guests can have pizza delivered to them… while they are still underwater. I have heard some crazy stories of delivery drivers willing to go the extra mile, but getting a scuba certification, keeping the pizza warm, and trying to get there in 30 minutes or less? That’s a tall ask.
While this is very cool, I don’t even want to imagine what the delivery charge and expected tip is on something like this.
Wrap-up:
Work is weird. We are constantly finding new was to perform services that someone somewhere has deemed necessary all so we can continue to sleep under a roof and eat enough food to do it all again tomorrow.
Sometimes odd jobs can be fun and entertaining, sometimes you might be wrangling snakes. Some common jobs are monotonous, and some people thrive in that. I think it’s pretty special that we have such a diverse array of humans all suited to various tasks.
Have a good weekend and don’t fluff any pandas unless you’re their caretaker. And even then…
Friday - March 22nd, 2024
Top 5 Ways Our Brains Lie To Us
Introduction:
Brains!
Not just the entire food pyramid for zombies, also arguably the most (paradoxically) mind-boggling thing we have ever endeavored to understand. We use our brain to slowly discover the secrets of the brain, which thinking about too hard hurts my brain.
Not just a mass of folded jelly that uses electrical impulses to drive our towering meat-enclosed skeletons through the day, also, arguably, the source of our entire sense of self and being. Brains are infinitely complex and the fact that we are still working tirelessly to discover the secrets of what operates our whole lives is honestly pretty rude. Greedy organ.
Brains are immensely powerful and wildly complex, and while we have come a long way in understanding the ins and outs of it, we are still discovering new and exciting ways that our brain is capable of shaping our perception of reality and, occasionally, lying to us.
Today we look at some of the coolest (read: scariest) ways that our brain goes rogue and what we may be able to help combat some of these entrenched behaviors.
5. Upside Down
Right now, you’re upside down. Well, sort of. But don’t go nailing your furniture to the roof just yet (or do, I don’t tell you how to decorate your own home). What I mean is your brain is lying to you, and in this case it’s probably for the best.
If you have taken (or slept through) any physics classes, you may remember that the light from items below us enter the top of our eye and light from objects above, the bottom. The resulting image, if we were to take it at face value (pun somewhat intended), would be pretty confusing. We would be walking on the ceiling, ducking under the doorframe on the floor and a whole bunch of us would suddenly be left-handed.
Thankfully, our brains intuitively know that this would be… odd. So its solution is to just alter the sensory input we receive on a daily basis and it auto-corrects it so that the world is right side up, the way it should be.
Interestingly, one psychologist tried to trick his brain regarding this phenomenon, and he was successful. For several days on end, George Stratton would wear glasses that inverted his sight so that when his brain kept up the habit of inverting his vision, it was back to “normal” where everything was upside down and backwards. As you can imagine, this took some getting used to, adjusting the hand he was using to grasp things, consciously having to think about how to put his coffee down, I imagine it was a frustrating week.
Fascinatingly, his brain “corrected” for this intervention and within a few days, he was operating pretty much at normal capacity, his brain able to take his attempt to trick it and throw it right back in his… face? Eye? Whatever suits your humor I suppose.
4. Just a Little Off…
There are certain facts in life. Things we learn, and always experience in a way that aligns with that learning and after some time, never have to think again. Distance between objects is a fact (as long as they’re not moving that is). For example, there are 2,572 miles (4,139 km for my imperial friends) between San Francisco and New York City. Fact.
Generally, when we are well-rested, well-fed, told we look hot, and the sun is shining, we are pretty good at estimating things like distance. We know if something is walkable, we know roughly how long of a drive it is to our grocery store or gym or work. But a funny thing happens when our bodies are put under any sort of duress: we didn’t sleep well, we worked through lunch (again), our crush told us we’re ugly, and the rain is falling like its mad at the ground; we become increasingly bad at estimating things such as distance.
That 15-minute trip to the grocery store now seems like a whole excursion, that 9-minute drive to the gym is simply unmanageable because, let’s face it, you always hit the red lights and parking is a nightmare this time of day. But it’s not just distances that get exaggerated in our mind when we are out of comfort, it’s pretty much everything.
This may not be novel or groundbreaking, but it is a good reminder that your brain is lying to you in these moments. Your boyfriend isn’t ignoring you, you’re just hungry. Your girlfriend isn’t being distant, you just haven’t stopped staring at work for 10 hours. In addition to being liars, our brains are pretty dramatic, and they have a tendency to make mountains out of molehills.
Fortunately, this works in the positive direction just as well. When things are looking up, it’s amazing how all of a sudden more and more things seem to go your way.
3. Habitual
Your brain is a jungle. At least, that’s the best way that habit has been described to me. The entirety of your brain when you are born is a jungle and life is an exploration through that jungle. Throughout our lives, we are given cues (stimuli) that we then respond to. When a new experience comes our way, a new cue, we explore a new part of the jungle of our mind trying to figure out how to deal with the situation. If we deal with it well, we may find a path to a waterfall and make a note for next time with a big ‘X’ on our brain map. If we instead make a mistake and the response leads to pain, like finding a snake on our new path, well, we’re less likely to want to go that way again.
Over time, these paths in our brain get worn in the same way hiking trails do, slow and steady. When we are then presented with similar situations, we know exactly what to do (or not do) to take the right path to a favorable outcome.
But, much like hiking trails, there is no set way to deal with situations. When your boring coworker talks about the weather, you know the pathway to a favorable outcome (saying something noncommittal and obvious then leaving). But that’s not the only way to deal with it, you could laugh hysterically while screaming “Not today, Satan!” over and over and probably still get the end result of being left alone. Sure, HR might get called and your coworkers might look at you funny, but it is an option.
This pattern-forming behavior is basically a big lie by our brains saying, “when this happens, do this to get what we want.” However, for lack of a better metaphor, there is more than one way to skin a cat. (Why were people ever doing that in the first place? I don’t know.)
Diversifying the situations, we are put in or forcing ourselves to handle existing situations in diverse ways increases neuroplasticity, our brains ability to change over time. This is why habits are so difficult to break and conversely, so difficult to form. You are literally fighting an uphill battle with your own mind.
Again, rude.
2. I Did What?
Telephone was an extremely frustrating game when I was a kid. Seriously, how hard is it for 10 people to hear the word “Chicago” and repeat it to the person next to them? And how the hell did we end up at “Cheese balls”?
Well, unfortunately, our brains play this game all the time, only, they play it solo with themselves and somehow, they still fuck it up. To be fair to our brains, it’s not entirely their fault, after all they are doing a million and one other things, this game is sort of an on-demand thing that comes about when we think of discrete memories. Thankfully, the more ‘important’ we deem the memory, the better we are at preserving it over time.
But for the rest of them, like the time you baked a pie with your mom, and you burnt your hand on the pan, or was it your forearm? Were you making a pot roast? No, it was with your uncle. Anyway, now your story is off track and everyone at the party has lost interest. Again.
Memory recall is a famously fickle thing. Eyewitness testimony is taken with less than a grain of salt in most courts, unable to be counted as a reliable source of information. Why? Our brains are fucking up telephone. Through a variety of factors such as suggestion, stress, biases, or converging memories, our certainty about events dwindles with each time we recall it. Every time we think back on something, we are exposing it to other thoughts and memories that may be similar and sometimes our brain gets a little confused and rather than doing the admirable thing and sending us an error message and an apology that they can’t be sure, they just throw a few memories together knowing we won’t know the difference.
(Maybe this is why gaslighting people can be so effective)
(Note: I do not condone gaslighting except for in rare examples where you are doing it to your friends for brief periods of comedic value.)
1. Consciousness
Who are you? When you think about ‘me’ what do you think about? Rippling layers of fat and water in your head? That bright and shining smile you see in the mirror? The mysteries of consciousness are still fairly elusive. And while we have endeavored to unravel the mysteries, there is still so much that is unknown.
Consciousness is not easily defined and thus is fairly hard to pin down. We know that we are aware of our own existence and mortality, we are able to have rational thoughts about irrational feelings, enabling us to override our more animalistic brains and act in ways that are deemed societally acceptable (most of us anyway). But is that ability to resist impulse enough to pass the threshold of what we consider consciousness?
Ten times out of ten, if you hold a treat out to a dog, it is going to want to eat it. In dogs that have had no training, they will snatch that treat and maybe even a few fingers in the process, but they are able, through repetition, to achieve a pattern of thought that reminds them that their human wants them to wait (and sit and shake and roll over) before they can act on that impulse to eat the treat.
Our inability to define consciousness created a myriad of other issues in our ability to pinpoint and study how this arose evolutionarily. Personally, this inability to define and measure consciousness is a great argument for any ill-understood power beyond our perception within the universe.
Whatever our is-ness is, it affords some great opportunities to cooperate with one another: to laugh, to enjoy life, and err and feel guilt, and to love. Whatever the reason for its existence, and despite some of the hardships that may come along with it, undeniably, it’s pretty fucking special.
What The Friday? - Sleep
We all know the sweet abyss of sleep, those wonderful hours where you can forget the worries of the day and maybe get engrossed in wonderfully nonsensical dreams (or get chased by a killer as your mind attempts to scare you). (No, seriously what the hell is up with nightmares?)
We all know that we spend roughly a third of our lives asleep, but why? The truth is we don’t really know. We know the effects of sleep are beneficial, it helps with memory retention, creative problem solving, heart health, muscle recovery, and even neuroplasticity. We go into this state of restiveness so that our body can perform some daily maintenance to make sure that our bodies can keep going for a while.
Really though, the reasons that we are on regular cycles of sleep isn’t fully understood. It would make far more sense if say, at a certain level of energy output, you need to recover. You run a marathon, sure, you need your nightly rest, but in reality, people who ran a marathon and people who spent all-day binge-watching TV will sleep for roughly the same amount of time in a night.
We are not alone in this; all animals go through restive periods (some for up to 22+ hours a day!). But while we understand the result, the exact reason behind our need to sleep to achieve this maintenance remains a mystery of biology.
Wrap-up:
I hope this has inspired you to reflect on what you are. What your brain is (and isn’t) telling you, and how to then use that slippery little devil to outsmart yourself. The paradoxes are plentiful in this analogy, but I think it prudent to separate our brains functions from ourselves every once in a while for serious bouts of self-reflection.
If nothing else, I hope you go into this weekend thinking. Maybe thinking about her, or me, or us, or maybe what we’re gonna be.
I just hope you don’t open your eyes to realize it was only just a dream.
Friday - March 15th, 2024
Top 5 Reasons We Are Alone
Introduction:
Hello? Is this thing on?
Are we alone? A question where the answer you hope for changes based on your situation. Alone in a creepy house in a horror movie? Hopefully yes. Arriving to your first college party? Maybe not so much.
On a cosmic scale, the answer really depends on our perception of what for other life will take. The idea of extraterrestrial life has captivated us for so long and worked its way into our media. Sometimes they’re good aliens, just wanting to make a friend and maybe phone home every once in a while. Sometimes they come in giant ships trying to destroy the world and Will Smith has to fly into space to save us. Take your pick.
But whether interactions with other forms of life would be good or bad, it seems increasingly likely that we may never know. At least, not anytime soon. And if there is one thing that is true about our species, we have to know!
When he wasn’t working on the Manhattan Project, scientist Enrico Fermi spent much of his time postulating why we have not had any form of contact with any other forms of life in the universe. Are they shy? Incapable? Bored? Playing hard to get? (Silly aliens, how did you know that’s our weakness?) Whatever the reason(s) may be, the why of it all comes with the underlying questions: should we be excited at the prospect, or terrified? And which is more terrifying, knowing there is other life out there, or finding out we are truly all alone?
Today we look at some potential explanations to why we are, as of now, still isolated in this crazy experience we call life.
5. Evolutionary / Economic Constraints
Encompassed within each of these broader explanations, Fermi hypothesized a variety of sub-reasons for our loneliness. Sadly, some of the more basic (read: boring) explanations are also some of the most sensible. At least as far as we understand the relationship between life and resources.
One basic reason that we may have never heard from aliens or seen them is just simply that they’re poor. (Wealth disparity! Now available in Universal Size!) That’s not to say they might be poor in life fulfilment or contentment, but simply that they do not have the necessary resources to facilitate any form of inter-galactic communication. (We don’t either really, but we can ignore that). One possible caveat to this is that information is far easier to transmit than matter, meaning we could send/receive communication signals far easier than we could send/receive ourselves or others.
Another explanation is that aliens are just, well… kinda dumb. Maybe not for their size but compared to where we are on the evolutionary timeline. The evolutionary portion of Fermi’s theory reflects something we have seen in our own evolution… shit happens. Asteroids, ice ages, oxygen deficits, mutually assured destruction, whatever the reason, life on other planets could be as cyclical as ours, never truly allowing enough time for intelligent life to develop far enough to be able to make contact.
Sensible, yet boring.
4. Searching Diffculty
Similar to aliens being too dumb to find us, we are maybe still too inexperienced to find them. Looking for life in the expanse of the universe is like looking for a needle the size of a grain of sand in a haystack the size of the earth (not to scale, just guesstimating).
A few things could be to blame for this: We could be looking for the wrong kind of signals or signatures of life, we could just be too far away, it’s even possible we have found evidence of life but we just didn’t recognize it as such. When looking for radio signals, perhaps other species use UV signals, where we look for oxygen to support respiration, perhaps other life forms have evolved to breathe in sulfuric atmospheres.
Whatever the reason, we have not quite figured out what we should be looking for.
3. Willingness to Communicate
Maybe, just maybe, aliens are super shy. Maybe they have that thing like elephants do where they see us as really cute and it makes them nervous to communicate. I mean come one, how nerve wracking is it asking out your crush for the first time?
In all seriousness, this is where the theories start to get a little more interesting. Lack of willingness is a big jump from lack of ability. There is a certain comfort in the dullness of all life just being incapable of advancing far enough to reach out. Theories around lack of willingness suggest that we are the big cosmic dumb-dumbs and other life forms are simply too good for us.
One explanation suggested for this is the Zoo hypothesis that states that we are either being deliberately ignored by aliens, or we are basically a planetary zoo enclosure on which they perform small experiments or observe from afar, goggling at the wildness of humans. Think of it as one, giant, intergalactic Truman Show.
They could be watching you right now…
2. Sociological Constraints
Another explanation that suggest capability without willingness is simply a sociological difference. I mean, how many different cultural norms do we have here just on our planet? Scale that up to the universe and I’m sure there are some wild customs out there.
In the Fermi Paradox, it is hypothesized that while capable, other advanced life forms may simply not be willing to reach out to us because they don’t care. Far be it from some of us to believe, but perhaps colonization is not the universal norm. Maybe there are some extremely advanced aliens who are simply too at peace with their own lives to even think about coming around to mess with us.
Even worse than playing hard to get, now they’re just looking down their noses at us. (If they have noses that is).
1. Rarity of intelligent life
Finally, a more existential option: We are completely alone.
Maybe we are just a cosmic fluke and the advancement of our consciousness was an unintended side effect of random events. As far as we can tell, planets must exist in the Goldilocks Zone to be habitable—the range in a solar system where a planet could maintain atmospheric temperatures that allow water to exist as a liquid. If our model of necessity of water and oxygen prove universal for advanced, intelligent life, the number of planets where life could be supported are greatly reduced.
Part of me thinks this is kind of cool… we’re just simply better. Against all odds we have threaded the evolutionary needle and know we are developed enough to form stable governments (mostly) and social structures.
The other part of me thinks this is a little terrifying. No one truly likes being alone, scaling that up to us being a little blip in the universe and it definitely gives me a little existential dread.
WTF? – Alien life is already here…
A final hypothesis (cause why not when you have no real answers) is that other life forms are already here (queue Twilight Zone theme music).
I am not very conspiratorially minded, but a few years ago the US Navy unclassified a ton of reports around UFOs basically saying, “yup, for sure exist, 100%, seen on radar” and we all just sort of shrugged? It’s really been a weird few years, huh? Anyway, whether it is from flying saucers, or more discreet means, it is possible that there are aliens living among us now and we just have no idea.
Are they just hanging out? Watching? Waiting…?
We truly may never know.
Wrap-Up:
Sometimes it’s easy to forget that a lot of a scientists’ job (especially theoretical physicists) is just to daydream. Imagine all the possibilities that will explain away the unanswered questions that plague them day in and day out. After recently watching Oppenheimer and being reminded of Fermi’s contribution to the Manhattan Project, I was fascinated to revisit this Paradox of his.
These unanswered questions about our place in the universe and the meaning (or lack therefore of) of our existence is more than enough to keep you going through the weekend.
And remember, if you feel like someone is watching you, they probably are…
Friday - March 8th, 2024
Top 5 Future-Facing Innovations
Introduction:
Sometimes we are so busy looking at what is to come that we lose sight of the fact that we are living in the future. That far-flung world where robots assist us in tasks throughout our daily lives and technology rules the world? Yeah, we’re there. Perhaps this isn’t the hover-car-filled utopia that we may imagine when we think of the future, but that doesn’t make the advancements we have made over the past few industrious centuries any less amazing.
Perhaps the greater issue is our extraordinary ability to slowly make the impressive mundane. (Seriously, what is Wi-Fi and cell service? I speak into a metal rectangle then the air just tells someone in Spain what I said? Okay, sure).
Despite the incredible advancements we have made already as a species, there is always more to strive for. Always new heights to seek out, discoveries to make. Today we look at some inventions that exist just on the precipice of imagination and understanding, praying that one day soon we will be able to make even these great feats seem mundane.
5. Sand Batteries
Maybe it’s all the hype around Dune recently, but batteries drawing power from the sand sound pretty sweet. In a world that is constantly looking to better ways to be efficient with energy consumption, sand batteries are a rarely mentioned idea that have great capacity. With its ability to be super-heated to temperatures well above the boiling point of water (storage up to 600C), these silos are a great alternative to traditional heat-exchange options.
While I had initially imagined giant batteries out in the Sahara providing great outputs of power to the world, this is a pretty cool second option and a promising start to innovating new ways to have more sustainable, efficient energy systems in a world that is increasingly energy dependent.
4. Direct Air Capture
Even more innovative than the idea of “packaging” and selling “bottled air” is the recent innovation to extract excess CO2 from the air. Trees are able to do this naturally through their respiration which also emits pure oxygen back to us, (you know, that stuff we use to breathe?) Unfortunately, Direct Air Capture is not a very efficient process yet, and the result is stored carbon dioxide rather than usable oxygen, but it’s a start. If the last century is any indication, once we figure out the direction we want to take technology, we can accelerate innovation at a rapid pace. (For better or for worse).
There are many things we can be doing to reduce the carbon dioxide in our atmosphere, but the reality is, none of them are easy. Even simple promises by corporations to be “net zero” on carbon emissions is not really as great as it sounds, and when companies miss their targets… oops.
The reality is, to sustain the lifestyles we have cultivated across the world, we will have to further innovate in an effort to restore some semblance of health to our environment.
3. Living Concrete
It’s Alive!
Made by adding bacteria and gelatin to the classic mix of water, cement, and sand, (whoever controls the [living concrete], controls the universe), living concrete is a development that may change the way we pave modern roads. The benefits include the fact that this mixture would not break in the same way as current roads and repairs would be less frequent.
While regenerative, this new material is not without its faults. The need to use living bacteria and the fact that it is not completely self-sustainable are a few kinks that will need to be worked out along with its ability to hold heavy traffic. Still, the fact that we are making strides that make it so when we hit a pothole going 45 miles per hour we don’t pop a tire is promising enough for me.
2. 3D printed food
I’ll try anything twice. How else are you supposed to know if you really don’t like something or if you just had a bad experience? This especially applies to food and as the future rushes toward us, we find ourselves in a world where we have the capability to literally print food. Is it easy and cheap? No. Does it taste good? Allegedly.
Taking a page out of the book of pizza vending machines, this process combines all the thrill of immediate gratification with the uneasy feeling you get when you have absolutely no idea what you’re actually eating. 3D printed foods currently are limited to things that are closer to purees or frostings, making desserts the prime candidate for creation at the moment, but I believe there is more to come in the future.
After all, food is just a random assortment of molecules that happen to taste good without poisoning us, I have no doubt sciences best minds are on the case.
1. Dyson Spheres
Nothing on this list sounds quite as cool as a hypothetical megastructure.
Unfortunately, nothing on this list is quite as far away from reality either. A Dyson Sphere is a conceptual structure that would be built around a star in attempts to capture immense amounts of energy emitted. By current estimates we capture far below 1% of the suns energy output; a Dyson Sphere would allow us to harness over 85% of that energy.
This would allow us to rocket up the ladder of civilization type on the Kardashev Scale—the proposed tiers of how much energy a civilization is capable of using. Currently we are a Type 0 civilization, not even capable of harnessing all of our planetary energy. A Dyson Sphere would take us up to a Type 2 civilization and allow us, theoretically, to amass some great feats of computing and exploration.
Through hardships, to the stars.
What the Friday? – Digital Immortality
How boring does life get when it never ends?
In a time where AI seems to be all anyone can talk about, and medical advancements are making it realistic that we can build a working human body like we’re Dr. Frankenstein, I think it’s a good time to start thinking of the implications. Without getting too far into the philosophical realm of what self is exactly (mind, body… soul?) I think it’s fair to say that our brain is basically running this whole operation. Pretty much all of us can be replaced, piece by piece like the Ship of Theseus, until we are left to wonder if we are still ourselves.
But I think this stops at the brain. That’s why recent speculation and efforts are being made by some people to see if we can truly live forever. One of the ways this is taking shape is Digital Immortality where our consciousness would be “uploaded” our memories and thought retained, while our bodies were left to be recreated (or we exist as a brain floating in a jar with no body like a super villain).
While the details haven’t exactly been hammered out, I think it’s fair to say we are inching into a realm where eccentric types with a lot of money will be making continued efforts to see this science-fiction like dream play out in reality.
Wrap-Up:
Will all of these make the world a better place? Probably not, unfortunately as with so many other things in life, that is really up to us to decide how we use them. After all, we carry access to the entire recorded human history in our pockets daily and generally spend 4-6 hours looking at memes instead.
Still, I think the fact that there are people out there giving these projects and others a good old-fashioned try is inspiring. There is still hope that technologies can be used for the better—to take us closer to the brink of that far-flung utopia we always imagined the future to be.
Friday - March 1st, 2024
Top 5 Meteorological Phenomena
Introduction:
You know things are bad when you resort to talking about the weather. It’s polite, colloquial, and typically a one-way ticket to an abrupt end to an awkward conversation. But while it can be such a mundane topic of everyday conversation, our planet is capable of producing some weather phenomena that are… well, phenomenal.
When you really start to dive into all the ways temperature, pressure, and humidity can combine, it is astounding some of the results that are produced. Like when you feel like you’re running out of ingredients at home, so you throw everything together and create a low-cost culinary masterpiece.
Most of us are familiar with the typical: rain, snow, sleet, hail, sun, hot flashes, cold snaps; we may even know some of the more extreme events like hurricanes and bomb cyclones. (I do appreciate how the words in meteorology are adequately gentle or harsh depending on the event).
Today we’ll look at a few of the lesser-known, and thankfully far less likely phenomena that occur from time to time in this wild, wondrous world.
5. Harmful Algal Bloom – Red Tide
Far be it from me to give credit to anything that makes me use any shade akin to crimson and ‘tide’ in the same sentence, but at least I’m putting them at the bottom of the list. Some algal blooms are harmless and visually spectacular like the bioluminescent tides that occur in Southern California (caused by the awesomely named dinoflagellates).
In other areas, these over-growths of different kinds of bacteria can lead to distinct shift sin the pigment in the shores where the bloom proliferates, they are not always red. (Big surprise to have a misnomer created by a group that says “Roll Tide” when their mascot is an elephant—alright I’m done.)
4. Katabatic Winds
Have you ever watched as the fog creeps over the hills like a wave, slowly running down over the trees? This is caused by the high-density fog being forced down over the tops of a mountain until it acts like a gaseous waterfall. Many of these are mild and occur with little consequence, occasionally the force of these foggy winds can reach hurricane wind speeds as they are forced over higher peaks. In Antarctica and Greenland, these winds have been shown to blow large sheets of ice. This force can cause a williwaw—a large wind coming down from a mountain that impacts a ship on the water.
Being in the middle of dense fog can be fun, or disconcerting depending on if you’re driving or not, but being in the middle of a dense fog while being blown about by a hurricane equivalent does not sound quite as fun.
3. Blood Rain
The atmospheric counterpart to red tides is a far less common but far more hardcore event called a blood rain. If that’s not the name of a metal band already it should be.
The first accounts of this date back to the Odyssey, and while we learned last week that the accounts of old Greek Mythologies are maybe not the most reliable sources for modern-day information, there is a proven phenomenon where algae is able to cause a pigment change leading to these unsettling red rains. (Algae out here showing amazing versatility a la Bo Jackson and Dion Sanders).
Spores of the bacteria that cause this disconcerting sight are mostly endemic to Austria but have been reported as drifting across the Arabian Sea into other areas on the world. While this is not at all a common occurrence, it is pretty hilarious to me imagining the sheer panic that people caught in this must have experienced as it occurred. I may not be a particularly religious or superstitious person, but something like this may just be enough to get me to stop and think a bit about the random forces at work in the world around us.
2. Sprites
Apparently, anytime weather gets serious, things turn red. Upper-Atmospheric Lightning, or Sprites, are caused when lightning occurs in the Ionosphere, roughly 5 times higher than typical storms. The names for phenomena that occur up this high are pretty incredible; ranging from Sprites, to Elves, to Trolls, to a number of other mythological creatures with goofy names.
While much less common, and much less impactful for our daily lives, these upper atmospheric events put on some wonderous displays akin to the auroras that creep down into our skies during times of increased solar activity.
1. Volcanic Lightning
I don’t think it gets any crazier than this. Despite not living anywhere close to an active volcano as a child, for some reason I believed they would be a much bigger part of my everyday life. (Kind of like quicksand). Thankfully, they weren’t and as I learned more about Pompeii and the Yellowstone Super Volcano, I was grateful for that fact.
Volcanic eruptions can be mild, like the one I was able to observe in Iceland a few years ago, but they can also be disruptive and destructive. The recent eruption off the coast of Tonga in 2022 caused a massive shockwave of air and seawater rippling around the world, ejected a ton of volcanic ash into the atmosphere and literally reshaped the Pacific seafloor.
The immense power that these events cause can occasionally super-charge the air and lead to the worst two-for-one deal ever: volcanic lightning. Pictures and videos captured of these events are beautiful in a terrifying sort of way, but they serve as a reminder that we truly live on a wild planet that is capable of unfathomable feats of destruction.
What The Friday? – SpaceX
Another topic as ubiquitous as discussing the weather: Elon Musk. In the midst of buying tech giants and discussing plans to terraform and colonize our celestial neighbor, Musk is also partially responsible for some more recent phenomena. Another bloom of odd luminescence that is increasingly common in Southern California—only this time in the sky—recent launches of SpaceX rockets have caused odd sights for some unsuspecting residents.
It has become fairly common for these launches to cause click-bait-y articles that talk about the unidentified flying objects streaking luminously through the SoCal sky. However, along with the spectacle of their passing as they launch, a post-atmospheric-exit phenomena is being caused as an after effect that is said to be a result of these rockets punching a hole in our atmosphere. Neat.
This disruption causes a similar red glow to atmospheric lightning, a nice, totally-not-ominous red glow hanging in the lower portion of our sky for all to see.
Wrap-Up:
If nothing else, the next time you’re trapped in a dwindling conversation about weather with a coworker, you now have something exciting to add. The ways different astronomical and atmospheric conditions mix is truly a spectacle, and the fact that we are place just-so in our solar system to be alive to see it all is pretty amazing. Hopefully you don’t experience any of the more severe events listed here anytime soon or ever, but they are definitely worth a quick video search if you have the time. Gave a great weekend and stay away from volcanoes. (And quicksand).
Friday - February 23rd, 2024
Top 5 Ancient Civilizations
Introduction:
Lost Civilizations.
Not only is this a great band name, but also a fascinating topic. As humans have evolved, we have found new and more stable ways to document our history. Or so we think. Throughout the course of history there are have been civilizations that have probably thought something similar. Are we now truly impervious to impermanence?
Many civilizations as well as their histories have been lost to time, and while we can rely on archeological records or do our best to parse through ancient texts of dead languages, there is a limit that we can learn about some of these civilizations. (And a whole lot we could learn from). A lot of our ‘knowledge’ on these subjects are based on our current understanding of how civilizations should function, but maybe they had things figured out in another way.
Today we look at some of the most famous civilizations that have mysteriously disappeared with the added bonus of why so many of them had giant structures that we cannot fully account for (hint: it is definitely aliens—the late-night History Channel says so).
5. Indus Valley Civilization
Along with Egypt and Mesopotamia, the Indus Valley Civilization is considered one of the three early Bronze Age civilizations. Located in regions overlapping modern-day Pakistan and India, the Indus Valley Civilization spanned a wide swatch of south central Asia dating back as far as 3300 BCE. The first evidence of these civilizations was uncovered in the 19th century and through archeological and nuclear dating, we have been able to learn a fair amount about the geological and temporal span of the civilization.
What we don’t know for sure is… well anything else really. Assumptions are made about their forms of government, social stratification based on sizes of various buildings, abundance of trade based on discovery of scale, and them having a single, centralized language or lingua franca. Sadly, efforts to translate any texts found in the sites of these ruins have not yielded any further insights into their language.
While these lands are inhabited today, it is thought that around 1900 BCE, the Indus civilization disappeared making their histories and their secrets lost to time. Again, there is no general consensus; theories range from drought to flood and everything in between. Me personally? I think it was aliens.
4. Rapa Nui - Easter Island
If anyone has spent any time on Reddit, you’ll be familiar with the odd affinity that site has for the moai emoji. While I can’t begin to understand the inception and proliferation of viral internet memes, I can at least shed some light on the origin of the popular figure.
Easter Island (Rapa Nui to the locals) is a small island off the coast (way off) of present-day Peru in the south Pacific that had an ancient society beginning around 800 C.E. The island was so named due to the day of first western contact occurring on Easter Sunday in 1722. The locals, Rapanui, had a culture that placed great importance on ancestral worship leading to the construction of the great stone structures that we know of today. (Why these famous statues get their own emoji and place in the annals of Reddit history, I have no idea, that’s a topic for another day).
One of the greatest finds I have come across came about this week looking at the societal structure of the Rapanui. Where at one time they have a god-king like ruler that decided how resources were allocated, a military coup led to a new form of governance where respective clans would elect one person to take place in a trial to decide the leader for the year. That trial? Swimming across shark-infested waters, stealing an egg from a bird on a neighboring island, returning to Rapa Nui and being the first to climb back up a cliff to be named “Bird man of the year.”
This is how I want us selecting leaders from now until forever and you cannot change my mind.
While there are still people that live on the island today, the ‘fall’ of their society is categorized by a decline in their ability to survive and proliferate effectively. There is some speculation over the causes; some believe they fell to their own ecocide, destroying the land around them and collapsing over a struggle for resources, while other theories suggest that the introduction of western diseases and the Peruvian slave trade are to blame for the collapse. Today fewer than 8,000 people live on the island.
3. Greenland Vikings
Some time in the 10th century, Vikings made their way to and settled in Greenland. For nearly 600 years, this group found ways to thrive in what was thought to be a previously uninhabitable land. While we think about Vikings being an especially brutal lot (and they were at times) they were also resilient and resourceful. Seriously, if someone sent me to Greenland in the 10th century I would be proud surviving for 6 hours let alone 600 years.
Unlike many of the other societies on this list, we do know a fair amount about the Vikings origins, culture, language, and structure. What we don’t know for sure is why this specific thriving sub-culture of Greenland Vikings disappeared around the middle of the 15th century. The list of theories for their disappearance range from environmental disasters: ice age, sea level rise, drought (the usual), to war with the native Inuit, all the way to succumbing to the Black Death. (Oh, and did I mention the aliens?)
Whatever the cause for this societal collapse, it is another mystery to add to the record books.
2. Ancestral Puebloans
While historically known as the Anasazi, the descendants of this civilization use the term Ancestral Puebloans to define themselves, with the term ‘Anasazi’ seen as outdated as it was given to them by the Navajo meaning something along the lines of “ancestors of our enemies” or “ancestors of strangers.” This lack of direct translation along with the unknown collapse of the civilization has caused some more conspiratorially minded individuals to espouse some great theories regarding the “truth” that the Anasazi are actually a historical civilization of aliens. (Who says etymology can’t be fun?)
Originating in the present four corners region of the United States (the arbitrary point where Utah, Colorado, Arizona, and New Mexico meet), the Puebloan society existed from around 700 – 1350 C.E. The pueblos that mark the areas where they lived are some of the coolest structures I have ever seen, built as if straight into the cliff faces, the structures that stand still to this day are marvels.
Like the other civilizations on this list, all great things must come to an end, and while there is little consensus around the cause, the Ancestral Puebloans ended up fracturing beginning in the late 13th century. War, ecological factors, natural migration, and shifting religious values are all speculated to have played a part in the dispersion from their centralized location.
Mysterious? Somewhat. Aliens? Probably.
1. Mayans
Well, here we are nearly 12 years since the world was set to (absolutely, 100%, for sure) end on December 21st, 2012. Due to a combination of gross misunderstanding of the Mayan long-count calendar, our love for sensationalism for things we don’t understand, and a general human historical love for eschatology, the Mayans garnered a lot of attention leading up to the end of the calendar cycle.
Existing from around 2000 B.C.E. – 1700 C.E., the Mayan civilization occupied a wide swath of land in modern-day Central America. Through discovery of vast archeological sites and artifacts, we have been able to divide the Mayan civilization into a number of distinct periods: Pre-Classic, Classic, and Post-Classic. (Okay some etymology is more fun than others). Throughout their existence, Mayans developed complex systems of language, writing, mathematics, astronomy, governance, religion, architecture, and a variety of other disciplines. They were a Renaissance civilization before that was even a thing. (Basically, they were the first Hipsters). Their ‘collapse’ was not so abrupt, and while the exact reasons aren’t known, the usual suspects of emigration, changing political structures, and environmental issues are all though to have played a part.
Historically, humans have a great discomfort in things that we cannot fully understand. When we are unable to rationalize something, our brains are very good at making things up to gives us a sense of closure around the matter. We just can’t stand not knowing. I think this is partially why so many conspiracies evolve around ancient civilizations, especially ones like that Mayans that were so advanced in so many disciplines. In our minds we seem to have been convinced that if they were so advanced so long ago, they must know something that we don’t (like the coming of a new age or the end of the world).
Thankfully, we are all still around and able to look back at the collapse of these once-powerful civilizations and maybe (just maybe) learn from history.
What the Friday? - Atlantis
Atlantis!
Not only a gaudy luxury vacation location, but also a hot topic in the matter of ancient civilizations. I think at least once a year some kind of click-bait article comes out that some pseudo-archeological “discovery” of Atlantis has finally happened. Okay, sure.
While the original story of Atlantis was told by Plato as an allegory for human pride leading to our downfall (in case we need extra examples), the story has since proliferated into a massively popular target for further conspiracies. Much like scientology, this fictional location has spawned an incredible amount of buzz throughout the centuries leading people to make up stories about its existence, location, and utopian civilization.
I love stories and allegories as much as the next person, but it will always boggle my mind that people can’t separate reality from fiction. In the case of Atlantis, it is obvious that aliens are to blame for its disappearance. Until others can see that, I don’t think we are ready to have a rational conversation.
Wrap-Up:
Today got a little weird. While I don’t actually believe aliens are to blame for the disappearance of these ancient civilizations, I do believe in aliens. (And more importantly, hope all the aliens out there believe in themselves).
Regardless, these civilizations that once existed as the pinnacles of their respective corners of the world serve as a reminder that we are not infallible. Be it natural causes or our own doing, we do not know for certain how long our society will last. Even with increasing globalization and a greater ability to document our history, there are still countries and governments that are in constant states of flux.
The world we leave behind will likely not be the same one we came into; we can only hope that we find a way to leave it for the better.
Friday - February 16th, 2024
Top 5 Romantic Comedies
Introduction:
Valentine’s Day has come and gone but there is never a bad time to watch some cheesy rom-coms. From the attractive leads, predictable “will-they-won’t-they” formula, and the fact that they only ever deal with people getting together (not staying together), we love these quick hits of entertainment.
As a caveat, rom-com implies nearly equal weight on the romance and com(ance?) Side note learning English as a second language is a disaster. But all this to say comedy movies where the leads get together at the end are excluded and so are romances with only a laugh or two.
While there should be little surprise that classical influences seep into many of our modern-day stories, it is still interesting to see so many common threads emerge. When thinking of rom-coms and the “formula” they use, becomes more apparent why: they lean on older works that people know—stories people know and have been retold in one version or another for years. Some of the most popular in today’s list are the direct references to the Scarlett Letter and Shakespeare.
As long as they try to do something new with the story, I can’t knock it too hard. After all, there are only 7 plots that we know of. (1)
5. Easy A
Before becoming an Oscar-winning actress, Emma Stone captured the hearts of many as Olive in this crossover rom-com x coming-of-age tale that leans heavily on the classic, The Scarlet Letter. From the apparent “A” used in the title and the plot, to the same basic story structure, Easy A takes a few different elements to create a rom-com that if nothing else was fairly unique.
In the midst of the early 2000’s bloom of cheesy romances fueled by miscommunication; Easy A takes a different approach leaning on a classic to still arrive at the same end result. Along the way we meet a number of zany characters, the best of whom in my opinion is Stanley Tucci playing the aloof-but-loving father.
Much like The Scarlett Letter, Easy A depicts the difficulty of conflicting morals with those around us. Olive gets snared in a web of her own lies causing her to be shunned by many around her. While the story progresses, and she learns more about the actual morality of those judging her, she decides that the opinions of others she doesn’t respect are meaningless.
This is more coming of age than straight up romance, but it is at least a unique way to tell a familiar story and for that alone it is worth a watch.
4. Hitch
Hitch is a more straight-forward story of two people coming together by chance and being pushed apart by continuous reveals of secrets. Then again, if people effectively communicated, rom-coms would be much shorter and far more boring.
While the formula is pretty standard, the execution is somewhat unique having a sub-plot romance of a friend overlap with the main plot romance. Will Smith (pre-slap) and Eva Mendes are in their prime, Kevin James is the perfect comedic relief, and some of the lines are pretty poignant (or on the nose depending on how you lean).
Regardless, I think Hitch was able to stand out in a time when this genre of movies were a dime-a-dozen.
Also, maybe a smaller connection, but Hitch’s character is driven by being cheated on early in his life. The name of the cheating girlfriend is Cressida—the name of a cheating girlfriend pulled straight from Shakespeare. The connections are everywhere.
3. The Proposal
I don’t think anyone was prepared to see Betty White (may she rest in peace) getting down to Get Low when they watched this movie for the first time. She was an absolute national treasure and she is missed.
Still, she was not the only bright spot in this classic-with-a-twist rom-com. Before BookTok started blowing up with the now-popular enemies to lovers storyline, The Proposal takes two characters who could not be more at odds, a boss and her secretary, and forces them together. (The movie didn’t have budget for a fake HR department clearly).
Similar to other movies of the genre, you see their walls slowly melt away before big secrets rip them apart only for them to get back together in the end against all odds. The cast is amazing, Ryan Reynolds and Sandra Bullock can do no wrong and Oscar Nuñez plays one of the best comedic reliefs I’ve ever seen.
Sadly, there are not as many blatant connections to classic literature on this one, but for all the reasons listed above, it’s still more than worth a watch.
2. 10 Things I Hate About You
Another movie with a beautiful music number by a now-deceased legend. Watching Heath Ledger sing Can’t Take my Eyes Off of You is an all-time great scene. This movie is not only another coming-of-age tale, but it is a very on-the-nose retelling of Shakespeare’s Taming of the Shrew (They didn’t even change half the names).
Still, there is a wonderful charm about the early 2000’s off-beat nature of this film. Joseph Gordon-Levitt was transitioning from child actor to blockbuster star, while Heath Ledger and Julia Stiles were in the midst of their promising young careers.
There is something to be said for movies that almost seem like they’re not trying too hard or taking themselves too seriously. This movie delivers exactly that and will forever be an all-time classic.
1. Crazy, Stupid, Love
Hawthorne and Shakespeare—can’t escape them. While this movie also sports a coming-of-age subplot with call outs about The Scarlett Letter, it leans more heavily on the basic plot of A Midsummer’s Night Dream. There are a number of romantic sub-plots that all become more intertwined as the movie goes on.
The cast sports Steve Carell and Julianne Moore in their primes playing a couple trying to recapture their romantic spark, as well as a pre-La La Land Ryan Gosling and Emma Stone stealing the show with their on-screen chemistry.
Along with the basics, I appreciate this movie for depicting relationships at different stages. We get to see the different trials faced by couples at all stages of life rather than just the typical depiction of two people deciding they’re in love after three dates and one big argument. In terms of unique ideas and execution, this movie fires on all cylinders while delivering a perfect balance of rom and com.
What the Friday? – No Strings Attached and Friends With Benefits
Never in my life am I going to be able to separate these two movies in my head. It’s like they went out of their way to make it as confusing as possible. Both were released in 2011, they both take place at least partially in Los Angeles, both titles are just variations of when people change their Facebook relationship status to “It’s Complicated,” and both have half of a long-standing couple in Ashton Kutcher and Mila Kunis.
All we need now is for Justin Timberlake and Natalie Portman to start dating and it’ll be the perfect crossover. (Adding to the confusion, they both married other people in 2012).
Both of these movies are still hits though, and while they’re a little more traditional, they’re both still worth a watch.
Wrap-Up:
Ahh Love. It’s the basis for so much great art, music, and film (especially when its unrequited). While depictions like these are a lot more dramatic than most real-life relationships, they’re also probably way more unstable, so maybe be thankful that your life isn’t like the movies for once.
Whether you got to celebrate Valentine’s Day or not, all these movies are a nice escape from reality for a while. So, cuddle up, grab the now-discounted chocolates from the grocery store and get a little sappy this weekend.
Further Reading:
Friday - February 9th, 2024
Top 5 White Collar Crimes
Introduction:
If crime is supposed to be so bad, why did they give them all the most fun names? Heist, embezzlement, Ponzi schemes, bribery, forgery, espionage, treason, hijinks, tomfoolery, and other shenanigans all sound like so much fun. (For legal reasons that statement is purely hypothetical). I think if we really want to deter crimes like these, we have to change these words, because saying something like “We’re pulling off a heist” just sounds too cool.
Throughout history there have been numerous attempts to pull off various schemes, usually trading honesty for money in some fashion or another. Something about the nature of white collar crimes—the planning and execution needed to pull them off—really captivates us. It’s why we love movies like Ocean’s Eleven, The Town, The Italian Job, etc. To amend the words of the A-Team’s finest “[We] love it when a plan comes together.”
Unfortunately, in real life when these fun-sounding crimes take place, there are real victims and real consequences. From the audacity of others, we are able to learn what not to do. But we cant help it if we’re entertained in the process.
5. Enron
Maybe corporate fraud isn’t the sexiest crime that exists but when your former company’s name is synonymous with crime you know you’ve done something spectacular. Not good, just spectacular. Using a series of complex processes, Enron was able to inflate their projected value while hiding actual loses to their company. While the ins and outs aren’t super easy to grasp, the basic concept of lying about how profitable your company is while just ignoring the debts? Yeah, that’s not going to go well.
Enron crashed and many of the high ranking C-suite types fell with it, along with Arthur Anderson Accounting Firm, a company that had a direct hand in helping Enron cook their books. The rise and fall of Enron plays out a bit like a movie in the meteoric rise and high times of those that were able to initially profit off of the fraud before the crashing, burning, oh-shit-everything-is-on-fire-and-everyone-is-in-jail portion.
Not that anyone in the C-suite of an energy company is likely reading this, but word to the wise: don’t simultaneously lie about how great and ignore how poorly your company is doing. Enron proved in spectacular fashion that it is not a recipe for success.
4. Theranos
Sometimes horrible consequences are born from good intentions. In the case of Elizabeth Holmes and Theranos, I believe the initial intent to do good was there. Unfortunately, the follow through could not have been more of a dumpster fire. A swing and a miss if you will.
In 2003 a 19-year old student at Stanford with a head full of ideas and an odd fascination with Steve Job—Holmes—had an idea for an innovative blood testing and drug delivery patch that could revolutionize healthcare. For the next 12 years, Holmes would convince numerous investors of the promise of her technology with surprisingly little proof-of-concept. Theranos would raise nearly $700 million and earn a $9 billion valuation in that time all without delivering any product that met their initial promises.
Finally, some people began to catch on when Holmes was unable to keep over promising and under delivering, she was charged with fraud. What began as a promising tale of a young entrepreneur snowballed into a disastrous web of lies. Holmes is now serving out an 11-year sentence for her crimes and has a revised net worth of $0. Sad.
3. Bernie Madoff’s Ponzi Scheme
Bernie Madoff running a successful Ponzi for $65 billion sounds great unless you know what any of those things are.
Convincing a continuously-growing pool of investors to give you money while using their money to pay off other people who have already loaned you money while reporting impossibly high rates-of-return sounds fool-proof, right? Well it was for a time for Madoff. As his fame grew in the late 90’s and earl 2000’s, Madoff was a tycoon of asset management boasting huge returns for his investors.
Unfortunately for him, while success like this often attracts more investors for your scheme, it also invites unwanted scrutiny. A financial analyst by the name of Harry Markopolis took 4 minutes to prove that not only were Madoff’s proposed returns mathematically impossible, they were likely fraudulent. For nearly a decade, Markopolis tried to deliver this news to the SEC but was ignored from 2000-2008.
Finally, Madoff’s scheme ran its course and he was unable to pay back investors. He opened up about the fraud to his family who then turned him in to the SEC and the FBI. Madoff flew a bit too close to the sun and ultimately suffered the fall.
2. Great Canadian Maple Syrup Heist
Pretty great name, eh?
Over the course of a year 2011-2012, over 3000 tonnes of maple syrup were siphoned off (way more delicious than gasoline by the way) and stored at an external facility before being sold off to legitimate maple distributors around the east of Canada and the US.
If you’re thinking that this sounds pretty harmless, I want you to check how much a liter of maple syrup goes for at your local grocery store, then multiply that by 3 million. The valuation at the time was over $21 million ($18 million Canadian dollars).
The facility the syrup was being stolen from was part of the Federation of Quebec Maple Syrup Producers. And if you’re thinking that sounds quite serious, you are quite right. They account for almost 80% of the world’s maple syrup production.
In the end, after discovering empty barrels, or barrels that were emptied of syrup and refilled with water, an investigation would lead to the arrest of 17 men that found themselves in a pretty stick situation. Neat, eh?
1. Isabella Stewart Gardner Museum Art Heist
Topping the list is not only the largest (most expensive) art heist in history, but also goes to the sneakiest crime on this list on account of it going entirely unsolved. In 1990, roughly $300 million worth of art was stolen from the Isabella Stewart Gardner Museum in Boston.
Just as the party of St. Patrick’s Day was winding down in Boston, two men disguised as police officers gained access to the museum ultimately making off with 13 pieces of priceless art (for which people have given prices) and made off into the sunset (sunrise?) The most famous piece stolen was The Concert, an oil painting by Dutch artist Johannes Vermeer valued at over $200 million.
Major investigations have been conducted over the last 34 years and they have all turned up empty. To this day there is a $10 million reward for information regarding any of the art that was stolen, so if you have any leads, maybe let someone know.
Today, you are able to visit the Isabella Stewart Gardner Museum where the empty frames of these stolen pieces hang like ghosts, waiting for the art to find their way home.
What the Friday? - D.B Cooper
Another unsolved mystery and maybe the most unique crime on this list is the mysterious plane hijacking and ransom from the infamous D.B. Cooper. In November of 1971, this mysterious man told a flight attendant on a route from Portland to Seattle that he had a bomb and wanted $200,000 delivered upon landing. After clearing the passengers in Seattle and loading the cash into the cabin, Cooper instructed the pilots to take off charting a course to Mexico City.
Just as their plane rose back into the air, Cooper opened the side door of the plane and jumped out, strapped with a parachute and $200,000. While there are sketches of Cooper created from witness description, Cooper was never positively identified.
Countless suspects were looked into, but whoever D.B. Cooper truly was, he got away with one of the most unique one-off heists in history and become a modern legend.
Wrap up:
The old adage is that crime doesn’t pay, but I think a better way of saying that is crime doesn’t pay forever. Many of the people on this list lived fast and got caught young(ish). My advice to you this weekend are the wonderful words of Will Smith from the 2005 hit Hitch:
Never lie, steal, cheat, or drink. But if you must lie, lie in the arms of the one you love. If you must steal, steal away from bad company. If you must cheat, cheat death. And if you must drink, drink in the moments that take your breath away.
Cheesy? Yes. But if you have to commit crime this weekend, do it the harmless way.
Then again… I don’t tell you what to do.
Friday - February 2nd, 2024
Top 5 Most Satisfying Feelings
Introduction:
There are many things in life that we derive satisfaction from; that beautiful feeling of all our collective anticipation building to an apex only to be rewarded all at once giving our brains that perfect moment of a chemical rush.
As with so many things in life, there are different strokes for different folks. Some people hike mountains for the view, others enjoy completing long woodworking projects, and others may just enjoy laying in the grass and watching the stars. Whatever it is that you enjoy, do more of it—let your brain feel that sweet release of happiness (as long as you’re not harming others, some people are unfortunately wired a bit incorrectly in that regard).
Whatever you find enjoyment in personally, there are some experiences that are more universal; things we can all relate to, things we have all enjoyed at one time or another. As I list them here, I hope that you can find joy in a little moment something like these this weekend.
5. Finally breathing out your nose after being congested
We all know the feeling, you wake up, try to take a breath, and your nose is completely blocked up. You think back on the last 48 hours and think about all the people who were open-mouth coughing in public (right to jail) or all the communal surfaces and handles you’ve used. Regardless of the cause, you’re done. Hot shower, medicine, tissues, these all help a little, but you’re in for the long haul and now all you can think about is how you’ll never take breathing clearly for granted again. You beg and you plead hoping for just 5 minutes of unobstructed airways.
But then that beautiful day arrives. You wake up, the sun is shining, the birds are singing, and you take a full, deep breath, no problem. You thank your lucky stars that all your prayers (and medicine) worked; you even promise never to be ungrateful again (which lasts about 5 minutes).
Either way, this is a beautiful feeling, and while it is not a serious condition, it is just annoying enough when you can’t breathe that when you are finally back to normal it feels like you won the lottery. That sweet feeling of gratitude we feel on that first breath? Bottle that up for me.
(Bonus points if you were just on a flight and your ears got plugged too and everyone sounds like a Minion for a little while. That first pop when you can hear again—ahh. Nothing better).
4. Crawling into bed after a long day of walking around or traveling
If you’re anything like me, you occasionally find yourself at the end of a well-if-it-isn’t-the-consequences-of-my-own-actions kind of day where you’ve done something like walk 10+ miles trying to explore a city or a park while you’re on vacation. This has happened more times than I care to admit, and I refuse to change my ways.
Either way it leaves me with a feeling that all of us can relate to in one way or another, being at the absolute brink of exhaustion where we blew past our limit hours ago and are just crawling forward, one foot at a time, until such a time as it is appropriate to collapse entirely.
There is nothing quite like that first moment when you finally get horizontal (bonus if it’s at home in your own bed, but hotels will do) and your body just hums as you think something like “I actually made it.” You never fall asleep quite so fast as this, your body and brain begging for a hard reset.
Sometimes I think I push myself so hard on long days just to enjoy this even more—it’s all about contrast.
(Bonus here if you’ve been dressed up in stiff, business-y clothes all day, getting to go back to sweats after that is magical; the sheer gratitude your feet show you as you shed your socks or uncomfortable shoes? Magic).
3. Deep clean after an especially messy, chaotic period of life
Everyone is guilty of letting busy scheduled get in the way of things like cleaning, cooking, working out, basically anything where we’re prioritizing ourselves. And occasionally these periods stretch longer that we intend, suddenly, for one reason or another, we have dirty dishes in the sink, trash that needs to go out, crumbs on the counter, laundry that’s piling up. All of a sudden, the little things have piled up and it becomes a negative feedback cycle of not having enough time and energy to do what we need to.
Then one beautiful day comes along. Maybe your coffee was extra strong, maybe you finally have a day off work, maybe you heard a clip from David Goggins and you’re feeling shamed into action. All perfectly valid motivations. Whatever gets you going, you start cleaning and you don’t stop until everything is in its right place; everything is shining, the air in your room feels like it’s been purified in the Amazon rainforest and your brain rewards you for a job well done. The delayed gratification almost makes you want to let everything get messy again just so you can hit that deep clean again. Almost.
(Bonus here is that feeling we all got when we got a new bed or rearranged our room as a child. Something would click in our under-developed brain and we would feel like a whole new person. Sometimes we really are simple creatures).
2. Having a whole day off, no responsibilities, no work, no plans
Cleaning can be great when you finally have time, but even better than cleaning all day when you have a day off is to have an absolute void of a day. Starting the evening before you start getting that beautiful, weightless feeling of having nothing you have to do and an infinite expanse of things you could do.
You could wake up at 6 and go for a run, you could sleep in until 10 and read in bed until the evening. You could cook, you could clean, you could order food, or take a hike, you could organize your life or go aimlessly shopping. You could see your friends or be a complete recluse and binge the Lord of the Rings trilogy all day. (Again).
We humans are so great at keeping ourselves busy that sometimes we can find lack of responsibility paradoxically stressful which is pretty ridiculous if you think about it. (I’m just as guilty, so no judgement). Either way, I hope the next time one of those lazy days comes along you forget all the things going on in your life and you just exist—moving from one enjoyment to another. Weightless, careless. Free.
(Bonus here if you just finished some long project at work or a personal task of some kind and you know you can really let your brain power down and reset. Taking a day and just existing? That’s pretty sweet).
1. That first day of Spring (even if it’s false Spring)
Like I said up top, there are different strokes for different folks. (Different seasons for different pleasin’s?) And while there will never be a consensus opinion on “best” season, (because arguing about subjective things like best or top 5 is pretty ridiculous), I think we can all agree that there is a noticeable change in peoples’ moods as the seasons start to get warmer.
While I personally love the Fall and the crisp air that comes after the long, hot, humid months of Summer, I can’t deny there is a certain charm to that first day of false Spring each year. (It may be getting earlier each year, but let’s ignore that and focus on the good part for now). Daylight and temperature have a big effect on our behavior and habits. When the sun goes down earlier (especially at the end of Daylight Savings in the US), and when it gets colder, we are less inclined to go out. When we do it’s for brief trips for essentials or to go meet with friends and family at a predetermined location.
But when that first day of Spring finally hits, false or not, there is a palpable shift in the air. Everyone feels it and people begin to play off one another in a beautiful positive feedback cycle. The sun kisses our skin, people are talking excitedly, tones are positive, people are out running or enjoying coffees or beers outdoors, there are smiles all around. Something about this buzz is infectious, and while none of us hibernate to the extent of bears or a fat-tailed dwarf lemur, we have an instinctual shift in mood with the coming of the warmer seasons.
Whatever that feeling is, bottle it up and inject that straight into my veins. (Metaphorically).
(No bonus for this one. None is needed. Just pure enjoyment).
What the Friday?
One thing has been theorized to be the pinnacle of good feelings above all else but cannot be proven and is therefore entirely theoretical. This would be hearing the words “I’m proud of you,” from someone you love. But again, science can only speculate here.
Half-kidding, tops.
Most of what I have written about today involves our brains recognizing that we have achieved something after a span of adversity or work. When we achieve something though hard work, our brains release dopamine. This dopamine makes us more motivated to work and with enough repetition, this becomes a feedback cycle of working hard to feel that sense of accomplishment which then motivates us to keep working and so on. (I have a few friends that I think may be addicted to this type of release but not naming names).
Along with the intrinsic motivation of working toward a goal, dopamine is also released when we are recognized and praised for our actions. This should not come as a surprise; it feels good to be acknowledged for doing something for which we perceive a sacrifice on our part. When working and cleaning we sacrifice our time and energy so that others—bosses and roommates—are happy with us. We all know how dejecting it is to work so hard for something only to hear crickets in response.
When we are praised or appreciated for what we have done, it can increase the amount of dopamine released in our brains, giving us even more motivation to keep working toward these goals.
Moral of the story: tell someone thank you and good job this weekend, we could all use a little boost.
Wrap-up:
Another week down, another week of getting that sweet dopamine for completing a task. Now I just sit back and wait for the acknowledgement to roll in for even more motivation…
Anyway, I hope you are able to find joy and satisfaction in something you do this weekend. Even if its small, even if it’s done all for you, even if you don’t feel it, find a way to trick your brain into giving you what you want. Even if it’s not quite Springtime, you can still get out and enjoy life. Maybe you can find it enjoyable to feel the rain on your skin.
After all, no one else can feel it for you.
Friday – January 26, 2024
Top 5 Most Amazing Live Performances
Introduction:
Music is a wondrous thing. In the words of my third-favorite fiction wizard, “Ah music! A magic beyond all we do here.” (the “here” in question being Hogwarts).
Beyond the ability to express feelings we are cannot put as poetically or harmoniously; music is just fun. You can belt it out in the car, you can sing along at the bar, you can blast it at the gym and channel all that volume into pushing your body to pay further tributes at the iron temple. What’s not to like? Have you ever met anyone who said, “I don’t like music,” that you proceeded to be friends with? I sure hope not.
While recorded music is amazing in and of itself, live music has a special quality that adds to our experience, it can ingrain deep and lasting memories that we carry with us for the rest of our lives. Something about being lost in a sea of other people who have all connected to the same thing you have but for different reasons; knowing that the music you love and cherish is so important to so many other people and you all get to have a moment of catharsis together as you sing it back to your favorite artist.
Or, maybe you just want to drink and shake it and get down. Nothing wrong with that either.
Whatever your style, there are some concerts throughout history that I think would be an incredible experience for anyone no matter what genres you prefer. Due to circumstances around the bands, or the attendees, or the concerts themselves, a few performances have struck a chord (literally) that has found a way to resonate throughout history.
Note: these are not the top 5 best concerts or best performances, simply the ones that I think would have been an absolute spectacle.
Honorable Mention:
Adding this in for the sole reason that I simply cannot talk about concerts without a nod to the greatest concert tour of all time (a list I likely will not do anytime soon). So yes, Taylor Swift is the undisputed GOAT when it comes to top tour of all time. It was truly one for the Eras (I’ll see myself out). Now that that is out of the way, let’s get down to business.
5. Johnny Cash as San Quentin
Yes. That San Quentin.
I will admit that while I do enjoy some of his music, I personally think that Johnny Cash sounds like what you would get if you poured a bag of gravel into a cowboy hat and taught it to play guitar. But you can’t argue with numbers and Cash has sold millions of records.
With a history of playing at prisons, Folsom state prison for example (way less exciting than the Folsom Street Fair), and a titular song inspired by his numerous visits to the historic prison, Cash stole the stage playing for inmates of the prison.
Both his lyrics, his performance, and his active pleading to Congress made Cash not just a musical star, but a champion for prison reform. Listening to the cheers from the inmates as Cash sings about his disdain for the prison is a truly unique experience only made better by the knowledge of his willingness to fight for the reform he was preaching in his music. (Yes, he did use these performances to sell more live albums, but that’s not the point).
Cash was an icon in his own right and while he may Walk the Line, he also walked the walk, and that is commendable.
4. Led Zeppelin at Madison Square Garden - 1970
One day after the death of famed rock legend Jimi Hendrix, another rock juggernaut played a pair of shows at a venue that many people consider to be the pinnacle of venues for artists to perform at: Madison Square Garden.
Back at a time when concerts were not often recorded, and not very clearly when they were, Led Zeppelin put on a show that captivated their fans so acutely that many of them still talk about it to this day. This is categorized as the all-time peak of this prolific band. Vocalist Robert Plant was still in his prime and able to sing at full range, an ability he lost in his later years. Jimmy Page was playing his guitar like there was no tomorrow and the two Johns on keyboard and drums could not be stopped.
Getting any group of people to agree on anything is difficult enough, especially when that thing is as subjective as a band’s “best” concert. The fact that this is often touted as such an iconic performance by so many speaks volumes to the impression that it left on those in attendance.
3. Woodstock
While this is the most tame event on our list (at least by genres and likely volume) it is also the most culturally significant. During the throes of the counter-culture era of th 1960’s, this festival served as a gathering place for and embodiment of that movement.
Over the course of several days in august of 1969, a mass of nearly a half million people came and went from the festival grounds in upstate New York. The mass attendance cause severe traffic in the area and sent the mayor of New York into such a panic that he considered sending out the National Guard to… who knows? Fight the hippies?
The list of performers was a powerhouse of the time featuring Jimi Hendrix near his final year of life (unbeknownst to him unfortunately), Crosby, Stills, and Nash playing live together for only the second time, and a laundry list of other greats like Santana, The Grateful Dead and The Who.
Today music festivals are a dime a dozen, organized in every major and minor city around the world seemingly every weekend. And while Woodstock may not have been the first music festival ever, it certainly is the most prolific from an era when people were realizing that vibing in a field with their friends was far more fun than staying home and being disillusioned by the “culture” they were trying so hard to counter.
So, the next time you’re out in a festival field with your friends, remember to pour one out for the ones who walked so you could run.
2. Live Aid – Queen
Probably one of the most famous single performances in history is Queen’s set at the Live Aid benefit concert in 1985. Not only was this a multi-artist lineup live at Wembley Stadium, but it was also a charity event to fund famine relief in Ethiopia. To set the stage even further, while 72,000 people were in live attendance, it is estimated that nearly 40% of the world’s population was tuned into the event at one time or another. For reference, the second most viewed YouTube video is Despacito by Luis Fonsi with nearly 3 billion views; even if each of those views were individual people (unlikely), that would still only be around 38% of the world’s current population. (I use the 2nd most viewed because #1 is ‘Baby Shark Dance’ and that is inflated by parents at their wits’ end just hitting repeat until they are driven entirely insane).
For Queen’s part, they were at just about the pinnacle of their fame and prowess, and while it would not be officially confirmed until near his death, Freddie Mercury was in the midst of his battle with HIV at the time.
All these factors came together for one of the most impressive live performances of all time. Watching Mercury lead a packed crowd at Wembley Stadium in his famous call-and-response “Ay-Oh” is a memory that everyone in attendance will likely take to their grave.
1. Monsters of Rock - 1991
Rock music may not be for everyone. It’s loud. It’s aggressive. It’s confusing why all these 40-year-old men are so angry. But for one reason or another, it connects with a large portion of people and especially in large groups it gets the people goin’!
Well back in 1991 in Moscow, over a million people to gathered to hear some of the legends of metal at their very best. Mötley Crew, AC/DC, and Metallica all in their prime shredding guitars and screaming their heads off at 1.4 million people in a space fit for probably half that number. Interspersed in the mass of bodies were fully suited soldiers and riot police. Honestly the fact that there wasn’t more mayhem is truly astounding.
Whether or not you enjoy their music, I invite you to watch some clips of the event. “Frenzy” doesn’t even begin to describe it. Just pure metal-induced moshing.
Dread it. Run from it. The Metal arrives all the same.
What the Friday?
Copacabana beach is a nearly 3-mile beach just outside the heart of Rio de Janeiro in Brazil that is crowded to say it conservatively on a regular day. However, this beach also has a history of hosting truly unfathomable parties for New Year’s Eve, putting on concerts where artists play for the entirety of the beach.
Because of this, Copacabana Beach holds a number of the records for most attended (free) concerts in history featuring bands like The Rolling Stones and the great Rod Stewart’s New Year’s 1995 performance topping the list with estimates of roughly 3-4 million people in live attendance. I cannot even begin to imagine the bathroom lines for an event like that.
Still, having a formative experience alongside 3 million other souls would be truly an experience for the ages. While I would assuredly hit my social battery limit at such an event, I invite you to get out there and experience it if that’s your thing.
Wrap-Up:
I don’t know about you, but I wish I was going to a concert this weekend. Sadly, most of the artists on today’s list are long gone or no longer touring (and Taylor Swift isn’t touring in the US again until October… sad).
Regardless, I hope you are able to get out and enjoy some kind of formative experience with your friends or family. Because at the end of the day, that’s all that really matters.
Now get out there, put some rock in your headphones and head-bang your way through the weekend.
Friday – January 19, 2024
Top 5 Words for Feelings in Foreign Languages
Introduction:
Sometimes words simply are not enough. Ask any of your friends what they love most about you and its likely they will not be able to give you a very direct answer without meandering or offering some generic, positive adjectives. (Or in my case potentially just hearing back and affectionate, “I don’t.” Ahh friendship.)
Trying to say what we mean is scary. Trying to spark passion in others is daunting. And trying to describe certain feelings can be ineffable. (My friends tell me I am too).
Maybe a part of the problem is simply the limitations of the only language I’m fluent in. As I have grown and sought to learn more about other cultures, I have been struck by the eloquence with which some cultures are able to capture feelings into words. (I have also been struck by how insanely fortunate we are for learning numbers in English, seriously, go learn double digit numbers Danish, it’s wild.)
Still, I wanted to explore some of the best words-for-feelings-we-can’t-quite-describe. We have all seen commercials or heard family members talk about hygge (the better side of the Danish language) in the winter time and understand that its objectively better than “comfy” or “cozy.” So today we look at the top 5 words in other languages that don’t directly translate to English but encapsulate a feeling that we can all understand. Yeah… we might need a word for that.
5. Shemomedjamo – Georgian
Starting off our list with the Georgians who captured the feeling we are all too familiar with: eating even when you are beyond the point of bursting from fullness because the food you are eating is just too good. They just said it more eloquently.
I think we have all had this feeling at least a few times in our lives, experiencing it myself on back-to-back meals recently in New York. I, for one, have no intention of stopping this anytime soon.
4. Saudade – Portuguese
We have all felt longing, whether it is for a pet we haven’t seen since going off to school, or an estranged lover, or even just a longing for another bite of your delicious dinner (shemomedjamo), we all know the hollowness that exists when this feeling surfaces.
The Portuguese have apparently coopted this feeling and bundled it up into its own word that refers to any deep longing for a person or thing, especially one we may never see again.
While I don’t condone sadness or longing, I will say there is a certain draw to this sort of deep, pensive longing. (If you need help eliciting this feeling, find a long bus route through the rain and play Lifehouse’s You and Me on repeat).
3. Lagom – Swedish
I think we can all agree that Goldilocks was a high-maintenance child. Or perhaps, she just had a taste for the finer things in life far before she should have. Either way, the Swedish have a word for that sweet, satisfying, just-right feeling we get from time to time. Trying a new sweater that falls over your shoulders perfectly? Having exactly the right amount of coffee in the morning to have hope in your heart for most of the morning? Locking in on a crunchy-looking leaf on the sidewalk then stepping on it and hearing that crisp sound?
The Swedes know all about that. When everything is. Just. Right.
2. In-Yun – Korean
Part of my inspiration for this list was recently watching the movie Past Lives. Aside from being a beautifully well-done movie, it caught the feeling of unknowable time-bending longing that comes when we wonder about alternate versions of ourselves; real or imagined.
The premise of this movie stoked my imagination as I wondered how different the world would look if I thought of each of my interactions with others as cosmically important. Personally, I think it’s a fascinating cultural study to imagine what it would be like to have a word specifically for this belief.
(Also if you’re looking for a movie recommendation for the weekend, go watch Past Lives. It’s a cheap and easy way to elicit that feeling of saudade.)
1. Ikigai – Japanese
We all have strengths and weaknesses. Some of us are able to find an intersection of things we are good at and things we love. The downside? It may not be enough to make us a living. Alternatively, we may find a way to make good money, hell, we may even be doing it in a noble profession that benefits the world, but we may still be lacking that passion.
The Japanese know the beautiful synchronicity that is experienced when all of these various factors align.
Speaking from personal experience, I have separately found a job and a passion that satisfy 3 of the 4 arms needed to achieve ikigai. I can only imagine the bliss people experience when they find this perfect intersection, and I hope that all of us can come to experience that in our lives, even if only for a time.
Wildcard: “What the Friday?” - Favorite English Words
With a short list this week, I thought I should give a little bit of credit to the language that raised me, there are some wonderful words in English as well so allow me to give credit where credit is due.
5. Wanderlust
Quick. Elegant. Self-explanatory. What else is there to say? I love this word almost as much as I love the feeling itself.
4. Elegy
They don’t make them like they used to. That can be true about any number of things, and call me old fashioned, but I have endlessly romanticized the idea of people composing poems about your life and virtue after you’re gone.
3. Gossamer
A word just as thin and weightless as the material it strives to describe. Perfect.
2. Petrichor
After long dry spells, the first rain falls and soaks up all the smells that have been stagnant just below the surface. While the smell and feeling of being in warm rain is enough to ease the soul, I personally enjoy the quiet that follows as the sounds from the outside world are drowned out.
1. Ephemeral
This word encapsulates the faint spark that I feel when I hear it. A quick, fleeting jolt. Almost enough to hold on to, but as soon as you reach for it… Gone. Simply, perfect.
Wrap-Up:
I won’t tell you to go out and discover your favorite words this weekend before sharing them with your friends and family; that probably wouldn’t be much fun for anyone. I do encourage you to lean into those wonderful, indescribable feelings of peace, fullness, or if you need it, melancholy.
Get out there and enjoy your weekend, and if you come across a feeling you can’t quite describe, feel free to make up a new word—we need more of that in the world.
Friday - January 12th, 2024
Top 5 Craziest Historical Events
Introduction:
Many times throughout my life I have found myself wishing that our world was more fantastical. An early exposure to young-adult fantasy series such as Harry Potter and Percy Jackson are likely largely to blame for this, but come on, how cool would real magic be?
As I’ve gotten older, I have realized that the real issue is how we frame the term “magic.” I won’t bore you with the dictionary definition, but in reality, what more is there to it than something that we can’t explain? Just anything we attribute to some greater force outside our comprehension?
When you really stop to think about it, everything about life and existence is nothing shy of magical. We are self-aware, giant frames of dense calcium protected by layers of meat and driven by electrical signals—that makes about as much sense as pointing a wand at someone and watching them catch fire. After all, can you explain either of them? Thought not.
Well as I have aged, I have also realized that we don’t really need any help to make this existence wildly inexplicable. Each and every day there are multitudes of insanity that we have learned to just accept or have dedicated generations of our brightest minds to dissecting and discovering. At some point we become jaded and just accept every rainbow is just refracted light, planes stay aloft because of lift and thrust (yeah okay), and we have devices that connect us around the world through invisible waves in the air (sure why not?). But when you stop and look around, you may start to realize how unlikely everything around us really is.
Now that I’ve given you an existential crisis, lets dive into this week’s Top Five!
Are these the five most insane or inexplicable or magical events to ever happen? Maybe not. Are they all wild and darkly hilarious in one form or another? Hell yeah.
Today’s Top Tier is my favorite historical event of all time read on to see why.
Top 5 Crazy Historical Events:
5. The Founding of Scientology
Everyone wants to believe the work they do is important. I think pride and acclaim drive a lot of the work that is done in the world in one way or another. There is maybe no party more guilty of an inflated sense of importance than artists of any form—those that create and put their creations out into the world (myself notwithstanding). But many people also have limits to what they can endure on the rejection front before self-criticism takes over. Musicians realize their voice will just never match Celine Dion, writers realize that they’re 60 or so novels behind Stephen King (and counting), and at the end of the day, some of us just aren’t cut out to “make it” and that’s fine.
For some people, good enough will never be enough.
One such individual is Lafayette Ronald Hubbard (no edits have been made for comedic purposes). L. Ron, as he is more popularly known had a life for the ages, apart from his lasting legacy, there is no denying that that life was lived to the fullest for better or for worse. Hubbard spent his first few decades were a mix of military service from his father and then him, as well as a ton of writing for school papers and magazines and the like. He let his imagination run away with him, and as a result, became a fairly prolific author of Science Fiction stories in various magazines.
That’s great, most people would pat themselves on the back and be happy that they had accomplished something.
Most people.
Unfortunately, an overly-grandiose sense of self-importance had to rear its ugly head. Hubbard’s works (and more so his explanations of his works) became more concerning. His turning point came with the publication of his magnum opus—Dianetics. This book was where Science and Fiction had their greatest intersection. Claiming that the guidelines set forth in the book would make people smarter and bring us closer to our human peak form, Hubbard began doing what all sane people do, head to the road, conduct pseudoscientific seminars and start making that sweet seminar money.
Various evolutions and iterations and copyright issues later, Dianetics became doctrine and rebranded as Scientology which (totally for legit reasons and definitely not for the tax breaks) became a “religion.” Today, the Church of Scientology boasts nearly 40,000 members, (some of whom star in box office mega-hits), and hold beliefs of reincarnation, rebranding Hubbard’s Science Fiction works to “gospel” and believing that the only way to process engrams (trauma) is by auditing (paying for removal of) those events.
A lot of us may think something along the lines of, “yeah, Scientology is crazy,” end of thought. But if you ever want to go down a rabbit hole, this is a great place to start. Me personally, I’m just astounded that we live in a world where one man’s sense of self-importance can balloon so wildly and encapsulate so many others along with it.
Magical? Maybe not.
Crazy? Without a doubt.
Don’t buy into any cults (I mean “religions”) this week, but do read on to see what else makes this world so insane.
4. The Mysterious Case of Derek Amato
Superhero movies are a leading cause of unrealistic expectations in society—and I’m not just talking about the amazingly jacked shirtless actors (though that doesn’t help anyone’s ego). More so I am referring to the formula of: unfortunate accident = superpowers. Spiderman got bit by a radioactive spider, Batman lost his parents, and so on.
In real life, great personal feats do not come as a result such crazy circumstances. Rather, as in the cases above you would just need medical attention or a lifetime of therapy. However, at least one man can argue this claim: Derek Amato.
While playing with his friends by a pool one day, Derek miscalculated a jump and hit his head, resulting in a concussion following the formula we know in real life of: unfortunate accident = consequence. Only, there was another effect that he didn’t notice until staring at a piano some days later, an instrument that he had never learned how to play. He played for nearly 5 hours that day, composing new chords and melodies as his mind raced with a new creative element that he had never experienced before. While this is not the only documented case of “Acquired Savant Syndrome,” it is one of the more severe.
There are numerous theories about how hitting his head changed the way his brain worked, creating new neural pathways due to the sudden trauma. While there were some other side effects, his story is an interesting testament to all that we still don’t quite know about how our brains work and the potential they hold without us realizing it. Pretty magical stuff.
Note: This article is not advocating for any attempted recreations of this event. Always wear a helmet.
3. Dancing Plague 1518
I like to dance. Who doesn’t? The people in the Footloose town? Maybe, but all they needed was a little Kevin Bacon in their lives to get movin’. I myself have been known to shake it in a distinctly rhythmically challenged way from time to time, but there is only one record for longest dance party ever and it is not as fun as it sounds.
In 1518 a mass of people, some hundreds in number began dancing in the streets of Strasbourg (then part of the Roman Empire, modern-day France). This mass of people was moving and shaking and for a time, I imagine, it was fun, maybe even entertaining for the people around them in the city. What a sight it must be to see so many people embody the adage of “dance like no one is watching.”
From July to September, members of the small town could not shake their 1518 summer fever, dancing through the days and nights. And while I would love to tell you that their party did something wonderful like change the views of a repressed town, these dancers were not quite the Kevin Bacons of their time. Instead, the event led to (allegedly) many people dying from various causes related to exhaustion.
Many theories surfaced then, regarding the causes of this strange phenomenon, and many have surfaced since, ranging from food poisoning to a full-scale stress-induced mass hysteria.
Me personally? I think that the people of Strasbourg knew something that the rest of the world did not: That there is never a bad time to get out into the streets and get down, music or not.
(Bonus note: if you want to get a taste of what these people may have been experiencing, the 2022 song Choreomania by Florence + The Machine is not only a certified banger, but is also allegedly inspired by this crazy historical event)
2. Oakville Blobs
Think of a blob. Not something you probably think of on a daily basis, but I imagine the word evokes certain visions of something gelatinous—wiggly perhaps. A jello- or Flubber- like mass of… who knows?
Well that’s typically fine if you’re watching a cartoon or eating a C-tier dessert, but imagine you’re walking out of your house, about to get in your car and go to work and find that there is goo raining down on you from the expanse above.
This was the reality for the residents of Oakville, Washington in the summer of 1994. Rather than the usual depressing northwest spritz, they were subject to an oddity that they couldn’t accurately describe. Rain was typical, but rain did not linger in the way that it did on this day. In an event that came to be known as the “Oakville Blobs,” the residents of this small town were subject to blobs falling from the sky. Windshield wipers only served to exacerbate the problem for locals, as many people came to realize it was not a normal rain falling from above them.
What was this mysterious substance falling from the sky?
No one really knows. While this story doesn’t have the same nefarious undertones as many of the others, the randomness of the mystery makes it intriguing in and of itself. This would continue to happen in the greater Oakville area for some time in the summer of 1994, and while I personally have no room to speculate on what this may have been, I am just glad that I have never had to experience standing outside as the rain turned to gelatinous blobs.
1. The Great Emu War
If you haven’t had a good laugh in a while go read up more about this story, I will not do it full justice in my little 500-word blurb, but damn if it isn’t a comedy classic.
There is nothing more comical in my mind than a real-life version of a cartoon playing out before our eyes. In 1932, the residents of Australia were subjects of this comedy as they engaged in the Great Emu War. Starting off with the first great comedy of this story—the classification. It was a “nuisance wildlife management military operation.” If that isn’t the most ridiculous string of five words you have read this week, please send me what you are reading.
The origins of this Great War were that a bunch of emus (flightless birds who love wheat) were messing with some wheat crops in Australia, eating too much and making some farmers really upset. So as one does when they have beef with a bird, the called the military.
Throughout the late fall of 1932—two moderately successful efforts were enacted to address the issue of nearly 20,000 emu who had migrated into the new farming region of western Australia. After a start-stop-start-again tactic by the Australian military, employing real soldiers with automatic weapons, the operation was… abandoned.
Sure, they were able to kill some emus and bring their numbers down, but the farmers in the area would continue requesting military aid for the emu problem for decades to come. If you’re asking me, the giant stock of flightless birds seemed to have “won” the war waged on them by a species with superior intellect and automatic weapons.
If you’re not laughing by now, I don’t know what to tell you.
Wildcard: “What the Friday?” - The Death of Rasputin
What list of insanity would be complete without Russia’s greatest love machine? Aside from being the subject of one of the catchiest pop songs of the last century, Rasputin was a very real, very bizarre individual who has so many crazy tales surrounding him, the line between fact and fiction surrounding them is pretty blurry.
Helped heal sick Russian children through spiritual practices? Yes.
Had a relationship with the Tsar’s wife? Probably.
Survived multiple assassination attempts? Also yes.
Was reincarnated as Chuck Norris? Likely.
While he was a controversial figure even in the early 20th century, there is no denying that the air of mysticism he cultivated around himself during his life has persisted long after his death.
A death that itself has copious amounts of mysticism.
How much do you think you could reasonably survive? Being poisoned, stabbed, left for dead in a freezing river, only to turn back up and be shot? If so, you may be Rasputin incarnate because according to reports, that was exactly what he endured before he finally succumbed to death.
Call me old fashioned, but I think that’s more than enough to get a catchy 80’s (1978 but close enough) pop hit named after you.
Wrap-up:
Our recorded history as human beings is riddles with truly baffling occurrences, From the mundane to the truly mind-boggling. While I cannot say for certain that these are the most inexplicable events in history, the fact that they have survived to modern day only to be recounted and retold time and time again is indicative of the sense of wonder that they evoke. I personally strive to appreciate the inexplicable nature of existence at least once a day (bonus if it sends me into an existential spiral).
So get out there, be amazed, be wowed, and most of all, enjoy the hell out of all the crazy events that pass you by each day of your life. Magical or not, life is pretty wonderful when you stop to look around and appreciate it.
Friday - January 5th, 2024
Top 5 Thing I Enjoyed in 2023
Introduction:
Kicking off with some low-hanging fruit this week. Seeing as this is the first go-around and my audience is likely a whopping 0 sets of eyes (unless some people get lost in their search of other various “top five” lists), I think the best course of action is to review some of the things I enjoyed most in 2023. So, without more preamble, here is this Friday’s Top Five:
Book: Slaughterhouse Five
Rereading a book you have long considered to be a favorite can be a scary thing. What if it doesn’t live up to the hype you have surrounding it in your head? What if you’re just not in the right headspace to enjoy it in the same way you once more? Despite these fears, last year I bravely pressed on and revisited a book I love.
There is nearly nothing new I can say about a book that was shoved down the throats of most American children in some English class or another throughout their education, but as someone who bounced off the book the first time and rediscovered it when I wasn’t being forced to (funny how that works), let me offer my two cents in favor of giving this book another try:
First of all, this book is not a behemoth. At just over 70,000 words, most people can finish this book within a week dedicating less than an hour a day to reading. (Be honest, how many hours were you on your phone every day this week?) If you listened to your teacher back in high school and read 10 pages a day for that month it was assigned, rather than finding the quick notes version at 2 AM the day before the test, you can ignore this. But if you have been telling yourself for about 3 years running now that you’re “Definitely going to start reading more,” then this is as good a place as any to start.
Secondly, it’s provocative. (Though I can’t say for certain if it gets the people going!) This book takes linear time, crumples it up like the F you got on the test for this book in high school, and tosses it out the window. While the premise alternates between the harrowing reality of WWII, the stagnant life of a middle aged man, and the odd future where Billy Pilgrim becomes a zoo exhibit for aliens having sex with a porn star (no I’m not kidding), the novel presents past, present, and future as simultaneous events. Was, is, will be—there is no difference.
While this philosophy may not work for everyone, and I certainly don’t love the idea of predestination, it did cause my brain to stretch and consider. Do we have free will? Or do we just feel like we do because we can’t ‘remember’ the events in the future that are rushing toward us? Or, Why is this stupid writer trying to give me an existential crisis going into the only 48 hours of freedom I look forward to each week?
Read the book, don’t read the book, believe in free will, whatever makes you happy. At least I’m not going to be testing you.
And so it goes.
Album: Stick Season
More so than any other types of entertainment, music preferences change on a dime. Some days I’ll be walking to my job in a button down with my hair combed blasting Eminem in my headphones like I’m about to walk into an octagon; while other days I’ll have my hood up, sweats on, “piss off” written across my face as I sulk on a sad, dark, rainy walk letting Laufey serenade me into romanticizing the despondent life of a jazz musician.
But fuck it, it’s Fall, the days are short and shortening (especially here in the Northeast), and Noah Kahan has recently captured the pulse of the existentialism that seems so prolific through the growth and adjustments that come from moving through life. Take the intro to the album for example:
Breathin’ in, Breathin’ out
How you been? You settled down?
You feelin’ right? You feelin’ proud?
How’re your kids? Where are they now?
You build a boat, you build a life
You lose your friends, you lose your wife
You settle in, to routine
Where are you? What does it mean?
The feeling of moderate hope for a better future wrapped in the melancholic panic that our best days are behind us encapsulates the very feeling of Fall in my mind. It is a time of downturn, of loss and darkness and hibernation. This album gives the feeling of coming home for Thanksgiving as an adult to realize you have outgrown your hometown. The friends you used to know inside and out are strangers, the validation you used to crave from family members has lost its luster, and you realize your past may not be as shiny as your memories suggest.
But life moves and grows and expands, and I think once we accept the present and make peace with our past and future, we find ourselves in a better place.
Maybe listening to mellow music when the days are already short and endorphins are farther and fewer between releases isn’t the best idea, but who cares? Next time you have a free hour, put your headphones on, get wrapped up in your warm sweaters, play this album straight through, and allow yourself to drift into the wistful beauty of this fresh soul-to-ear masterpiece of an album.
TV Show: Avatar: The Last Airbender
Much like revisiting old books, there is some magic lost when revisiting old shows, especially those enjoyed in childhood. Still, there are always new perspectives to appreciate and enjoy, while the show is unchanged, I am not, and thus the magic is revived and transformed. I also enjoy reliving the fun things I enjoyed when I was younger simply because they were cool. (Yes, this show does have some profound moments, but it is more tailored to a younger audience).
But one thing remains as I age: People with elemental based superpowers? That’ll be a “yes, chef” from me.
There is a lot of hesitance surrounding animated shows. Some people feel they are more childish (many of them are targeted to that audience). Some people see them as to fantastical or outlandish (also valid), but I think many people would be better off trying to expand their horizons. As my friend famously says, “I’ll try anything twice.” Maybe you won’t fall in love with animated movies or shows, but I think an effort to appreciate them for what they are is a worthwhile endeavor.
On the surface, the overarching story is pretty typical: chosen one hones skills to fight big bad and save the world with classic misadventures along the way. This is tried and true and these days many people are looking at how things differ from or subvert classic tropes. In my opinion, I think Avatar: The Last Airbender does this in a unique was that perhaps they never truly meant to. The case I make for this is based on (spoilers I suppose, but come on, it’s been out for decades) Zuko being the character that undergoes the most significant transformation and adheres to the trials and tribulations associated with the Hero’s Journey. While not being the titular character, he ends up being the character with the most depth and (in my opinion) the reason that the show was able to follow its classic trope so successfully without falling into a boring or bland reiteration.
I guess it’s tough to tag my spoilers in that way while simultaneously trying to convince people who have never seen the show to watch it. So, I guess this is a sign for everyone else to re-watch it. Yip-yip!
Restaurant: Mama’s Boy
Part of a blog revolves around some semblance of personal experience, so hopefully over time I am able to be more at ease sharing parts of my own life, but for now we’ll start small.
I attended school at the University of Georgia in Athens (Go Dawgs!) and being from California, I had never had friend chicken, a biscuit, or grits for breakfast. Needless to say, southern cuisine was not my forte. Even to this day, my experience with collard greens and black eyed peas is limited (unless we’re talking about the Fergie-affiliated group). Still, as I am preaching above, I aim to expand my horizons and try new things.
While a large portion of my meals in college were confined to the illustrious dining halls set up around campus, what little money I had to eat out on occasion could always be safely spent at Mama’s Boy.
What started as a small diner in Athens quickly grew a cult-like following necessitating an expansion to a second location.
Some things don’t translate due to lack of personal experience, and while having a massive fried chicken, egg, and cheese biscuit when you’re starving on a Sunday morning in college may not have been everyone’s’ formative experience, I can attest that no one I have ever brought from out of town has left here dissatisfied.
Now, I’m not Guy Fieri and I’m not sponsored by Mama’s Boy in any way (although I wouldn’t say no if asked…), so I can’t tell you all to book a flight to Atlanta, make the 1.5 hour drive to Athens early in the morning, sit and enjoy delicious coffee in a mason jar, and eat until you’re ready to burst. But I can suggest that the next time you find yourself in the Southeast United States, you would be doing your mouth a disservice by not trying to make your way here. (Are we still doing phrasing?)
Activity: The New York City Marathon
On a list of things I enjoyed this past year, I am hard pressed to say this is one of them in its entirety. Running is not something I have done for all my life, and even as I have gotten more into it (thanks to some very persuasive friends) I. annot say that I hold a love for it in the same way others might.
Still, as people are wont to remind me, signing up and training for, as well as actually completing the race is an accomplishment in and of itself.
While I’m not a great advocate for signing up for a marathon, or even running in general, there is something to be said for setting goals, working toward them, and doing your damndest to achieve them. On my roughtly 4 hour trek through the 5 bouroughs of New York City, I was left to reflect on why I was doing it. Why was anyone around me doing it? I think if we surveyed the roughly 60,000 people that participated in it, we might find about 60,000 uniqu answers, and that alone is something I can advocate for.
Something that I think we can all take into the new year as we set, strive for, and inevitably lapse on our resolutions for the year, I think we should all stop and be patient with ourselves as we think about the why of it all. Why do we want to go to the gym more or eat healthier?
It’s a question I anticipate asking myself a dozen times over this year, come along and join me if you like.
Wildcard: “What the Friday?”
Some American children may remember the pacer test. 30 or so 4th graders would line up on the baseline of a basketball court and run across each time there was a beep—progressively getting faster each time. What does this tell us about the fitness of America’s youth? I’m not sure. But it apparently gives ideas to a few adults who enjoy torturing themselves in unique ways.
People who run for fun are crazy. Myself having trained for and run two marathons am no exception—but it’s a far cry for me to claim I enjoy it. Give me my Saturday mornings back and let me go out and drink without looking for the nearest chair at every bar. Even still, there are classifications of crazy. There are 5K fun runs, 10K’s, half-marathons, marathons (this is where most people draw the line), then there are 50 milers, and even 100 mile “ultra-marathons.”
The holy grail of “Why-for-the-love-of-anything-and-everything-would-anyone-ever-do-this-to-themselves?” has to be Backyard Ultras. These began just as all of these insane workouts do—a group of people came up with a goofy idea and others proceeded to get competitive and take it too far. The format of these races is that all participants run 4.167 miles every hour on the hour until all but one participant taps out. 1-3 hours and 4-12 miles later most reasonable people would think “Why am I doing this?” end of thought, end of challenge.
But humans are amazing creatures and some of us are simply not reasonable. People have been competing in these more and more, breaking record after record. Yet again earlier this month, the record for most “yards” or laps was broken. How many 4.167 mile hours do you think someone did? Take that guess and double it.
Double it again.
One hundred and eight fucking laps. 108 hours. 450+ miles. 4.5 days of getting up every hour on the hour and running 4.167 miles.
Why? To what greater purpose? Because he could. America’s Harvey Lewis broke the record by being the only person to complete the 108th yard.
Everything about this story makes me simultaneously confused and amazed. I cannot bring myself to understand why people start doing things like this. Full stop.
But at the same time, I cannot help but be absolutely and utterly amazed that this is possible. Is this the most impressive feat of human athletic achievement ever? Maybe not, but it is a testament to what we are truly capable of. On the other side of fear and doubt and uncertainty there is a mountain of potential and ability.
So, get out there and surprise yourself. Maybe don’t get into ultra-running (or do, I don’t tell you how to live your life), but at the very least, trust that when you think you are at your limit—from stress, from pain, from all the negative emotions that dominate us—the only true limits are those which we place on ourselves.
Wrap-up:
As the man said, “Cut, that’s a wrap.” If anyone floating out there in the abyss happens across this and has any suggestions for wonderful things that should be reviewed and pitched as Top Tier to the masses, feel free to write in and let me know.
If not, have a great weekend, and do your best to find enjoyment in new experiences, you deserve it.